Hand hold please....We are sleep training from today !!

[MumNeedsTea]

I posted about this in the sleep section a few days back, looking for advice, but didn’t get any responses. Officiall started sleep training 15 month old DS2 from today and he’s currently screaming his head off and I’m afraid he may throw up :(

DS2 has always breastfed to sleep....goes in his cot at first, but by midnight comes into my bed and from then on, breastfeeds at least 4 to 5 times throught the night. Basically uses me like a dummy. I’m constantly exhausted because of the lack of sleep... I work full time and feel like a zombie on most days.

His cot is now in the spare room and he had a 6 ounce bottle before being put down in his cot. We are trying the controlled crying method, but I feel horrible just sitting in the next room listening to him cry. Please tell me this will not impact him in any way... does he think I’m abandoning him!?!

TIA.

He just needs to learn that the nighttime milk bar is closed! Hope he catches on quickly.

Send in Dad at intervals.

Don’t go in if the crying is stop start.

Only go in to show your face, not resettle.

Thanks Rocking! So I'm not supposed to carry him when I go in? Right now I'm going in every 5 mins... I know I should be leav1it longer, but unable to :(

He starts crying the moment I start putting him down as he knows what's coming!

He's now coughing and retching :(

Hang on in.......

I know this is the last thing you want to hear right now but personally I couldn't imagine doing anything worse to a child. Letting them just cry it out. Children aren't trying to manipulate you, they cry because they need you. You're there safe place and you're taking that away from them. I understand that you sleeping with your little one might be hard because they would still want to breastfeed and you're trying to stop but why can't hubby sleep with him to get him out of waking through the night and the gently get him settled into sleeping on his own? In stead you just want him to cry until he's that exhausted he just falls asleep? Aren't you only teaching your child that no matter how much they cry nobody cares?

mumneedstea is your other half home? Could he go in and settle instead if you? We slowly night weaned, ds would wake hourly and fall asleep on boob within seconds so knew he wasn't hungry. So started having dp go in every other wake, after 4 or 5 nights he was waking less until it was down to once a night. He would realise no milk was coming but didn't have to get too distressed (would always leave a few minutes as sometimes would just be shouting in his sleep)

Sorry, agree with Immummy.
Fed both of mine to sleep. 4yo happily puts himself in bed and goes to sleep within 5mins. 2yo will do the same unless teething or I let him nap too long.
I stopped breastfeed but cuddled to sleep, then shush pat, the gradual retreat. But I still sit with them in the room until asleep.
Offer water instead of milk in the night.
Good luck.

Thanks for the tips everyone. It turns out I couldn't let him cry it out! So I carried him till he calmed down and then put him in his cot and stayed there with him. He slept off within minutes.. Party I think due to exhaustion :(
I think what I'm doing is the PUPD method which doesleave them to cry... So I'm goi g to stick with it over the weekend and see how it goes. DH is at home but looking after DS1 who is ill. I know it's not thw most convenient time to start sleep training, but I've actually taken time off for this.
At night I'll get DH to do half of it.

I'm hopeful that there's light at the end of the tunnel :)

Not doesleave.. I meant doesn't leave

Yeah, you have to do what works for your child. If they’re wretching it’s unlikely to be a solution for you. Pupd is often a bit much for a 15 month old but gradual retreat/the disappearing chair might work for you

I sleep trained my BF baby at 10 months of age for the same reason you are.

We did controlled crying going in at intervals of 2, 4 and 8 minutes (never any longer than 8).

When we went in we firmly but lovingly told him it was bedtime, lay him back down in his cot and left the room again.

Good luck, it’s mentally and emotionally draining

Obviously it's your choice but IMO it's a big jump to expect a breastfeeding, cosleeping baby to suddenly sleep in a cot with no BF. I'm not saying that in a judgemental way, just that you might be expecting too much of all of you and therefore it's possible that it's going to go wrong.

My almost 15mo is BF and coslept full time until 12mo. I get what it's like having them in with you all night!! We put a double mattress on the floor of his room and moved him in the there just after 12mo. I still feed to sleep and at any wake up but escape back to our bed as soon as he's asleep. It worked like an absolute dream - first night, about 3 wakes up; second night, 2 wake ups; third night, slept through!

Now it's not been plain sailing all the way. We've had to go away twice and he's had to cosleep which has set us back and he had a week of being really ill so again I coslept and BF because he wasn't eating. But it feels a lot more manageable because he's in his room and I get to sleep in my own bed - although not always for as long as I would like to! But I'm sure we'll get back to sleeping through once he's a bit more settled.

