I have a 14 month old DD and I am due any day with ds. Since DD was around 4-5 months old, I feel as though I have become more and more hopeless. I love my dd so so much, and Ds is a much wanted baby, but I am also deeply unhappy. Even though I am looking forward to meeting ds, in the same breathe I feel as though the future is just dark with nothing to look forward too. I am so irritable, and I know that most of the time I'm completely irrational about situations. For example, if my dd takes a nap 5 minutes shorter than usual, inside a volcano will erupt...of course I never let her see this side of me. If a dog barks during a nap I feel as though the universe hates me. If DD stirs in the night I feel as though the world has ended. You get the picture. Dh and I argue constantly, mainly because I am just so miserable. I don't have any family help, so other than when dh is home in the evening and the weekend, life is exactly the same day in day out. Even the weekends are the same really, but at least there is another adult to talk to I am a shadow of the person I used to be, I don't recognise myself anymore, I don't know who I am anymore. I'm only 30, but I have half a head of grey hair I haven't been able to dye because of my pregnancy. Iiv gained so much weight in the 2 pregnancies and know I will have no time or energy to do anything about it once I have 2 under 2. I feel so much guilt over these feelings, I feel guilt over not being a better wife, over putting pressure on my husband. I want to do things for myself, but feel overwhelming guilt, even over taking a bath. I've been out 3 times since she was born. I do have friends I see in the week, but they all seem to adore being a sahm, and I just smile and nod as I don't know what to say without sounding like a terrible mum. I so want to be happy, but I don't know if I have pnd, or if I just can't cope with the things that most other mum's can and I'm just weak.