Introducing a baby to ex's new parnter.

[Firsttimemuminneed]

Hi everyone. I am after some advise.

Me and my partner split 6 months ago when our baby boy was 3 months old.
I was suffering postnatal depression and he oviously couldnt or wouldnt stick by us and ended up leaving me for a one night stand.

I wouldnt say he is a hands on dad. He shows up when he can but the rest is down to me. Nappy changes and feed times
He has the selfie times with my son so he can post on social media to let everyone know hes doing a grand job.

Basically. I am not over him. However i do not wish to be with him. But i think this will take time as being the father of my child is a pretty special thing to me.
He is in a new relationship. His second one since we split. This girl has a child a 2 year old daughter who wasted no time introducing my ex to her on there first date.
They have now been together a month and she keeps pushing myself and him to introduce my son to her. Id just like to add he is 9 months old. Not a child.. a baby.
She is talking about how she will look after him and he should stay for sleepovers as her daughter will like to see him too.

In my opinion a month is too soon to introduce a child to another female. But a BABY is just criminal. Surely?
My son still wakes twice in the night and has never gone a day without me since the day he was born. Am i being unreasonable putting my foot down and saying no its to soon?

My ex seems to think so, so his solution is to take me to court so he can see his son on his terms with no restrictions to who he can or cant introduce our son to. I feel defeated please help.

I would completely agree that a month is too soon! I didn’t meet my DSD for 6 months for that reason. Unfortunately the courts can’t really dictate when new partners are introduced.
However if your baby’s dad has never had him for a full day they’re unlikely to say he can go straight into overnights.
I would be suggesting to him that he starts with having him for a couple of hours then build it up to a day then to overnight. It’s completely reasonable and if he does take you to court then you can say the same thing.
Also court isn’t a quick process and it’s possible this relationship will be over by the time it all goes through or at least more established

Are you bf?

When we were together i left our son with him on 3 occasions while i went to work as he couldnt hold down a job i was forced to work.
On all 3 occasions he txtd me after an hour or two asking me to come home because he couldnt cope. It all boils down to him not being able to get out of bed before 5pm because he sleeps all day and gambles all night.
When we split i didnt want to see him. So i dropped my son off to his nans house where he lived and left them to it. On all 4 occasions he txtd me to get him earlier then the time we had set which was 2-4:15pm.
Now we are on better terms for 2 months now he comes to see DS on a monday ar 12:30 and a thursday or friday for an hour (his choice) he has never attended the thurs or friday and cancelled everytime and every monday he shows up but he is always late. The monday just got was a record of 5 hours late. Because he couldnt get out of bed.
Now his new girlfriend has got involved and is demanding to meet DS. And he is just doing what she says to keep her happy. She has pushed for court because she doesnt like us being in eachothers company. Even though we have both assured her that we do this for DS' benefit. I know DS' dad will just sit back and let his girlfriend do everything, nappy changes, feeds night feeds. Bath time. So why should i let this happen?
He doesnt ever change a nappy when i ask him to. He wont feed him because he gets messy. And he rarely holds his own son. Names edited out by MNHQ

Also id just like to add that this is his second relationship since we split. He has cheated on both parners with myself. Even the one hes with now. Hes lies continuously to her.
And he has cheated on every girlfriend he has ever had. He even took to sexting while i was in labour. I have the envidence

Op do you realise that you e band your son in your post? You might want to get that edited for privacy reasons.

Don’t let this woman push you around. You can say no - it’s not her choice and she doesn’t get a say. Practice saying ‘no, he is to young’.

Sounds like he is just trying to impress his new girlfriend by pretending to be a good dad .
Just keep to your guns. If he's gambling and sleeping all day she will be off soon , hopefully she will see sense . You need to find better boundaries tho . Don't let him just walk in and see your son late . Give him say 20 mins , if he isn't there , don't wait around for him to turn up ... Especially 5 hours. He needs to prove his priorities and if it's not your Son , then he will be better without him in his life .

Your ex is a waste of space at the moment! You say he has cheated on his two subsequent partners with you, does that mean you are still sleeping with him?? If you are you need to stop!

