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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I an over-protective mummy?

11 replies

dejags · 04/08/2004 13:58

My DS (3yrs2months) was outside while I was mowing the front lawn a few minutes ago. There are several older boys who ride their bikes around the neighbourhood (aged 7-10yrs) hanging around - they often pass the time of day with DS - he loves to pretend they are his friends and is always very eager to chat to them.

Anyway once I had finished in the garden he carried on chatting to these kids - I normally make him go inside but today I thought I would leave it. I listened for a few minutes with half an ear when I heard the word gigolo - I then crept a bit closer only to hear the bigger boys trying to get my 3 year old to say "i am a gigolo" (repeatedly). I am afraid I didn't handle it properly...

I went outside and loudly asked the boy if he knew what he meant - they then started finger pointing i.e. it wasn't me it was him. I told them off and said they should go home and ask their mums what the word meant before teaching rude words to little boys... I was so cross

The worst bit is that I made DS come inside - all the while explaining that he hadn't done anything wrong - he was so upset and now tells me that I am a mean mummy because I won't let him talk to his friends... he cried and won't let me near him... ... I am now in tears...

what would you have done?

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charliecat · 04/08/2004 14:02

I would have done exactly the same. Your ds will recover quickly but before you let him chat with this lot again I would warn them not to say anything like that again or ELSE!
Ds will forget soon, is there a favorite something you can distract him with so he forgets sooner than later.
You have done the right thing-Honestly dont feel bad!

hercules · 04/08/2004 14:04

That is the reason i dont let ds (8) play on the streets as there are older children who know and say things i dont want him to know about yet. Even the children who are his age or younger who play outside behave and say things I dont consider appropriate.
You cannot control the behaviour of the other children but you can ensure your ds doesnt mix with them.
He'll get over it and forget it in a few moments.

malinki · 04/08/2004 14:15

Dejags, sweetheart (((( BIG HUGS )))), you are not a bad mother at all. He is your son and he is innocent and you want to keep it that way until he can handle whats outside in the big wide world. I have the same problem with my DD (4 next week), she hates me when I call her to come in from the garden, anyone would think that I was turning her world upside down when I ask her to do something and she wants to play with the older boys on the street (all aged between 7-10 years old). You did the right thing, but you must explain to your DS why you wanted him to come in, explain that the word they said was too old for his ears to hear. Just give him a big cuddle and kiss, you'll be fine, especially if you can let him see you've been upset too.

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MeanBean · 04/08/2004 14:28

I don't think you're being over-protective. Just say to him that although the big boys are older than him, they're not as old as Mummy and so sometimes they make mistakes and have to be sent home to their Mummies to find out how not to make the mistakes!

aloha · 04/08/2004 14:40

If it's any consolation, I would (and have in the past) done EXACTLY the same thing (only my son wasn't upset as he was a bit younger at the time). Those boys needed telling that what they were doing was unacceptable - and funnily enough I got the same rather unpleasant response as you did, but I think they got the message. I think MeanBean's explanation is good, or just say, they were being a bit naughty, and suggest he gets a similarly aged friend over to play later/tomorrow instead.

Original poster

dejags · 04/08/2004 14:46

thanks for replying so quickly... you have all made me feel much better

I phoned DH at work because I was so upset... its the first time I have ever encountered anything like this - and am probably over-reacting (being 35 weeks pregnant might explain it )... DH was very dismissive about it.

I took DS into the back garden to play with this hosepipe and let him soak me - this is favourite pasttime in the world so all is forgiven...

I just wonder how a 10 year old can find it funny to corrupt an innocent 3 year old - what is this world coming to?

OP posts:

Angeliz · 04/08/2004 14:59

No i don't think you're over-protective.
As Malinki said, it's about trying to keep their innocence. Also the mocking of the little one would have angered me!

I was VERY upset the other week when my sister split up from her boyfreind and my 3.5 year old dd came home from a visit with nana and started explaining how, uncle * had moved out as he and sis had argued and don't like each other anymore!!!!!

She's 3 for Gods sake, she doesn't NEED the details.

Original poster

dejags · 04/08/2004 15:04

Angeliz

I know what you mean I felt a little bit violated on his behalf... he is such a friendly little guy and desparate to befriend them...they just take his innocent need to impress older children and throw it back in his face...

grrr I am still so mad

OP posts:

malinki · 04/08/2004 15:49

See dejags, you're not a bad mother after all , don't get too wet will you

Original poster

dejags · 04/08/2004 15:52

cheers Malinki!

OP posts:

Paula71 · 04/08/2004 20:50

See, dejags, and just to make it unanimous I would also do the exact same thing, you were not being over-protective. Just being a mummy and protecting your son from the older boys (and that age group are particularly cruel.)

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