Potty training hell with almost 3 yr old

[WhoAteAllthePercyPigs]

Hi all. I hope someone can help as am feeling a bit desperate!

So we are on day one of potty training DD (2 years and 8 months). I've been putting it off as I had DS four months ago, plus before that I just didn't feel she was ready or had the necessary level of understanding. Anyway. I read a book (Oh Crap if anyone's interested) and planned the date in advance. I felt very ready...but day one has been an absolute disaster!! DD pissing all over the floor and refusing to get it or just not understanding. I have tried so hard to be patient (not easy with a baby to look after and being sleep deprived) but in the end both me and DH lost it at her...and then each other. He blames me for not talking him through it more. I'm angry because I've been talking about little else for ages, shared the book with him ages ago, urged him to at least read the one page cheat sheet for dad's...and he hasn't. I feel like it's all been on me and he hasn't any right to have a go at me.

Basically I'm wondering what to do now. I really don't want to back down as the book strongly advises not to...but I just don't think i can take another day of this! I don't know if she's resisting because she understands but just doesn't want to, or she doesn't actually understand? In which case that's a whole other set of problems as I would have thought at almost 3, she'd be getting it.

I feel like an absolute failure as a parent and just so ashamed for losing my cool. Terrified we've traumatised her about it.

Any tips or advice for where next would be hugely appreciated! TIA.

Well, me and DH have had a long chat and agreed to postpone it. I just can't face another day by myself. I haven't got the capacity for It, I'm already running on fumes thanks to the four month sleep regression

Tbh, if there'd been the slightest sign or cue from DD that something was going in or that she was getting it on some level, I'd have gone ahead tomorrow regardless. But there really wasn't. It was like she was going backwards with it and I refuse to traumatise her further. She's been through some recent upheaval with teething, being away and also a delayed reaction to her baby bro (realising he's actually here to stay and not just for Christmas!)

We will wait another month. My mum is coming to stay then and so that will be an extra pair of hands. Because if this experience has taught me anything, it's that I can't do this by myself and look after both DC during it.

Got mixed feelings. Relief that I don't have to go through it tomorrow but disappointment and guilt/shame that it didn't work. Trepidation at trying again. Worry that I've messed up DD.

Think I just need some sleep now to regroup. Thanks again to you all, your comments have all really helped.

We tried about the same age, with a baby about the same age. Did it because it was a clear week off for us - was a disaster! She would sit on the potty for an hour and do nothing, get off and wee straight away. It ruined our week off because we didn’t dare go anywhere. About a month later I started asking her every morning whether she wanted to wear nappy pants or knickers. One day she suddenly said knickers. I was dubious but after the first accident she got it, barely an accident since. Dry night and day by 3. Poos took a bit (lot!) longer to get completely sorted but all of a sudden it was. It seems like it will never resolve but it seems to be an overnight thing when it does. Good luck

We’re doing my own version of potty training there’s a potty around and he has the choice of pants or nappy. More often then not he’s choosing pants now when we’re at home and is starting to make it to the potty on time (and not just forcing dribbles Of wee out to get a sticker). Lots of praise for the pants and potty success. It will click eventually, there’s no need to make it more stressful then it needs to be.

I tried with DS at a 2.10 and two days in I accepted he just didn't seem to quite understand.
We went back to nappies and left it for the time being, but I still always had the potty about and the toilet seat in the bathroom. Over the months I'd ask on a regular basis if he wanted to use the potty or toilet, most of the time he wouldn't at first but occasionally he would, sometimes he'd wee but sometimes he'd just sit there and go through the motions.
When he was 3.2 I tried again, and he just got it immediately, with very few accidents wee wise.
It's still not been plain sailing though, we're over 2 months in now and he's just started doing a poo on the toilet for me and nursery this week, although he's been doing it for his dad EOW for the last 6 weeks

I think you have made a good choice.

Just to address your worry about having traumatised your dd.

My dd was massively resisting potty training so I wasn't pushing it, but then we needed a urine sample, it was important and urgent. She wouldn't wear the collection bag under her nappy, she just ripped it off. So I ended up sitting her on her potty beside the tv and made her stay there until she weed. It took nearly 2 hours. She cried, sobbed and begged at times, I felt hideous about it, but it was vitally important.

Eventually she weed, we got the sample, she got lots of praise cuddles and chocolate.

I was really concerned she was traumatised by it. And to be fair she still hasn't used the potty, but has trained on the toilet instead. So don't worry too much.

www.janetlansbury.com/2014/08/3-reasons-kids-dont-need-toilet-training-and-what-to-do-instead/