What do you do when you’re child doesn’t want to attend football/ swimming etc clubs

[Nevertimeforcake]

Have just pushed my 4 nearly 5 yr dd out the door in floods of tears because she didn’t want to go (and/or wanted mummy to come to) Rugby tots this week. Most weeks she enjoys it and like many clubs we pay in advance and it’s not cheap. She goes with dad as it involves parental assistance with throwing etc (not my forte) and therefore I’m still in my jimjams holding screaming toddler who wants to go to rugby tots 😬 Am I right to make her go? She’s not ill just a bit off this morning after busy day yesterday. Plus it was cancelled last week so maybe the break has made her more anxious. What do other parents do when their kids get cold feet about clubs they usually enjoy?

Ds often asks to stay home but then loves it when hes there. Or cries if he misses out if we don't encourage him to go. So I tend to encourage him to go. But if it's every week that I have to do this then I'll cancel at end of term.

If she usually enjoys it and it was paid for, i think you were right to make her go as presumably she'd enjoy it when she got there. If was coming home and saying she hadn't enjoyed herself that would be different imo and i'd not book the next block of sessions.

Did she have fun in the end, OP?

I can’t see many 3yos desperate to sign up for rugby tots without someone putting the idea in their head.

Totally agree with this. If it is an activity that they have chosen to do (unlikely at 3 or 4) without parental suggestion, then they need to know they can't just pick and choose when they go, but if it something the parent wants them to do they shouldn't be forced to go. I don't include swimming lessons in this, because swimming is a life skill.

If they enjoy it when they get there then I tell them they have to go. If they don't enjoy it at all then we cut our losses. Life is too short.

I think if she was older and had asked to join this club, I would make her go to show her the importance of committing to something she's agreed to do. But she's still quite little so although I would be unimpressed at the loss of money, I perhaps wouldn't make her go if she got upset every week.

Ds (4) goes to anything he’s chosen till at least the next point at which we can leave (block or term). There’s no way I’d let him give up a sport just cause one day it felt easier to stay home in the warm and watch tv / blob about.

I often don’t fancy a run but I go anyway cause overall I find it a rewarding hobby. But you need to keep at it for the reward. If I gave up every time I’d prefer a hot bath I’d not get any reward. On the other hand, if I truly hated running entirely then I’d find another way to stay active. Same goes for ds.

For those who say a 4yr old won’t have chosen rugby tots. My 4 yr old has started saying he wished he could learn football or rugby. With no prompting from us. We’re looking into it as every time we pass bigger kids playing in the park in proper kits he goes on about how anacing it is and he wants to do it.

This is why my ds only attends one class and thats swimming which imo is a life skill. I see alot of kids in my area and on here that are attending 3 upwards classes a week as well as school and any after school childcare. When do children get to be children and just come home from school and play out or in the house. They need downtime.

If you have to force your child out the door thats a major clue to give it up

I think at 4 if she doesn't want to go then she shouldn't be made to. Surely it's about having fun! 14 and its slightly different they need to learn about commitment and letting others people.down.

DS was in tears last week about going to football as he said some of the boys are mean. So fine he's not going there anymore he can do it after school instead. He's 7.

The money has been spent already so why upset your child just so feel like you get your money's worth

Is that a 4yo at school museumum? If so then outside influences start to come into play and that’s a different story. But a 3yo who is still largely at home is ruled by what the parents want. I’m not criticising, like I said, I’m also that parent. I always wanted dd1 to do Brownies and Irish dancing. Now at 10 she’s falling out of love with brownies but adores Irish dancing and is good at it. But they were my wishes for her, and if she wants to stop then I wouldn’t force her, and I certainly wouldn’t have forced her at 3.

SadieHH - my 4yr old is at preschool (Scotland) and the OPs Child is “4 nearly 5” so same age.

At that age ds just dipped in and out of activities. The only thing he's ever stuck with has been singing, although now he is 10 he has four regular hobbies. Two he has been doing for a couple of years, one a year and another two months. As long as he is enthusiastic about them I will continue to encourage him, but if he starts to wane I will stop because it isn't worth forcing things.

I doubt too many people are doing hobbies they started at 4 or 5, you need to expect things to come and go at that age.
My dd started dancing, swimming club, a theatre group that all came and went. She is now in year 9 and showing lots of sticking power with even challenging things like d of e and army cadets( camping out in the snow last weekend!). So I dont think you’d be setting her up for bad habits if you let her stop.

My dd started doing her favourite hobby (dance) at the age of two and a half! Obviously, it was my choice for her to do it, but that choice was based on my observations of her behaviour - it wasn't something I had thought about previously. I saw that dd was constantly dancing, so enrolled her in a class. Ten years on, she can't get enough of it!

My 7 year old complains about going to his clubs every week but he enjoys it once he's there, it's more just 'I like what I'm doing right now and don't want to stop'.
If your daughter seems to enjoy it when she's there then I would continue to make her go. The only time I wouldn't make them go is if they were ill, particularly tired etc, but generally I make them go, the general understanding is, if you sign up for a club you have to go every week. If they were genuinely unhappy at / after the activity for more than one time then I would let them stop. Almost always they seem to enjoy the thing once they go.