Angry at DH

[giddyasakipper]

I may be writing this more as catharsis but would love some views all the same!

DH has been fairly useless with 9mo DD since birth. My HV actually told him off and said I should be resting at her first visit as my feet were so swollen. He has never done a night shift and is unable to settle her to sleep. If he is looking after her I often catch him leaving her to cry whilst he checks his phone. He does play with her and she is always happy to see him but I am exhausted.

DD is currently not sleeping well and I have been up every hour for nearly 2 weeks now whilst he spends the night snoring loudly.

The straw that broke the camels back was on Mother's Day when he made me wait in the car after our shopping trip to a well known supermarket leaving me with screaming DD in her car seat while he ran back in to buy me some flowers.

I lost the plot today. He is hungover from another night out and being shit. Fathers Day was 7 days after I had given birth (very traumatic and bedbound) and I still managed to organise 3 thoughtful gifts and wrap them for him. I haven't had a night out since before I was pregnant. I tried to explain that every day is like being hungover when you're sleep deprived and that I have to take care of her no matter how I feel.

I don't really know what I'm asking but how can I make him see how upset I am? And how hard things are for me at the moment and how lazy he is being?

Yiu have my sympathy as my DH can be lazy and I don’t Tink you’re being unreasonable. One thing that helped me was not always being there. So arrange a night out, DD will survive. Book yourself a hair appointment on a Saturday morning and send them swimming. Tell him that if he isn’t doing night feeds, he has to get up with her in the morning and give her breakfast while you have a lie in or he can settle her at least one night a week. Letting her cry while he checks his phone is just shit parenting though.

Agree with above poster! My OH is good but not great lol. I think the buck always falls to the mother really doesn't it? Like you he'll ignore her cries because his on his phone, or gets a bit arsey with her whinging when his making 0 effort to entertain her. Pisses me off! So I sent him to the park with her one day, even though I got her dressed, packed her bag etc etc.. he still found it so stressful & was asleep by 9 that night LOL!! But since then I really think he has got to know her better & respected how exhausting looking after a baby alone really is. Remove yourself from the situation for an afternoon... go relax! & let your husband see your every day!

Thanks both! Glad to know I'm not alone at least!

I feel you girl! My OH was the same! Never used to help out around the house because he ‘worked hard’, was sooo lazy, got to the point where one day I went to stay at mums overnight without DD, he had to do everything then! It worked!

Have you tried seriously talking to him - not just nagging but delivering a genuine warning?

Tel him you r got a book and will record every instance of him neglecting his baby’s b for use when you divorce so you have evidence.

Men don’t change unless that have to and he is clearly inadequate and neglectful.

Try to stop putting up with it and just moaning in private or you’ll end up knackered and bitter with no life.