When your children have different fathers...

[BirthdayKake]

What do you do if they are treated so, so differently?

My DS (10yo) has a dad who picks him up once a week, buys him McDonald's, chocolates and sweets, and then brings him home after an hour. The paternal family are quite involved with DS too - they have bought him an iPad, lots of toys and treats, have him for sleepovers, take him swimming or on holiday occasionally.

My DDs (6, 5 and 2yo) haven't seen their dad or paternal family for months now and as they were very abusive etc they might not see their dad for a while, and if they do it'll more than likely be in a contact centre for two hours a month.

How do you balance this?

Bump

sounds to me to like its a good thing they dnt see the abusive side of the family. You can't really stop the 10 yo family from treating him. Perhaps when he's with his dads family you can do something with the others even if its taking them to the park or some activitiy and having a sweet as a treat if you dnt have the money for expensive presents. Your time and love is more important than material things anyway and as they're young i doubt it will spark some sort of massive jealousy of your older son

My friend has this. Older kids' dad is very involved, loves having them for the weekend, goes to parents' evenings, and helps pay for birthday parties etc.

Younger son's dad doesn't. Parks him in front of Xbox till it's time for him to leave, constantly makes last minute excuses not to pick him up at all, forgets important dates...

It's really hard, as friends says she's tempted to overcompensate but that wouldn't show the kids that they're loved equally either.

Yeh that's the thing. I don't want to spoil the girls either! Ah it's so hard. I suppose DS's family do get bits for the girls too sometimes

Well even the “good” dad sounds pretty crap to me. Sounds like the only benefit the elder one gets is material from his father and that side of the family (plus the odd sleep over/holiday). Nothing actually meaningful. So I wouldnt stress too much.

Yeh, he is crap. And he's only been in DS' life for a year!