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6 replies

Bdt1 · 27/03/2018 09:53

Hi, my little boy is 5 years old. Me and his father split before birth. He has seen him every other weekend since he was 6 months old. It was a struggle as he threatened to have him taken away from me before he was even born. It was a huge step to allow over night stays. From then on he has seen him alot but also cancelled and I have to make up the time he's lost out on because he has been out to parties or gone on holiday. I have tried my best to make sure I don't mess around with his weekends because it's only fair. He has recently got a new girlfriend who also has a child. All of a sudden he is making demands. He is now seeing our son on a Friday evening (on my weekend). And also wants to take him abroad for 2 weeks. I agreed to 1 week but this isn't good enough for him. I feel that seeing him on the Friday is stopping me from going places with my family(I have a 2 year old also). If I wanted a weekend away he would get the hump. I want to change it to a Thursday but I know he will get the hump. He is very domineering and wants to be in control. I am frightened to address any issues with him because he threatens me with court. How do I go about changing the day without all of this happening? Before he had a girlfriend with a child my son never wanted to go to his dad's, I had to force him most weekends with him kicking and screaming. Whenever an issue is addressed he puts me down telling me I'm not all there and I can't talk properly etc and doesn't take no for an answer. He has also forced my son into a sport that he doesnt like and tried to force me to take him on my weekends. It's his way or the highway.. but in his eyes I am the one who is controlling. We are ok as long as he is getting his way but it's ruining my life.

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QueenofmyPrinces · 27/03/2018 09:59

What is it about Court that worries you?

They can put in a Contact order which your Ex must stick to so it will give you and your son much more stability. Surely that’s the best option as it doesn’t sound like your Ex is a reasonable man.

Bdt1 · 27/03/2018 10:04

He would play dirty in court and make up lies. I am debating whether to just take him to court myself. I just worry that a court would go in his favour and I don't want it to get too nasty as it has been in the past.. my son is old enough to notice arguments etc i dont want him in the middle.. thank you for your response

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QueenofmyPrinces · 27/03/2018 10:21

I feel for you as my friend has just been taken through the Courts by her Ex regarding contact with their daughter.

He’s a nasty man, he told lies, he was spiteful it all seemed like he was doing it not with the child’s best interests at heart but purely to try and exert some power and control over my friend.

The good news is that Solicitors see this type of thing all the time and are very skilled in spotting the parents that care about what is best for the child and the parents who are doing it for vindictive reasons.

The Courts set up an arrangement for my friend which tried to meet both their wants but also looked at what was best for their daughter. The Solicitor told my friend that she’d seen hundreds of men just like her Ex, the ones just being cruel and vindictive and they can be spotted a mile off. She predicted that within a few months her Ex would start trying to change the Contact Order to suit him, which he did as he kept wanting to swap the nights and days to fit around his social life.

My friend has now been told that as he is persistently trying to break the order she can return to Court and request it be re-looked at in terms of changing it more to what she think suits their daughter best.

The prospect of going to Court must seem very scary but you can’t continue the way you are. I think you should call his bluff and seek out legal advice. Tell him you’re doing it because you don’t think all the inconsistency and arguing is best for your son and that you want a fixed arrangement in place.

Take back the control OP because that’s what he thinks you will never do. Don’t let him walk all over you and dictate your life like this.

There will be some Solicitors out there on Family Law who offer free sessions of advice (my sister used one when she split with her Ex) so make the first step today and contact one Flowers

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Bdt1 · 27/03/2018 10:31

Thank you so much for the advice. I will look around for a solicitor and hopefully they can help :)

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QueenofmyPrinces · 27/03/2018 10:46

No problem. I hate seeing men like this treat the mother of their child so badly and use threats to intimidate them, it’s such bullying behaviour, it’s awful.

He’s made you scared and that’s what he wants because he wants to control you.

Seek out your real life support who no doubt would give you the same advice I have and hold on to them for the strength to do this. There’s a lot to be said to have someone by your side reinforcing to you that you’re doing the right thing and then you won’t feel so alone and doubtful.

Expect your Ex to be nasty about the whole thing but keep your eye on the end goal and let him see that you are far stronger than he thinks you are Flowers

Bdt1 · 27/03/2018 13:02

Thank you for your kind words, you've given me some hope for the future :)

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