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Original poster

Disastrous first play date

29 replies

Ezs23 · 23/03/2018 11:46

Just finished our first play date and it was a bit of a disaster. My son is 18 months, no older siblings. We invited my friend and her daughter round, she's a couple of moths younger than him. He spent the whole time being extremely territorial over his toys, trying to snatch toys back, crying/whinging and generally being unpleasant. I'm so embarrassed with his behaviour as he's normally quite a happy child although does have a temper at times. He was tired and went to bed part way through so that would explain some of it but how can I make it better for next time? Will it improve as I arrange more play dates? He's not at nursery yet but will start in September. The group we used to go to has stopped so the play dates and soft play are his main interactions with other kids. Please tell me this is normal and it will improve with increased interaction?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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NewImprovedNinja · 23/03/2018 11:49

Completely normal. Sharing isn't a concept at 18 months and it's a bit ridiculous to try to push it at this stage. Just let them do their own thing but fully supervised. He might be 4 or 5 years old before he really gets it so try not to get stressed.

Original poster

Ezs23 · 23/03/2018 11:57

Thank you! That's made me feel a bit better. The other little girl was so well behaved but she does go to nursery and also has an older brother. Plus she wasn't in her own house I guess.

OP posts:

Kittysparks1 · 23/03/2018 12:52

Please don't be embarrassed, he's only little, it's normal. My nephew has just turned 2 and he does have older siblings. He won't share a thing! Goes nuts if you so much as look at his toy. I'm talking full on screaming NO! I think it's hilarious. I take our own toys when I visit with my baby and let him play with them also. He will learn to share in his own time, just like his siblings did. Your kid is normal!

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Ohyesiam · 23/03/2018 12:58

Really really really really REALLY normal. They have no idea that something that leaves their hand can ever come back again till much older.
Changing the time of day might help, but mostly it’s time that will change it.

TheVanguardSix · 23/03/2018 13:00

Oh my goodness! I don't do playdates until mine are 4 and even then, it's reluctantly. You brave soul.

It's totally, totally normal. Kids parallel play really until the age of 3-4. The idea of a playdate is a bit lost on toddlers. Your child is completely normal and the concept of sharing is an Everest climb for most kids. Don't feel obliged to have playdates if they're a bit of a stressor for you and your little one. I think playgroup and nursery is about as much as they can handle at this stage. I tried to push a couple of playdates on DC2 when she was 2 (never even thought to arrange them with DC1) and it was just dismal. She shrieked and flung her Peppa Pig car across the room every time her 'friend' tried to grab it. I can still hear her piercing screams, 6 years later. She was a nightmare. Her friend was a nightmare. No more playdates! He's coming to her 8th birthday party next week. They grew into their playdates once they started primary school together.

Some kids are more passive than others, better behaved because they're just wired that way. I don't believe it's a learned behaviour at this stage. It's character.

Snowsnake · 23/03/2018 13:02

Oh dear..I have exactly the same problem,but my son is 8... it's been a long time since we had a friend over ....😁

rocketgirl22 · 23/03/2018 13:07

When ours were that age I really enjoyed playdates, but had them with friends so any embarrassing moment were fine either way, no judgement or shame!

I usually would set up an activity of some kind, play dough, crafts etc so that they didn't worry so much about toys. This worked so well, and only made it an hour max (or time for a coffee and a chat) short and sweet is the only way forward. Once any of the children became tired we would call it a day.

Learning to share is a life skill and practice makes perfect, I would continue as he will get used to it at some point and it will be good to have him ready for nursery/pre school but there is no rush he is not even two.

rocketgirl22 · 23/03/2018 13:08

I would also say some people just hate their things being touched. I remember hiding my favourite toys!!

unintentionalthreadkiller · 23/03/2018 13:13

He's only tiny!

Caterina99 · 23/03/2018 17:45

Totally normal. We have friends we can do home play dates with and friends we can’t. For some reason my DS (he’s 2.5 now) is happy to share with some kids, but others he goes bonkers if they even look at his stuff. Mostly girls he’s ok with as it’s stereotypical but they don’t seem as into the exact same toys as him.

He’s usually fine at other people’s houses. It’s HIS toys that he’s possessive over

We meet other friends for play dates at the park or library or soft play etc. No toys to fight over

DragonsAndCakes · 23/03/2018 17:47

Until they were about four I only did play dates for me, ie meeting up with my friends who happened to have babies.

KoshaMangsho · 23/03/2018 17:54

He’s 18 months. A complete stranger came into his space and took his beloved possessions. And he doesn’t have the rationality to know that this was meant to be socially beneficial for him! Of course he freaked out.
At this age it is better to meet in parks. Till they are 3 they mostly do parallel play. They can’t really communicate with each other can they- so they can’t play together.
If you are worried about socialising him then playgroups are a better bet.
We started having play dates aged 4. And that too heavily supervised.

jellycat1 · 23/03/2018 18:13

Oh OP do not give it another thought! At 16 and 18mths that play date would qualify as veritable success compared to some we've experienced

Highhorse1981 · 23/03/2018 18:16

18 months!m
You didn’t have a play date. You had two mums get together with babies that behaved like babies!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 23/03/2018 18:20

It wasn't a play date!

Mol1628 · 23/03/2018 18:20

Normal. Agree meet at parks/soft play till they’re about 4/5

cestlavielife · 23/03/2018 18:24

It s not a play "date".. they too young...at this age it s a parents date with toddlers coming along who might sleep or fight or play or whatever.

Original poster

Ezs23 · 23/03/2018 20:24

Thanks everyone. Your comments have helped me get things into perspective. I'm thinking more rationally now. I'm disabled so struggle with soft play as it's obviously physical at this age so tend to do that when my husband is off and he can be the lucky one to supervise.
I think because I find a lot of groups physically difficult with my disability I worry that I'm not taking him out as much as I should.
Sorry for calling it a play date. Obviously I didn't expect them to play together but it wasn't exactly a coffee date either as we both spent our time supervising the kids as you'd expect.
Next time I'll refer to it as 'supervised parallel play' so as not to irritate anyone

OP posts:

Rainatnight · 23/03/2018 20:28

Totally normal. At a recent play date, my DD, who is normally a happy, sociable little soul, found it all so stressful, she announced she wanted to go to bed! And I think it gets worse before it gets better. She's 21 months now and used to be more chilled but now there's a lot of MINE.

Starbuckssister · 23/03/2018 20:35

I used to get so stressed by this - DS is 5 and only just getting the hang of sharing his toys/space. If neither of you enjoy 'playdates' I just wouldn't push it for now - leave it a month or two and then try again. As pp said you may find it better if your friend hosts as my experience was ds was much worse in our house than elsewhere, or he might clash less with another child.

JKCR2017 · 23/03/2018 23:06

At 18 months that is completely normal and expected behaviour! ☺️

Highhorse1981 · 24/03/2018 06:41

Ezs23

I think you e for the wrong end of the stick.

You referring to it as a play date wasn’t so much an irritant. It was an incorrect statement. Reason being is that when you’re child is 5/6 etc, they really are “play dates” is the children play together, have dinner together etc.
Whereas what you had wasn’t a play date because the children weren’t playing together and, at that age, none would have done so. They’re babies! At that age, it’s about getting together with the other mum. The child gets nothing out of it other than stress that having to share toys!

Highhorse1981 · 24/03/2018 06:41

your child

Original poster

Ezs23 · 24/03/2018 14:32

🙄

OP posts:

Rainatnight · 24/03/2018 14:52

Yeah, but it's just an expression. No one setting up a play date is basing it on developmental appropriateness. 'Mum date' is a bit embarrassing, no?

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