Shy and struggling to make friends

[AQ]

Hi

Anyone got any advice on how to support a 5 year old who is shy and unconfident and struggling to make friends at school?

His teacher has suggested play dates - which I have done, but progress has slowed because (1) he always wants the same few children (who play nicely with him at home but then won't play with him at school when their best friends are there), (2) He isn't coming up with any new names for me to invite over, (3) He refused to back to people's houses for tea without mummy, (4) I am back at work 3 days a week. I think we need a different tack.

When I look at info on creating confident children, I believe I do the full list (he gets lots of attention and praise etc..)

What else can I try to help him?

Please let me know your thoughts and ideas..

There was a simliar thread a while back about this. My dss was very shy quiet etc, we got him into scouts (which is no longer preachy in case that would put you off). It did wonders for his confidence and social skills - he was like a different kid! That was 2 yrs ago and he now plays football for a team too and is much more confident . What about something similar for your ds? I think at school kids tend to get pigeon holed in terms of who plays with who - giving him a fresh environment to make friends in may help.

Could do scouts, karate (other dss does this) or other martial arts, football (don't have to skilled), youth club, swimming lessons, art club. All areas tend to have quite a range of things for kids to do once you look into it. I'm sure there may be something he would fancy trying. Ask at school, leisure centres, church halls, children's information service, etc.

My DS1 (4) is a lot more confident since starting karate last year. They have to do things like shout out their name or count from one to ten in japanese in front of the whole class if the teacher tells them to and he really didn't want to do it because he was too shy. After a while he got used to it and now he's happy to shout out and he's so comfortable asserting himself that he's just got a speaking part in the school play.
Might be worth trying something like this to bring him out of his shell.

Thanks for your thoughts and ideas. He already does swimming lessons, gymnastics and Stagecoach, so I think we are all thinking along the same lines. I had not thought of Scouts, so I think I should put his name down for a local pack. Any more ideas, please keep them coming!!