Advice on new born

[doxiepoxie]

Hello all,
My son is 19 days old. He lost 12% from birth weight as I was anemic and took time to get milk in. He's now just above and I've been signed off by midwife.
Just after a bit of advice.. my little one is constantly hungry.. he feeds literally every hour and if he isn't feeding, he cries. He sleeps in the car and in the pram but otherwise there is not nice calm time.
Am I naive to think there would be? I'm exhausted from feeding so frequently and expressing so much. The most time I get out of the house is one hour at a time!
Is this all normal for a little person??

Have you tried a dummy? At about 4 weeks both of my dc started to fuss and use me as a dummy at times instead of feeding. Dummy instantly settled them.
The first 4 wks or so though will be really up and down, so please don't worry. Things tend to settle a wee bit after that (although they still don't sleep long) and 6-8 weeks is often peak fussiness.

I really really feel for you, mine was exactly the same. I don't think it's normal in the sense that most babies aren't like it (at least everyone I know didn't have anywhere as hard babies), but my DD was checked over by doctors, health visitors and osteopaths and there was no real cause other than reflux early on and colic.
Mine basically cried non stop for 5 months and it was hell. And they fed for 45 minutes every 2 hours until 5 months too.

You have all my sympathies and I really hope it gets better for you. Maybe worth looking into tongue tie and reflux?

This may be an unpopular post but....

If your breastfeeding then try giving him some formula

Try it in the evening to start with to see if it helps him to settle to sleep

I drove myself mad in a similar situation to you, felt like if I went to formula I would be letting him/myself down but it was honestly the best thing for all of us! His hunger was satisfied, he was content, went down for naps and sleep and now at 12 weeks is sleeping through the night (11pm - 8am)

Do what works for you.

Feeding every hour js completely normal. At that age their stomach is tiny and it’s also the way of establishing your milk supply. It will settle down!

There's loads of growth spurts too the first few weeks. I couldn't put my daughter down anywhere without her screaming for weeks and weeks. She hated her pram and hated her car seat so I would get to wherever then feed her, then try and shop/chat but usually ended up feeding in the nearest cafe again. I didn't really (and still don't) have a baby that would have these great long naps so I could do something! I did manage to get through a good many boxsets whilst feeding though!

I second the PP who mentioned a dummy! Worked a dream with our baby who is now 10 weeks old and so much more chillled. I feel your pain as had a really tough time adjusting to life with a baby first few weeks but as is that answer to a lot of baby things ‘it will pass’...if baby seems uncomfortable try seeing GP to get something incase it’s reflux. Ranitidine works wonders for us.

Keep BFing if you can, it’s exhausting to begin with it does settle and reduce in quantity of feeds needed as weeks go on! I’m sure you’re doing a great job :)

It's pretty normal, yeah. If he wasn't feeding effectively to begin with and lost a lot he also likely is trying to make up for it by feeding lots now.

Feeding lying down on your side can be a lifesaver.

Yes, that can be normal, but Doha e a word with your HV/ GP and check whether your LO may have silent reflux. My eldest was always crying or feeding, and only calm in the car or, sometimes, the sing. He never sept for long and was always grumpy. He was nearly six months when someone pointed out it sounded like SR, and medication really helped.

Ps I would be cautious about introducing a dummy yet with a baby who had significant losses and has only just regained birth weight. There is a risk of suppressing or missing feeding cues and for his weight to plateau again if he misses feeds. I would wait until he is a month old and feeding is a bit more established.

My daughter was like this. Not happy unless she was on the boob. I'm assuming you are breast feeding? If not, my advice is probably useless ... but i found once I accepted that was my life for the time being, it got a lot easier. Your baby could be cluster feeding to up your supply, and it will definitely get easier. My daughter is 3 months now, and is a lot more chilled out. She still feeds quite frequently, I get about an hour between feeds. From my experience, it is completely normal.

Thank you for the of the supportive replies... so good to know I'm not alone!
I've tried a dummy.. sometimes it settle him but other times he spits it out.
I'm off to the osteopath tomorrow as it was a ventouse delivery so worried he is in pain somehow.
I feel like I'm chained to my bed with him and desperately want to get out and see people.
I'm really thinking about formula as a way forward, hubby not keen though.
Just want to know it will get better ..

It definitely will get better.

One option to continue with bf would be to learn to feed in a sling - the Caboo or similar are easy to adjust to allow this and suitable for a newborn. That allows you to move around while feeding.

It will also definitely get better though, and given that your baby is so young and still making up for significant loss post birth I'd be inclined to hang in there for a bit and let him try to catch up before I introduced formula. It's 100% your call though.

He will go through phases of that as his feeding is what establishes your milk supply - it’s called cluster feeding.

My baby is 5.5 weeks old and a very alert baby too - he is not a big sleeper at all. It does steadily get easier as you get towards 12 weeks OMG told.

We cosleep - I find this gets me more sleep as I breast feed him where he sleeps and also he settles instantly so it helps his sleeping. He definitely sleeps longer now at night than he used to.

Avoid a dummy if you can - it sends odd signals when they have a nipple but no milk and can impact their teeth badly.

