Won't Poo In Toilet

[LisaandLucy]

I have previously posted on this site and got such great advice I need to ask all you good people again. DD (she'll be 4 in July)has been severely constipated for months, missed by GP and HV who thought not going for a poo was behavioural - unbelievable (you Mums knew what the problem was!) Anyway, been in hospital for double enema to flush her out. We now have to train her to use the loo again - nightmare. She has no fear of the loo as she'll happily go when she needs a wee - but she will not tolerate a poo in the loo. The constipation started because she had a big poo that hurt and she still has the fear. We're currently trying treats for the umpteenth time but still not working. Under the guidance of a peadiatrician she's on medication designed to make the bowel work again and give her the feeling of needing to go. Problem is it's making her want to go more often and she'll only do it in her knickers. We've been scrubbing dirty knicks for 8 months and we're now struggling not to lose the plot completely. We're wondering whether to just tell her to forget pooing in the loo for now and go back to nappies when she needs one, but obviously we don't want this to be counterproductive. We need to decide what's more important - pooing on the loo or not doing it in her knickers. My gut feeling is, at this stage, it's the latter? What do you think? Has anyone experienced this? I think we're feeling the pressure a little more than usual (if that's possible!) as we're going abroad in 8 weeks and she starts school in September. Milestones we could do without but are nevertheless very real and worrying. So, in a nutshell - no fear of loo, will wee as expected. Fear of having a poo in the loo - can't get her to do it whatever we try. Please help - we may be going insane!!!!!!!

I had a similar prob with my son, would wee in the toilet but not poo (would never use a potty for anything!) he used to come and ask me for a nappy when he needed a poo and we would change it as soon as he had finished. In the end I had run out of nappies one day and he really needed to go so he sat on the toilet with me holing his hand (for what seemed like ages!) and finally pooed in the toilet. He was so pround of himself we couldn't flush it away until he had shown everone This was just before his fifth birthday. I would say take the pressure off your daughter for a while, go back to nappies if this feels right for you and her and take your time. What I find intresting is that she doesn't have a fear of bowel movements (and that is what originally caused the pain) but the toilet, how do you thhink she would react to a potty?

DD (3 next month) is the same - will hold poo in if she can't do one in a nappy (has been on senna for almost a year to keep bowel moving). She's fine doing wees on potty or toilet. I think it's more important to do a poo, so just put a nappy on when she asks

Hi we had a problem with DS when he was about 3.5 where he would only poo in nappies even though he had been weeing in the toilet for ages. If he needed a poo he would try and hold it in and demand a nappy once the poo was done the nappy came off again. I was getting quite fed up with this. I did some research on the internet and the strong theme that came out was to reduce the pressure by not making having a poo a big deal. So I backed off for about a month and cheerfully gave him a nappy when he asked and didn't make a fuss. After that time I told him that when the packet of nappies had finished there would be no more nappies i.e. none in the house. The first day was really hard he kept asking for a nappy and clearly needed to go (he had a bare bum to make things easy) eventually I could see an accident was about to happy and managed to get him into the bathroom but not quite in time to go on the loo. Instead of making a fuss I gave him loads of praise for going poo without a nappy then scooped in up put it in the toilet and we said goodbye as it headed off for pooland. The next day he still didn't really want to go on the toilet so I waited until he was really ready then popped him on the toilet and got out the bubble mixture (another internet tip). Blowing bubbles helps get things moving because they are using their stomach muscles. In the end he was so distracted by trying to pop the bubbles he forgot to hold the poo in. The look of surprise on his face when he realised what he had done was priceless. Again he got loads of praise. Once he realised that nothing bad was going to happen when he did poo on the toilet he was a lot better and now is completely sorted.
Sorry quite a long story but what I would suggest is that you get your DD pooing in nappies first as it is less stressful all round and something manageable if you are out and about so her pooing doesn't become an issue. When you feel comfortable that she is relaxed about the whole pooing issue then I would look to move her out of nappies. I would do that when you have a couple of free days (I think I did ds over a long weekend) so you can give her as much time as she needs to get around to using the loo.

err make that happen not happy

Ours has just turned 4 and poos on the toilet.. urr not yet ... however we have made progress that he would poo in the bathroom when he asks for a nappy, I wanted him to associate pooing with the bathroom (if we run out of nappies he'd poo his pants.. sigh) so the next stage was to have nappy on and sit ON the toilet whilst he poos.. this is what he is at.. give it another week and we'll try the no nappy again and see how many pants I can tolerate getting dirty.

I had heard of a step where one cuts a hole in the nappy whilst they sit on the toilet, but I'm hoping not to use this stage if poss.

Since I've been less worried about it, (reminding myself he wont be 16 and want a nappy!!) he seems to be calmer too.