Extreme clingyness

[Basketofwool]

I'm at the end of my tether with my 19 month old who is EXTREMELY clingy. He's been like it for about 6 months, I thought it was a phase which would pass after a few months but it's getting worse.

Basically he screams if I walk away from him/leave the room etc. I literally cannot do anything- chores, making dinner, get a glass of water without him following me and crying. I feel like a hostage. My DH is also fed up as he feels useless and unwanted and all he ever seems to do it pick him up and carry him away from me while DS screams. DS will never just happily sit and play with him if he knows I'm in the vicinity.

It just doesn't seem normal. I know clingyness is normal in toddlers but this is surely next level. And it's only getting worse. I don't know what to do. He has started going to a childminder a few days a week which I thought might help, he seems happy enough there but it hasn't made any difference.

I'm just so fed up of the constant crying. What do I do???

Shamelessly placemarking as my 12 month old is the same. Even if I just stand up he panics. The crying is really horrible, proper screams with tears. No idea what to do as he's also been like it for months. Hope you get some constructive replies!

Usually I can't stand Oliver James, but this is one time when his method of love bombing might work. Behave towards your toddler the way he behaves towards you. Pick him up before he asks or cries. Refuse to put him down if he wriggles. Smother him in kisses and telling him how much you love him etc. Don;t stop until he's the one who is trying to get away. Do this for several days until he tries to get away more quickly and more often. It worked with DS1 for me. He was just like that. Screamed his head off if anyone except me went near him.

Another thing that works (more with younger age) is playing peekaboo a lot, as it teaches them that people who go away will come back. they have no understanding of time at that age. They have just worked out that you are ultra important and so they'd better keep you in sight at all times. It's a survival instinct. If you play peek a boo a lot, including leaving the room and then popping your head round the door, then leaving the room and going down the corridoor then coming back and saying peekaboo, they they start to work out that if you go away you will return.

My DD 25 months was like this from 12 months until last month! I felt almost like a prisoner. At first I used to get her to help me do the housework. Putting washing on floor to put in washing machine, DD would enjoy putting it in, giving her a clean cloth whilst I was cleaning and asking her to 'clean' a certain area. It worked well for a small time. Then it was nack to the same, crying and holding onto my leg whilst I was washing up. Mopping whilst holding her.
I gave her so much attention and played with her so much!
I have to older DDs aged 10 and 4. I hardly had time for them. DD would push my 4 year old away when I gave her a cuddle.

Now things are much better, I started going for a walk or going out whilst DP was at home. Making a point of giving them all kisses so she knew I was leaving for a bit. DP managed to do all housework and play with all of them with no problems, we did this for a few weeks! She is now fine! She now knows that after housework is done she will have her time with me, as she does with DP.
I have managed to clean my whole kitchen this morning while DD plays with her toys in living room. I am now ready to give her an hour if my time until I get an activity out for her to do on her own while I clean and tidy living room.

Whilst your DS is at childminders he will be fine, he does not associate CMs with you. He associates home with you. I honestly think he needs you to not be at home for a bit so that association breaks a little. Does that make sense?

• two not to! *back not nack Wow, skippy has bad grammar and many typos this morning. Sorry!

Ah really good advice thanks guys. Also always good to know I'm not alone.
I'd never heard of the love bombing thing before. That's definitely worth a try. Weirdly, DS actually isn't very cuddly so I reckon he will find lots of cuddles and kisses super irritating!
I will also try getting out of the house without him more.
Hopefully I won't have another 6 months of this!