Also get the wonder weeks app - it’s nhs approved and really good at telling you when your baby is having a development leap which she’s him feed and comfort more.

Do t give up on breast feeding - there’s such positive research on the short and long term benefits including to IQ an income by age 30.

My midwife advised that after 40 mins on one Brest it would be unlikely they were getting any more from it so to swap to the other.
To a certain extent it is normal for them to cluster feed and things with my LO didn’t settle until around 6 weeks but she wasn’t quite as frequent as every hour.
Just done things to maybe consider

• is it a good latch? Have you had it checked by midwife/HV/breastfeeding advisor? Is it pain free? It may be Baby isn’t feeding quite properly hence isn’t filling up.
• are you doing plenty of skin to skin to encourage milk production. I did this and also took breastfeeding vitamins and a tea to encourage milk production, both from amazon.
• could it be wind? My LO sucks to relieve wind. Are you keeping Baby upright after a feed to bring wind up? Are they sick much? Gripe water really helped us but can only be used from a month old. Some people also say infacol works well.
• are you feeding in the early hours? I think that’s when milk production is at its peak so I was advised it’s important to feed as much as you can through the night.

Both mine have had a bottle of formula from quite early on in the evening just to give me a break and to get some sleep. At 8 weeks I still hand over to DH at 8pm and sleep until 11/12 ish. He has a bottle if needed which now sometimes isn’t.

Why are you expressing? I suggested doing this to my HV so LO wasn’t having formula. She is quite old school but basically told me not to be so ridiculous, I’d be putting myself under too much pressure. She told me to give myself a break in the early days! Rest is so important to milk supply so don’t be overdoing it. Your only job is to feed. Others need to pick up the rest for you.

Ds was exactly the same, he had reflux and colic. I’m so sorry for the tough time you’re going through OP. I’d stick with the dummy. It’s done ds no harm, no nipple confusion and his teeth are lovely and straight now he’s 1!

I'm really thinking about formula as a way forward, hubby not keen though

With respect, it’s not your husbands who’s breasts we are talking about!!!
I struggled so much in the first 6 weeks or so. Tried and tried to get him fed and satisfied with breastfeeding. I was exhausted, emotional and still in pain/shock from labour. The pressure to “keep going, it gets easier!” Was immense from HV,midwifes etc
In the end I had just had enough. Maybe it does get better but yknow what? I wasn’t going to hang on for another god knows how many more weeks of misery/exhaustion! You want to be able to enjoy your new born not feel like your fighting a constant uphill battle.
Formula is not a cop out, it’s food for you baby. Good luck x

It sounds pretty normal, one thing jumped out to me - why are you expressing? If you're then feeding that milk you're doing twice the work, plus putting your body and his needs out of sync. If someone else is feeding him while you express you're in sync but again, extra work for extra hands. If you're trying to up supply the best way is skin to skin and feed on demand, expressing is less effective and again, you'll be out of sync for actual feeds.

Obviously there may be a good reason, but if there isn't stop expressing for a couple of weeks and stick to breast feeds until you find your rhythm.

You could always consider mixed feeding so you can get out more.
It’s not your husband breastfeeding so it’s really not his decision to make. Is exhausting and I sympathise. The odd bottle of formula won’t do any harm and happy mum equals happy baby.

Also - try giving him a couple drops of infacol before each feed, burp him until you get some wind up and try to hold him up right for half an hour after each feed, helps with wind.

I remember breast feeding and expressing like crazy in the early days but I was miserable and exhausted. If I could go back i’d do things differently.

I was put on a feeding plan by the midwife, which means bf both sides, then express as much as poss (I can do about 30ml in 20 mins).. then top up with formula to 40ml.
I'm glad he had gained but just feel like the feeding is a bit ridiculous as he never seems full up. I've had the latch checked and it's all ok.. I do the lying down position which is a god send. Just feel all over the place.. when will get to enjoy him instead of worrying about his crying and when the next feed will be ..

So many wonderful replies here.. thank you all so much for taking the time to post x

Oh that’s is hard Doxie. I feel as FTM I have similarly put so much pressure on myself and is spoilt things with ds. It’s taken me until literally now he’s 1 for me to start enjoying things

It has*

Sorry posted too soon...

It got alittle easy for me when ds turned 6.5months and then easier again at 1 but have heard the magic number is 18 months. Have you looked into the symptoms of reflux?

Well done- to be still breastfeeding after him losing that much weight is brilliant and not easy exhausting. My ds lost 12.5% and I had feed, top up with expressed milk, express till he started feeding more efficiently and got back to his birth weight. I assume you're expressing to build up your supply, but he's probably doing that himself now by feeding so much all the time. I stopped expressing when he started gaining well and he was fine. Perhaps try stopping and see how it goes? You can always start again but it might mean that you can get out more, even if it's just to a coffee shop and you feed him there.

It's completely normal for babies to feed so often at that age, they have so many growth spurts at the start and he's building up your supply. Obviously it's your choice if you want to introduce some formula (and I think your dh should support you in that) but it may affect your supply. It's really difficult, but does get easier.
Good luck!