Heya I’m really feeling in limbo at the moment, finding myself staring to loose my love for my partner of 10 years. We were together for 5 years before DD came along and I saw the red flags but was young and naive and thought I could see past the anger issues and emotionally controlling ways. Of course back then I hadn’t realised it was emotional abuse and blamed his bad childhood thinking I could take him in under my wing and help him.
I’m now drained 10 years later and with a 5 and 2 year old, he can be a good dad but if he’s in a bad mood he has no filter for the children and they pick up on his anger. My DD is 5 and starting to copy his behaviour.
I’ve told him im close to leaving and he’s got abit better but still feel very unhappy with the dynamics of the relationship. I’m sick of living in a place that has punch holes in the wall from him, too embarrassed to have friends over, he ses he will fix it but keeps putting it off (it’s been a year now) I say I don’t want to live in a place where everything is bodged and his reply is that’s what I’ll get if I’m with him. I do all the childcare which I don’t mind but I do mind when he’s drunk and messes up the kids routine by disregarding what I say.
I also no he would make it hell for me if I left him, luckily I can go back to my mums but he already tells DD that I’m a shit mother or I’m horrible, she thinks her dads cool but I feel he’s a bad influence and worry if we have to co parent I won’t b around to try shelter her. I worry he will try brainwash her into thinking I’m bad, he’s very manipulative, once when I said I was close to leaving he said he would take the kids off me, I’ve become stronger now and starting to see through his manipulative ways so I know he can’t take the kids off me but he can use the kids as weapons and worry that he will. Have to add we would be in a hard financial state if we left but I’m prepared to work my ass off to better my kids and my life. Anyone been in my shoes? Or got advice?