How important are friendships at nursery going into school? (aibu to move my son)

[clueless999]

Nc for this. We're thinking about moving to a more practical house out of a big city centre to possibly a village 15 mins drive away. Mainly to get more outdoor space and storage, better schools (both primary and secondary) and away from crime, heavy traffic. Otherwise our current place is fine. Have a pre schooler and a newborn, so need to move now before starting school next year, or move midway through primary school for at least one child.

One of the main things holding us back is my ds has a beautiful friendship with another boy at nursery. They have the time of their lives together and have the same interests etc. He still enjoys nursery when his friend is not there but not as much.

He's fairly sociable and plays well with other kids but doesn't have any other friends at this level. They would go to the same primary school if we stayed (the friend's parents don't intend to move) and I know he would find the transition to school harder without his friend. However I can only think that moving in a couple of years would be harder?

He could still see his friend regularly but he wouldn't be there for school/nursery after the age of 4 or so. Should we stay just for this reason (which is a definite known positive for ds, whereas the benefits of moving are more practical/ us deciding what's best for them)? Or is he likely to forget his friend in a couple of years? They've been best buddies for most of the last year.

It’s a bonus, but not essential. Mine started in reception this year with one very close friend and then one other child she knew from nursery (but wasn’t really friends with, actually he’s a bit of a bully). Otherwise, she didn’t know any one else in the class. It was nice for her to start with her good friend, mostly because it’s hard to maintain friendships outside of school once they start. I feel like life is so busy now we wouldn’t have time to see him if they weren’t in school together (we’ve mostly lost touch with other friends who went to other schools). But she’s done absolutely fine making new friends and is probably just as close to children she only met at the start of school. So I would definitely move and not stress about carrying over friends from nursery. It’s lovely if you can really make the effort to stay in touch with the friend, but moving before school is definitely better than after they start. We have to move probably when ours will be in year 2 and I’m sad we’ll be taking her away from all her new school friends as the relationships are so much deeper when they’re a bit older.

Not at all essential, how many of your current friends did you meet at nursery?
My DC went to a faith school and the rest of their preschool went to the local catchment non-faith. They have all been absolutely fine and have gorgeous friendships. 4/5 is so young, they may well grow apart in the next couple of years.

Definitely move now, it will be so much easier and DS will still see his beloved friend. We moved at about the same age and I have never regretted it once. DS has gone through school with a very tight little group of friends from the beginning.

We moved across the country just before DD started school, and then had to move again to another town halfway through her first term. She settled very quickly in her new school, she's been here six months now and is settled, adjusted and has a little group of friends but plays with everyone according to her teacher.

Don't worry too much about it, they're so young and will adjust quickly!

Ds1 started his reception class with no-one from his nursery, the only other boy was placed in a different class. I thought he would really struggle but he settled quickly & made new friends from that 1st day. They can surprise you sometimes & adjust more quickly than you think they will.

I actually can't believe you are allowing a 3 year olds friendship to dictate your family plans. He won't remember this friend in a year I can assure you.

My son was in a really lovely and close friendship group at pre school - he moved schools and made new friends and the close friendships faded from nursery. He now barely remembers nursery and it was only 2 years ago.

btw to compare a later move - my year 1 son would genuinely be devastated if we moved now - he has told me so! I would still move if needed but it would be a much bigger deal for all concerned.

I would say not essential at all. DS1 went to our village pre-school and had a few friends there, including one little girl who he got on with really well. Unfortunately he didn't get a place at our village school, so he goes to the school in the next village.

I was so worried that he'd struggle but he's made some lovely friends at the school he's at and is really settled. We still see his little friend from pre-school, mostly in school holidays and sometimes at weekends. They are still great friends and I'm not sure their relationship would be as close if they were at the same school as their friendship groups change so much in the first few years.

At the time he didn't get into the village school I was devastated for him, but he's now in year 2 and everything has worked out really well.

Agree with waterrat. We had similar. Why are you even thinking about this. Ds2's nursery feeds to 3 schools. He wasn't in a class with anyone from his nursery. He made friends on the first day and has been happy ever since.

My advice would be to move before your son starts school. My DD2 has a lovely friendship at nursery but her nursery is in a different county to the one we live in so she will be going to a different school. I'm not concerned as DD1 (now in year one) barely remembers her nursery friends.

Our issue now though is we are not keen on the area we live in and would like to move 25 miles away but can't because DD1 is happy and settled in an outstanding school we were very lucky to get in to. Now we are stuck until DD2 is about to start secondary school - 7 years!

You can still do play dates. Our DD went to a school where none of her nursery mates were going, we got her a few sessions over the summer before reception started at a nursery that fed the infant school she was going to which helped. She was fine. Most kids seem to make new friendships fairly easily at that age.

Not at all essential. In adult life most people's friends do not come from their nursery days. Children are very adaptable