Am I right?

[char187]

Just had a FaceTime with ds who is staying with his dad for the week.

Ds is 8 and has autism.

A few days ago, ds grandads dogs went missing. Today ds and his dad have been out looking for them.

Ds was extremely upset that they couldn't find them. Am I right to feel annoyed that the ex took him out to search for them?

Normally I would say stuff like this happens and it's life. It's sad and not nice at all but that's that. My ds however absolutely loves animals. He absolutely adored these dogs. I cannot explain how much he loved these pets.

I Had no idea the dogs were missing until the ex told me during this FaceTime conversation. Now I have one very upset ds who is 120 miles away from me.

I know straight away ds will of asked where the dogs are. I would of hoped my ex gently say they aren't here at the moment and not make a fuss as he should know how upset ds would of been. Not take him out looking for them. Ds had every assumption that they would find them. He's autistic and that's how his mind would work. We all know that in reality there would be a small chance of finding them. But not ds.

Anyway when I FaceTimed, they were in a massive field looking for the dogs, ex said it was time to leave and ds was in a state because they hadn't found them. To which the ex replied 'we will try again tomorrow'.

Am I in my right to say please don't take ds when out looking for them? Apparently it's been 5 days they've been missing now. Ds going to look for them tomorrow is only going to cause more upset.

I totally understand my ex's situation regarding being desperate to get the dogs back. And I so hope they are home safe and sound soon. But I just don't feel comfortable with ds looking for them when he really doesn't understand that the chances are, they won't be found.

I had a massive go at my ex last week so I know if I say something else now, I'm just going to get 'oh hear you go again, saying I'm a crap dad and I can't do nothing right'. I don't want that kind of conversation. I'm just worried ds is going to be extremely upset if he carries on searching for the dogs and they aren't found. He will of gone on this search today thinking they would just turn up and he would take them back. That hasn't happened.

His autism means he just does not understand the real world and I need the ex to see how this will affect him. Ds only sees his dad eow and his dad has never understood his autism. I've given up trying on trying to help him understand it but situations like this make me very uncomfortable. This could have a really bad effect on ds.

Tricky this.
On the one hand, I would imagine they both want to help find the dogs if possible, and if Ds was left with someone else whilst his dad helped look, he's missing out on time with his dad, and still might get anxious.
If Dad stays with Ds and doesn't help look for the missing dogs, that looks really bad too,

In all honesty, I can see your concern, but I can also see Dad's predicament and there's no right or wrong (not imo). I'd not be so critical of the choice he's made, it's a tough call whichever option he chose.

Not much help I know, but it's an honest opinion.

The ex still lives with his mum and dad so ds would be left with nana or grandad. But yes I don't want to take anytime away. He barely sees his dad as it is. And he's only with ds 3 days out of the 7 as he's working the rest.

And I don't want any argument or to come across as being controlling. Which I know I probably will. Maybe if I just send a message to the ex saying how sorry I am about the dogs and how I hope they return. And how ds will take it really hard so just to keep it in mind when out searching?

That's fair enough - just a little 'nice' reminder that Ds might struggle with the situation a bit.
Make sure you show concern for the dogs too, so that it doesn't seem provocative.

Good luck on both counts though! If it goes well, Ds will be very happy they find the dogs :-)

Try not to fret too much. It'll drive you potty otherwise.

Have you had any news?