2yr old hitting new baby

[MadeForThis]

Hi

We have DD age 2.5 and DD age 11 weeks. I'm really struggling with how to manage dd1 behaviour towards the baby.

She runs up to the pram or baby seat and pulls out her dummy. She will pull in the babies arm and hand. She also pushes her head. She has also hit out at her.

It seems to be a combination or being a bit rough and intentionally hurting.

She will look at me for a response. I'm trying to let her touch the baby and warning her to be gentle but it's not working.

I'm terrified of the baby being hurt but also really worried about making dd1 feel rejected and pushed away.

How did anyone else cope with this?

I'd maybe balance your time. If you have dp near by have a one to one with your dd1. Intentionally hurting isn't on especially on a young baby. I gather it's jealousy? I'm not sure as my dc haven't gotten to that age yet. She's not turned 1 yet so I'm not sure what they understand. Maybe once she hits her tell her off abruptly. Don't scream at her. But let her know she cannot get away with it in the low tone of voice.

My boys are 6 months and nearly 3. The toddler has been rough with the baby since day 1. Sometimes it’s intentional and sometimes he is just too intense with his affection. When they are physically touching each other, I keep a close eye and call out a running commentary to both of them (so the toddler doesn’t feel singled out) of what they’re doing nicely “That’s a lovely way to stroke his tummy” or “he really likes it when you lie next to him and hold his hand gently” and not nicely “don’t squeeze his hand”, “don’t put your fingers in his eyes” and “don’t pull his hair” (those last 2 are usually aimed at the baby)

When it’s intentional aggression from the toddler, the only thing that works for us is for me to calmly say “that’s not nice and because you have hit/bitten/kicked baby, he and need to go into the other room”. Then I pick baby up and walk away. Sometimes toddler follows to have another go and I say the same and walk off. Eventually he cries and comes to find us to say sorry.

It’s my biggest problem when I’m alone with both of them and I don’t always keep my cool, but I try.

I have a 19month old and a six week old so can totally relate!

I read that it's not enough to say be gentle you have to say it and show them so I say be gentle and demonstrate on my 19month old by stroking her hair.

When she has hit or been rough I first say no quite firmly and move her away. If she does t and I think it's deliberate I lift the 19 month old put her down further away and say no we don't hit holding both her arms.

I wouldn't worry overly as they are bound to be jealous and it will take some adjustment.

I bought the jo frost (supernanny) toddler book and she says it's our job to protect the newborn so don't feel bad telling the toddler off or removing her and letting her tantrum. I'm sure it's just a phase. Good luck

Ps totally agree with the previous poster about over praising when she is kind or gentle. The dummy thing is annoying and my 19 month old foes the same waking the baby!

It feels like a lifetime ago now my girls are 6 and 3.5 but DD1 went through a period like this when DD2 was a baby. We used a combination of distraction and explaining why it wasn’t good to hit, as well as modelling good behaviour obviously. We also made sure that DD1 still got time with her parents on her own. It soon passed and now they are the best of friends. I worried so much about having another baby when DD1 was still so little herself, but after a tricky start it has been the best thing ever. I hope this phase passes quickly for you all.

We had this.

Agree a lot with what PP have said about praising the good and punishing but not giving too much attention to the bad.

I also found associating positive treats with the baby to be helpful. So pretending baby had some money that toddler wanted in order to buy toy or pretended baby had their own snack that toddler wanted. We made a point of saying that the baby wound only want to share these things with the toddler if the toddler was nice to the baby.

It also helped to lavish the toddler with attention when possible so they didn't feel left out and also pretending to have consistent rules re behaviour so toddler didn't feel the baby was favouritised. Obviously this would be ludicrous in reality, but we would 'tell' the baby off in a sing songy voice with a smile when they did something that the toddler would ordinarily get in trouble for. That way toddler felt baby had been reprimanded and baby had a nice bit of interaction without having any idea of what we actually being said.

Thanks for all the responses. I was anticipating some jealousy but it's so frustrating to actually deal with it every day. Luckily the baby hast been hurt but getting the balance right between protecting the baby and including dd1 is hard.

The pulling and lashing out is definitely worse if I try to separate them. Once she is warned to be gentle she seems to try to get attention from being rough.

I like the idea of the baby sharing toys/food with dd1.

I have tried to be overly positive when she is gentle with the baby and I'm going to put more emphasis on telling the baby off for pushing/pulling dd1.

She really loves her baby sister and I hate feeling like I'm constantly telling dd1 to not touch/pull/push the baby.

This parenting business is hard sometimes!!