I have the right to find it hard, right?

[GettingStuffDoneInSlippers]

I posted about an hour ago on a FB group for mums. I wish I hadn't, I feel like complete crap.

I wanted advice on my baby not napping. He's 4 months and hasn't really ever napped apart from being a newborn.

The catch that made other people furious was that he sleeps 7.30pm to 8pm.

I said I find the 8pm starts exhausting - not in a physical tiredness. In a sense that by 2pm, I feel drained.

No amount of cuddles or bed will convince him to nap. So it does get difficult - I wasn't looking for a magic wand, just someone who could maybe sympathise

He is miserable. I love him to bits and often I find it hilarious how he already has a character, but I thought like all mums, at times things are tough. Things are challenging because I can't even think alone whilst he has a 10 minute power nap.

He came out of the womb looking cross

But most, apart from a few lovely ladies, accused me of being smug. They kept asking if I was having an early April fools by posting. I really wasn't. They said I was insensitive to those who's children wake early, and to get a grip - I'm a mum now.

So I guess my question is, can I find it hard too? Or is there a real problem if I'm having a little rant but I've got a good nighttime sleeper?

He's always been a tough baby. Brilliant sleeper from birth but tough. I've tried everything, colic treatments, silent reflux treatments, teething things, cows milk allergy so gave up dairy, etc etc etc. He even stays wide awake now in car seats and prams!

But then like clockwork, the clock strikes 7.30pm and he shuts his eyes.

He's just quite grumpy. He isn't in pain. I love him to bits and I accept him. I would die for him and he makes me unbelievably happy.

The relentlessness comes from not even a 10 minute power nap so I can have a clear thought process.

But it's tough. Today is tough.

It is hard! I have a 4 month old that refuses to nap and screams. He was previously a good sleeper at night but that has gone to pot too. Up at 5am this morning 😴
I just keep saying to myself it WILL pass.
Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm struggling too.

If you find it hard, you find it hard. No one has the right to tell you how you are allowed to feel. They are not you and don't know everything that goes on in your life.
It is good that he sleeps through the night, so at least you're getting a longer time stretch of rest there.
It's a big change having a baby and can take some adapting. I remember finding it hard when I had my first, but I have four now and I'm used to it.
The more experience you have, the easier it gets.

I take it you mean 8am? Half an hour a day would be enough to try the patience of a saint!
Ignore them. Everyone finds different aspects of parenting hard. This is yours. It will get better, honestly.

Ignore them. It's a hard job, but it will get easier. Try to relax about what others think and enjoy the good bits. I didn't but should have! X

Nothing worse than a bunch of mum's defensive and ready to make someone feel bad. I don't think you're being unreasonable and you've definitely got the right to find your situation hard. Yes, you are extremely lucky to have a baby that sleeps well. And yes, you are still entitled to feel like you are finding it hard work and feel exhausted. I think as mum's that naptime is so important for us to have some breathing space at least for a while.

I would prepare yourself though that it might be more difficult to find someone who understands and is ready to empathise with you. I have three children and all of them have been terrible at sleeping. All of them used to wake up at least five times a night, normally more and then be up for the day by six. At some point all three of them were doing this. If someone in your situation would have opened up to me in a playgroup I would have probably tried to be friendly and then gone home to cry about how unfair it felt.

It's easier to comment now though when I'm not in the middle of the worst sleep deprivation. I feel like I can be a bit more objective and say yes, you are definitely allowed to find it hard and yes, it does sound like it is hard. My eldest was similar to your baby and it really felt like days were long and it was hard work. I'm sorry to say it has never really gotten easier with her. Problems change and certain things get easier.

