Something wrong with my son

[lifesteeth]

My 8 year old son is persistantly complaining about people bullying him at school, I have been in to see the head many times and the longer it goes on the more it is looking like he is exagurating about some of it (not all of it), for instance he told me some year 5's dragged him across the school field and shoved his face into the ground...turns out he was chasing a girl (a girl he is absolutely obsessed with and has been for nearly 2 years) and he fell over when he ran into someone.

He came charging out of school today demanding that I take him out of the school and saying he will not be going back tomorow, said he's had problems all day and allsorts happen to him...I got him to calm down and explain and all he could come up with was that he got the blame for some mess that was on the carpet, a girl told him to shut up at one point (he started to cry at this point) and a kid keeps talking to him when he's trying to get on with his work.

So, despite the pettyness of it I went in to see the teacher after school who told me she'd asked my son earlier how he was getting on with everyone and he replied "everything is great". We then mentioned this girl he is fixated with and he burst into tears saying she wants to play with him and he's doing nothing wrong. we calmed him down and the teacher/support worker asked how things were with his dad...(we live seperately and he doesnt have a good relationship with him) and again he started to cry...the teacher sat him on her knee and asked if he would like to do some work on 'feelings' with her tomorow, he said he would. He admits that he does annoy people sometimes on purpose but cant say why. He has few friends.

He is so sensitive, he is still upset about the tsunami, he is worrying about the prospect of world war 3, he keeps asking about which countries would be likely to invade Britain and what weapons we have....today he told me he is worries that he would be a crap father (remember he's only 8), he later had tears in his eyes as he told me he thinks his 6 year old brother will not make a good father to his kids as he hasn't had a good enough role model in his own dad...

He says he's having re-curring dreams about aliens...

He's seeing a councellor once a week, I'm wondering if I should take him to see the doctor, I'm so worried about him, his mind-set seems to be getting worse.

oh lifesteeth i have no advice for you there hon but bump

ditto fransmum

sorry, mom

that's ok

Really sorry to hear about your sons' troubles. I'm interested to know more about the teachers views though - have you spoken to here about this away from your son?

Bump again for you.

I was a little bit like this when I was little - I fixtated on things and worried about everything - ghosts at night, my mum and dad getting HIV (this was at the height of those AIDS adverts), my mum and dad getting cancer as they smoked etc....my mum seemed to spend all her time reassuring me....I also found it hard to get along with other children. Having said that, a lot of this stemmed from fact that I was deaf and so did find it hard to mix with other children at times....

I'm just wondering if your DS is frustrated about something and its coming out in his behaviour? I would really recommended a child psychologist - I saw one when I was going through the ghost phase as I would sleep at night and then I would fall asleep at my desk in school....only had a couple of sessions of getting it all off my chest and that seemed to work...being a kid these days is hard work - lots of things on the TV that can make them worry etc...

Really hope this has helped a bit, even though its not exactly the same sort of thing

wouldn't sleep at night rather!

I have spoken to the head who thinks my son has an obsessive personality, the girl he keeps bothering has been his obsession for the past 2 years, he will not leave her alone no matter who calls him names for it or who takes the mick, the girl keeps telling him to leave her alone which breaks his heart, he comes home and writes notes about her etc...the head thinks we need to get to the bottom of his obsessivness...

The support worker things he needs help dealing with his feelings, she thinks there is something bothering him (either big or small) which he refuses to talk about so he blames everyone around him for his mood which is coming out in the bullying stories.

he sounds v v anxious more than anything. what does the counsellor do / think? do you speak with the counsellor or just your ds? if you are really worried about him then you could ask the gp to refer you to your local child and adolescent mental health service (camhs) with a view to him being assessed by a psychologist. hth.

You are certainly doing the right thing with the counselling etc.. who is the support worker/ - is s/he specific to your son, or the class?

I've always been sensitive and constantly over-anxious - even as a child.

HOw long has he been seeing the councellor? If its been a while can you talk to the councellor or if not the dr if he is getting worse.

The other thing that helped me was relaxation excercises on top of everything else because it taught me how to clear my mind and have a rest from the constant negative thoughts and replaying situations for a few minutes. Another friend of mine who was similar as a child got taught how to meditate by his parents and he found that useful.

Also concentration on the positive aspects of my day (however small) and going over them when ever I was getting negative thoughts.

Although I am still anxious I can control it more and these two things helped me to start to break the cycle.

I suffer from anxiety and I was exactly the same as him at school, even obsessing about certain kids etc...I never got any help for it but I don't think I was as bad as he is...or if I was nobody noticed/cared.

The councellor keeps everything confidential but she said his first session went well even though he was a bit shy...

The support worker is for the full school, I think she's used to dealing with the difficult kids, my son is actually very quiet and placid so his troubles tend to go un-noticed....