With my DD I moved her to a single bed in her room at 16mo after cosleeping full time. Still coslept and fed if she woke up until we night weaned.

If you have somebody else there, I would seriously consider if there's a way to put him on a mattress/bed. You could night wean first (the Jay Gordon method is a good read) but your DH/DP could still cosleep if he wakes so he doesn't lose all comfort. Then hopefully he's sleep through or then you'd have to gradually work away from cosleeping. Otherwise you need to think about what comfort you're replacing BF and cosleeping with because I think there will be a lot of tears (from everybody!) if you try to go completely cold turkey on everything.

Good luck.

teaand biscuits I did think that it was going to be a massive change for him, but it went better than expected..

Once he finally slept with the PUPD method, he slept almost till 11pm, which is a first. At 11 I gave him some water and carried him for about 2 minutes and when he was dozing off on my shoulder I put him down. He start crying again, but settled quickly as long as I stayed there with my hand on his back or head... he just needed to know that I was there.
He then slept till 3 am!! Again a first :) we did the same again and he was off to sleep very quickly. But he woke up within an hour at 4 am and then struggled to get back to sleep... that’s when DH took over.. same method of hand on back.

He then woke at 6 am and came into my bed for a feed.... not sure if getting him in our bed was the right approach, but I was too exhausted by then. He went off to sleep again and everyone apart from me woke up at 8:30... I got a lie in till 10

Going to continue again tonight. Is there anything I should do differently?

Thanks all for the support!

I think what you're doing is genuinely cruel. Letting your baby cry until they retch is an appalling thing to do to a tiny person who loves and needs you. Please consider weaning first and a more gradual approach. Google Jay Gordon nightweaning for a more gentle nightweaning method. I did this after first stopping feeding to sleep - we did feed, then books and cuddles with daddy, but you can do something else, of course. Just not something that puts your baby through this kind of suffering. Mine cried a bit about the changes, but it was angry crying, not the hysteria and terror you're describing.

Oh I've just seen your update, you are doing a gentler method! I'm so pleased. Sounds like amazing progress for the first night, I'd just stay consistent and keep giving him that comfort until you feel like he's ready for you to withdraw a bit more.

I had a sleep consultant help me and she said there is crying that is ok, and crying that isn’t.

The tired grumbly crying is protesting and they’ll fall asleep, screaming crying and choking is not ok and you need to go to them.

I used the Cheshire baby whisperer and she’s amazing, she talks you through every step and is on hand on text to help you. My baby now has cot naps and sleeps from 8-8 with only two wake ups.

She still cries before naps, but it’s a protest and lasts maybe a minute or so.

HumpHump I too thought that I was being cruel... That's why I abandoned controlled crying and switched tactics within 10 mins. Hopefully he won't remember those 10 mins!!

He seems to have caught DS1's cough, so not sure how tonight is going to go.

Having said that, he's already in his cot and almost asleep without much resistance.. I want to do a happy dance, but will hold off for a couple of weeks :)

Tmgc we will consider a sleep consultant if this doesn't work. Glad you found a good one.

On a completely separate note, how much milk should DS2 be having in a day. He currently has 2 bottles during the day.. 5 ounces each. Now that I'm addung a bottle before bed time, is that too much? If I have to completely wean him off, there's probably going to be a morning wake up time bottle too. That just seems too much.. I cannot seem to remember what I did with DS1 at that age

Sounds like you're doing a great job. In an ideal perfect world we'd never need to sleep train babies. However that's not realistic and if mum has to work, then baby needs to sleep.

Milk wise my 14mo has 2 5oz bottles per day. He's only just dropped the afternoon one

2nd night update.. Was almost similar to the previous night, but he has definitely got the message about self soothing. All I had to do was go in there and say 'Mamma is here' and he was happy to be in his cot without being carried :)
He did come into our bed at 5:30, which was earlier than the previous night, but I think that's to do with his cough. He was really bad at one point and needed his inhaler :( So given everything, I think we are making good progress!

Thanks all!

So glad it's looking positive for you! Well done

Latest update... On the 3rd and 4th night, he kept waking amd took longer to settle, but that was probably because of his cough.. He was wheezing quite a bit and needed his inhaler at night :(

I'm happy to report that last night he slept at 07:30 in the evening amd didn't wake till midnight, at which point he just needed a 10 second pat on his bag and he put himself back to sleep and stayed asleep till 06:30 this morning

Night feeds have stopped completely and he has also dropped one of his day time bottles. He has one bottle during the day and one before bedtime.. He has a breastfeed in the morning, which will soon be replaced by a bottle (when I'm ready to be weaned :) )

Thanks again for the hand holding!