Mummy and daddy for my son

[Mum0708]

Hi, I wondering if anyone else had a problem like me or at least something similarly - and what you was doing in this situation and how it's affected your child?!
I have a 7 month old son.
My husband's parents lost them oldest son beginning of 2016 ( he was all his life disable, cause he born early - its surprising that he lived 34 years, but very sad and unfair how he died - cancer 😥 )
So when I get pregnant and we knew it will be boy, we - me and my husband - decided give our son middle name as from his brothers name shortcut name. My son was 2 weeks late and he born just 2 days later as my husbands brothers birthday.
I was fine with that my husbands parents will call my son by middle name.
But then I get worried - they see my son doing some baby stuffs and saying - ou he doing like our son ( my husband, his sis and his mum said like that few times, but husbund father a lot and still carry on ).
When I said to my husband not say like that - he stoped saying like that. But not his family. My husbands father calling my son as his own son - he saying to him that he is his son - son who died and reborn. My husbands mum always asking my son tell her mama.
That is the worst thing all of them think that my son is them died son/brother.
I feel sad and angry - sad because its mean they forged about dead son/brother and angry cause its mean they don't love my son for who he is, but for who he suppoused to be. Plus its pisses me off - I feel like they trying take him away from me. I just really hate them, talking with my husband not helps at all.
I just wish to enjoy my time with son not thinking about stuffs like that.

They sound weird! I can kind of understand why they might get some comfort from feeling that maybe their son’s spirit and by calling him by the same name they are obviously feeling that way. But getting him to call her mummy or your FIL calling him son is just odd.

Keep repeating his first name, when she tried to say call me mummy say “oh grandma is being silly isn’t she! I’m mummy” or something to point out that you’re not getting involved with their strange ideas about reincarnation etc.

It is weird. At the very least it will be confusing for your son.

You need to try and get your DH on board. Explain to PIL that you are worried that will Co fuse your child. Definitely correct them every time. His name is x. I am Mummy and you are Grandma.

Can you just move away. I understand that they are grieving but this will become a problem as he gets older. The last thing you want is for them to start telling him that he is his uncle reincarnated as he gets older.

Thanks for advises, yeah I always calling my son many times by his name and add that he is my son, I need to say surprisingly my husbands father calling my son by my sons first name, but anyway calling him as his son and that my son befaving like his dead son.

I can't move away I see them usually once in 2 weeks, they living about 20 miles from us.

Very strange. I'd ask for them to call him his first name and just say it will confuse him as he gets older if they don't call him his proper name.

Your husband needs to have a firm word and remind them he is absolutely not their son reborn.

You're his mother - put your foot down and say no more. Your husband should be very much on board with this and probably also instigating it. They are grieving and it's understandable that this is helping them but it crosses a big line with regards to what is sane and healthy - not to mention it's encroaching on your relationship with your child. Tell them also that they will not have any time alone with their grandson now or in the future if they continue to behave this way. I know that sounds harsh but a kid just can't be subjected to that!

Unfortunately sometimes I feel like my husband wish to as well our son would be his reborn brother. My husband is more on his parents side, he thinks its everything fine with that. His parents raise him as " vegitable " - he very depends from them, and even if he say them something - they doing how they want. My husbands father is childish - so if you will say him don't do like that - he will do opposite, husbund mother like for purpose call my son in his middle name when I hear that, she is only one who calling him like that ( sometimes she making her sis call my son like that - just for purpose ).
As well my son looks like me, everybody can see that, he have little bit of his father as well ( which makes me happy ), but my husbands mother trying all stuffs what he have from me find on somebody else - her or her family. Once my husband said to her our son have nose like me - she answered him - " not true! You ( my husbund ) had as well small nose when you was child ", and when I interrupt and said that he have my chin dimple ( cause nobody of my husbands family have it, and I have it from my father ), she said that she have as well - and I was happy when my husbund answered her - no, you don't have it.

YOur husband needs to insist that they stop this. It's damaging and confusing for your relationship with them, and also for your son as he gets older. Maybe just correct them every time. Say "no, his name is 'his name', not 'your son's name'"

This sounds difficult. They sound quite insane, and it cannot all be explained because they are grieving.

Ok if your husband won't help you, you might need to have a big tantrum and refuse to let your son go to them if they won't call him by his correct name and stop ignoring you.

I will at first try reapeting them that my son is not them son, just will make sure that they calling them self as grandparents. I know that two names can make some confusion for my son, but I hope that he will take it as nickname, cause I would not be so worried about my husbands mother sometimes calling him like that, if I can see that she calls him as grandchild - cause I know she likes this name, because its coming from her country, and she feels that her grandson get his middle name from her country, her blood.
Hopefully I will manage do that without destroying totally my relationships with my husbund and his family.

I hope so, good luck

This is a bit strange to be honest. They are obviously still grieving BUT I wouldn't be allowing this. Your his mum so put your foot down and nip it in bud asap!