I most definitely would NOT allow him to introduce your BABY to his girlfriend of one month!! That is ridiculously quick and his girlfriend is irresponsible for allowing her child to meet him so quickly. A month in to a new relationship is no indication that it will last and none of you should be subjecting your children to meeting new partners for (in my opinion) several months until the relationship looks like it is stable and going to last.

Get legal advice now! Given his history of not working, unable to get out of bed, cancelling contact with your son, calling you to collect your son on the rare occasion he sees him, I think you should be going for minimal and supervised contact only. GET LEGAL ADVICE to put a contact order in place.

He is a waste of space hense why i do not wish to get back with him regardless to my feelings for him. I am trying to keep all evidence but i got a new phone 2 weeks ago and dont have the messages. Is there anyway i could get them back on whatsapp?

His girlfriend is bulgarian (not that it matters) but she is sending her child back to bulgaria to live so she can stay and get a visa.
Another reason i do not wish to hand over my son. I understand they do stuff differently but her excuse for introducing her daughter on the first date is because she knew he was the one. How rediculous

No way would I be letting some random woman look after my baby (which from your description of your ex sounds like what would happen).

Unless you believe ex is trustworthy I would stop allowing him unsupervised access.
Once your son starts crawling and picking things up to put in his mouth etc, is he going to be safe alone with his dad?

Maybe change contact to 2-3 1-2 hour visits a week at yours and your sons home and until you can see he's capable of looking after him without you needing to step in for safety/not meeting basic needs reasons.

Your son primarily has a right to be safe and have his needs met, and also has a right to a relationship with both of his parents if it is possible without compromising that.
Your ex has no rights, he has a responsibility, and currently it doesn't sound like he's fulfilling that.

I do trust his dad with my son but i dont trust that he will introduce this girl to my son without my consent or knowledge.
Which is why we have been meeting up every monday to take my son out for the day.
And then he is suppose to come either a thursday or friday for an hour or two but never shows up. Always has some excude that hes unwell or whatever but its all because he is to tired. I never want to stop him seeing his son and i encourage them to have quality time to bond. BUT i will not allow this women to take charge of my child after a month. Especially with his track record of women coming in and out of his life.

Stop sleeping with him.

Tell him that until he keeps to the agreement you already have then no more contact time will be approved.

He's got you wrapped around his little finger.
Start being the grown up.

Seek legal advice before he does.

Who is looking after the baby while you're having sex with him on his visits?

I am not having sex with him anymore.
He was living with me on a temporary basis as he had no where to go. When i asked him to leave he moved in with his girlfriend.
My child is usually in bed asleep not that thats rellivent

We havnt had sex with eachother since i found out he was with this girl.
The visits started after he moved out.

I do not go near him now.

I've already posted upthread - please read.

Just adding an additional comment - If your ex can't cope with looking after your son for a couple of hours, you really must NOT allow him to have your son overnight. You know NOTHING about his new gf or how she looks after her own child, you really can't trust them to look after your son for 12 hours overnight. Your son is too young to be away from you and with a dad he barely knows and a stranger!

As I've said upthread - you need legal advice and should aim for your ex to have supervised daytime visits only to build a relationship with your son. Your ex also needs to prove he is reliable and responsible!

so I'm clear,
Your broke up 6 months ago but he only moved out 1 month ago, and straight into his new girlfriends house? The visits have only been in place for 1 month and he cant keep to those?

No wonder you're still hurting, that's a lot to deal with.

Maybe don't be so angry at him- when he doesn't turn up or rearranges do you argue?
Explain that until he proves his worth as a father alone you do not wish for him to meet his girlfriend. Once a regular thing is in place, and you trust that she is around for the long term then you will facilitate his and her relationship with your son - until then he needs to become a father and realise the baby is not just a toy to pick up when he pleases.

Hi everyone. We have had words and come to an agreement that we will not be considering

Introducing any people to my son untill we both agree suitable. Thank god!!!
Iv spoken to him but sometimes i feel he just tells me what i want to hear and the same to his girlfriend. I asked if i was being reasonable because i know i still love him. The reasons why im not sure but i do. It was incredibly hard letting him back into my home and when he left i had to attend counselling. I know i am a fool but hopefully with time the feelings will subside and il be able to get on with my life. The hardest thing is loosing ur family. I will still be seeking legal advise just incase. But thank you all for the advise