Private nursery vs state - help

[Idontknowwhatithink]

Long time poster but I've had to name change as it might be outing if I don't. I have two children aged 17 months and 2.10 yrs and I'm looking at nurseries for my soon to be three year old for a September start.

I've viewed a couple of local nurseries and I wasn't 'comfortable' for a number of reasons. At one all the staff seem to be under 25 and they've just felt really unprofessional.

I've just spent two hours at an 'Easter fun' afternoon at a local nursery attached to a private school. I'm under no illusion they hold these events to lure you in - but it's worked - their facilities are amazing! And their staff are so professional.

But, I have several dilemmas :( please bear with me.....

I'm white British, and so was everyone else there today and so are all the staff, and from what I could see so are all the children who attend the nursery.

I'm state school educated, grew up in a council house in inner London and quite proud of my working class roots as it has meant I have a good grip on what 'real life' is like for a lot of people and it has made me street wise. Everything about the school, the staff and the current children and parents screams middle class and privileged.

Am I being really weird to not want my children to go to a nursery that is in a 'bubble'? This nursery is far and away the best in the area but I feel really weird putting my children in this environment. Whilst chatting to the staff we were asked not only which road we live in but which end and I know why, one end has the £2m houses and the other the £250k flats, we live in the cheap end. I can't say what my DP and I do but I have a good office based career and earn £40k a year in London and DP is a tradesman which I know people are still snobby about and assume you are thick if you're a tradesman.

I feel so conflicted. I feel like I'm 'betraying' my values by wanting to send my children there but at the same time it looks like such a good nursery.

And then my final dilemma is we probably can't afford to send her to the primary school. Would it be wrong to send her to this amazing nursery when we know we will then move her the following year to a state primary school?

Why bother to get her settled in one environment to then move her again in 12m time to start reception?

Her primary school years are going to be more memorable for her than nursery so I'd say a "privileged " nursery is unlikely to have any long term impact on her. I'd send her to the nursery which she's most likely to stay in going through school.

OP doesn't mention a nursery attached to the school that DC will be going to though? Unless I have read this wrong, but it sounds like there'll be 12 months in one setting and then a move to school, and the question is whether that initial setting should be a private day nursery or a school nursery in a private school.

OP if you don't feel comfortable with the staff in a setting, I don't see how you can realistically send your child there. That is more important than your (valid) concerns about snobbery in the private school. Are there no other options locally?

I don’t think there’s a state vs private distinction at nursery level, as most nurseries are private and the ones that are run by local authority aren’t in a different ‘class’ than privately run ones. Nurseries based in primary schools are often ‘privately’ run by a separate business. It sounds as though the one attached to the private school is there to attract people in to the fee paying school, but I’d also expect it to be significantly more expensive than others - the 15 or 30 hours free can give you anything from totally free hours to a pretty massive nursery bill with a small amount taken off for the free bit! You can’t just assume it will be free.

Aside from all this, and if the extra cost doesn’t matter, I would just send her to the best nursery you’ve viewed if she’s going to have to move to a school after a year anyway.

What so your values are to priorities silly class inverse snobbery over making sure your children get the best in life? Nice to see you have you priorities straight. I would so advise you to avoid making assumptions based on the way people look. Most people assume that I am white British. I am neither white nor British, just good at picking up and accent and on the pale end of my ethnic spectrum. I'm surprised you didn't learn that is your streetwise council estate school.

You want variety of ethnicities but not a variety of financial backgrounds?

With a nursery I would say go on a visit (not a special day) and go with your gut instinct. We choose a nursery with younger staff but they are all well motivated and proffessional but I decided again a nursery with mixed aged staff were the younger staff seemed to be immature.

If the school nursery has a teacher then they will have much higher ratios.