Once he gets a bit older you can start introducing quiet time instead of a nap. I would say the grumpiness is likely to be tiredness though. I know all babies are not the same but all babies have got certain basic needs and napping is one of them. Their brain can only work happily for a certain amount of hours, I think at 4 months they do tend to need at least two naps still. This doesn't mean it's easy for all babies and I get it that with some it can feel totally impossible. Have you spoken to your health visitor for any ideas? It sounds to me like even though your baby is an amazing sleeper at night he does have a problem with sleep.. purely in the daytime. Has he ever napped in the day? Have you tried baby carriers? I seem to remember that was the only place my third baby napped in for the first six months. Then at some point we did a lot of work in getting him to sleep in his cot too and now at 2.5 years he has a lovely two hour nap in the day. Good luck! The first year is such hard work!!

Of course you do, people find different things hard and being a parent for the first time is a shock and can be draining. If he's not napping during the day I'm guessing he's quite tearful and grumpy which can't be easy.
The only thing I would suggest is that you stop looking for sympathy for finding 8am starts tiring. 8am for a baby this young is good and complaining about them will probably get people's backs up if they have been awake since 5am with their little darlings
Regarding the napping I think dd was all over the place at this age but as she got older the naps resolved into a routine of sorts, so this could well improve with age.
Try not to be disheartened by the negative replies, they were probably knackered and irritable themselves.

Do you mean the only time he sleeps is from 7.30pm-8.00pm that is half an hour. Don't think this can be right.

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable for finding it hard. What you are going through is hard.
But you might be looking for sympathy from the wrong set of people. A lot of these mums will have had horrific sleep for months on end (baby waking every 35 minutes through the night kind of thing).

It’s a bit like asking for sympathy for badly sprained ankle from someone who has just broken their leg.

Sorry that sounds harsh, what you are going through is really tough but others may be having a harder time and that’s why they were lacking in empathy.

Hope he settles down soon.

It's different for everyone. I'd much rather get up and do a quiet feed in the night, than have an over Tired baby who won't nap. So you have my sympathies. My now 9 month old was a crap napper. But he has it sussed now since about 7 months and although he protests now and again, he goes down in his cot a couple of times a day . So best of luck.

Of course you're entitled to find it hard but did you really expect lots of people to say 'oh hun, that sounds tough?' when you've got a child sleeping over 12 hours a night and not getting up till 8am?

You must know most babies don't sleep like that?

Having had one that didn’t nap at all in the day and woke up every 1-2 hours at night for 6 months (with a 4.30am start) I’d probably cry when I saw your message .
It’s not Top Trumps though. You’re entitled to find it hard, of course you are. Having a baby is hard.

I would love for my baby to sleep all night and not nap in the day time I find day time naps a pain as I have to creep around and it normally takes me so long to get him to off. Everybody's different though

Mine is 5 weeks and doesn’t really nap in the day either - it is hard because you never get a moment to yourself so I know what you mean.

It always amazes me how rude people are on Facebook with their own identity! I guess charitably you could say they were being a holes because they are so sleep deprived?!

Just wanted to say my son was an awful napper that peaked awfulness between 4-6 months. He is 7 months and muchhhh better. He napped twice today. Once for an hour, once for 25 minutes.
Keep going, your babe should get better with the naps.
I understand the struggle.

I understand OP. I've had two DC. The first was a terrible sleeper at night (and still is ) but napped in the day. The second was the same as your DS and slept brilliantly at night but didn't nap. They both had their challenges and I wouldn't say one was easier than the other.

My dd used to nap well but wake frequently at night. Until 7 months she was the most chilled baby.

Personally I'd rather have the disrupted night and happy easy napper so absolutely you're entitled to find it hard.

He might sleep at night because he isn’t napping.

If he’s miserable, have you ruled out silent reflux or tongue tie? My dd was the most miserable child ever and had both (ds just had silent reflux ) and boy she was grumpy as anything. And bless her she would only smile for me!

Well, counting my lucky stars here - He's back to napping, fingers crossed! So only two days that he didn't nap. He's still miserable though

He went down at 7.30, I should probably be in bed too but I'm drinking a well earned WKD