Returning to work after postnatal depression

[Yourztrulyxxx]

My daughter is now 14 months and I am due back at work
It’s been a hard year. I definitely had/ still have undiagnosed post natal depression. As well as the baby I have 2 older kids who are not easy and to be honest I feel like a depressed mess trying to Find meaning/joy in what has felt like a very bleak time. I don’t have the best bond with the baby still now
I just don’t know if going back to work will break me.. or fix me..
on the one hand MAybe some distance will help how I feel but on the other hand maybe if I am not coping well now - adding the stresses of work will cause me to crack up completely.

I risk upsetting people at work who have kept my job open but I wouldn’t lose my job if I were to take paternal leave

Has anyone ever been in a similar position? Did work help you get perspective? Or do I need time to get in a better place first?

If you think that you have post-natal depression you might find it helpful to see the GP and seek some proper treatment. It is not something to be dismissed or to battle with on your own - it is a grim illness and needs proper treatment.

Going back to work was the best thing for me after I had dd1. But it was an easy job that I always did well in and they gave me compressed hours. If it had been a stressful job anyway, or long hours, it wouldn’t have been the same!
I think I’d got into a bubble and lost perspective a bit. I had been diagnosed and was on medication but was able to come off it pretty much right after returning.

Why do you have undiagnosed post natal depression? You definitely need to see you GP. I don't understand why you wouldn't.

I suppose I’ve never really been at that breaking point where I’ve felt I could get help. At the doctor for other things I just can’t seem to bring it up.. I’ll have in mind what I need to say and then when I’m there i feel silly to mention it