Learning Consequences

[CuriosityDoor]

What age did you start disciplining your children?

My LG is 15 months, she definitely knows what the word No means and will look me in the eye whilst dropping food on the floor at meal times whilst I say no. She's 15 months, is that too early to learn the no dessert consequences?

I'm not sure where the line is that they need to learn rules and being too young to really understand yet. First time Mum here!

To clarify, i don't just mean in those situations, put with throwing things, touching things she shouldn't etc etc

We have a 3year old, and I try to talk to him on his level and explain what he's doing is wrong, sometimes we'll send him to his room for 3 or 5 mins depending on how he's behaving, I think if you no that she knows what she's doing is wrong, dicapline according to her age maybe

It’s not too early to learn consequences but I wouldn’t with hold pudding but that’s just me. I never wanted to pudding to be seen as a treat to be earned. I didn’t offer dessert with every meal though either.

If she’s dropping food on the floor whilst looking you in the eye, and you’ve finished eating, I’d let her get down from the table.

I read that until the age if 2 you don't punish, but remove the source of misbehaving (eg, if she's throwing food, take away her plate), say NO, then distract (she should obviously still be fed; our DS only throws food once he's full and gets bored). After 2 you can start punishing with the naughty step, losing privileges etc.

Agree with Jilted. Don't use food for rewards/punishments until you're potty training

I'd just say 'No we don't throw food on the floor.'
Don't bend and pick every time she does it, it'll be a game then. Just keep repeating 'We don't throw food on the floor'. If she does it two or three times in a row I would move the food away and say 'Have you finished then?'
Any protestations and I'd give her one more chance. Any more food throwing and the bowl is moved away again, I'd day 'OK then you don't want any more' and get her down from the table.

If you're on your phone when she's eating (totally not judging, I do this all the time) she may just want some attention? So watch and play and talk a little more and make sure she's eating and not mucking about.

It depends what you mean by consequences. Natural consequences at 15 months is fine, and expect to potentially do a lot of repetition. Things like withholding food, particularly things like pudding, is not a great consequence as @JiltedJohnsJulie says. It sets up the idea that pudding/sweets are a treat to be earned - more exciting than savoury food and more desirable. They should just be a normal part of a meal.

If she deliberately drops food, then I would assume she's done with that part of the meal and move on to pudding, if there is one, or clear away. It's not really a discipline issue at that age.

I think 15 months is too early - dropping food is a phase, it will get boring. I never disciplined food throwing and by 2 they just stopped naturally. I would save the diciplind for the big stuff - rudeness, hitting, biting etc.

At 15 months she'll have the attention span of a gnat. She may understand no, but she it's very unlikely she'd link this to no pudding. You could try immediate consequences, so if she was chucking food, take to food away and say "no throwing" firmly. But give it back to her 60 seconds later. You may have to repeat the cycle a lot. Don't expect your dc to make the connection any time soon though.

Thanks for all the advice. I do wish babies would just listen and understand reason though!

Unfortunately that does take a while OP. In the meantime try what @Neolara says. I’ve always found ignoring bad behaviour helps too so you always just get up and start the washing up and chat to her.

I don't punish. I don't think it is a very good method of teaching desirable behaviour.

15 months is very young. If she is throwing food on the floor, then remove her ability to do that.

At 15 months a waterproof mat on the floor and picnic style eating may be easier than a high chair.

I think DontBuy has it spot on. My 2yo mostly starts throwing when she's finished.

15 months is really young. I'm not convinced they understand "no" at that age. What she understands is that doing certain things, like dropping food on the floor, provokes an interesting reaction. So she does it again to see if the same reaction comes again. Ad infinitum. They're also learning about gravity in basic terms - if I drop something what happens? Ooohh it fell on the floor and went splat. Let's see what happens if I do it again.

As per PPs, if she's doing it because she's no longer hungry then just take the food away. But it's all part of their learning process, so I've generally left them to make a mess as we have tiles under the dining table!

When it comes to discipline (say from 2 onwards), I really would choose your battles. I very rarely say no to my 3 yo. I reserve putting my foot down only for what really matters - going in the car seat, holding my hand near traffic etc. if there are things I don't want her to touch in the house I move them out of reach. And I used distraction when she was smaller whereas now she understands more, I explain to her why she can't eat loads of bread before dinner.

I've seen friends who say no all the time to their kids and the word becomes completely devoid of meaning.

I'm not saying I let my 3yo do whatever she wants, but I find that having a routine for most things (e.g. brushing teeth after dinner) means she's just so used to things happening that she does them without too much drama.