What would you do? Advice needed!

[pob]

Having read some of the awful stuff that a lot of you are going through at the moment, this seems a very selfish request, but I really don't know what to do. Through dh's airmiles, we have the opportunity of return flights to New York on concorde. The only dates left are beginning of august, meaning three nights away, four days altogether. Dh has never been to NY, and has always talked about going....and the possibility of concorde!!! It is way, way, way out of our price range....BUT we have never left dd1 before together overnight(me only when in hospital for dd2, dh frequently, collecting those airmiles with work) - she'll be 2.2years, and is in the process of adjusting to presence of dd2...AND dd2 will only be 3.5 months, is currently exclusively breastfed, but refusing bottles of expressed milk and I really don't want to give up...have been freezing stuff, but could she last four days on defrosted expressed milk even if we can get her to take a bottle now (no-one told me of the eight-week rule). Mil is happy to come and stay with them (she covered whilst I had dd2, so although not seen very regularly, is known and liked by dd1) supplemented by sil, who will pop in as much as poss. Is it totally selfish and unrealistic to try? Dh is wonderful, totally supportive of everything I do, yet says he won't go without me. He works long hours, and our time alone is very limited - 3 evenings out since Xmas, including wedding anniversary last week....sorry to waste space with this, but if anyone does have a spare mo, I'll be very grateful. Thankyou.

Go. And at least dd2 will be taking a bottle by the time you get back

Or you could (sharp intake of breath) take dd2 but not dd1. A friend of mine did this recently and loved it as it helped them bond with the second baby. Personally, I don't think I could do that (dd would never stand for it), but its a suggestion.

go! go! i wonder if you could leave dd1 with her grandmother and take dd2? having lived in NY i would not say it is the best holiday environment for a toddler... by taking dd2 you would avoid the b/f issue and she could go round the sights with you in a sling/buggy. otoh, it would be a real shame to miss out on the nightlife if you go to NY - so you would need a baby sitting service if you wanted to take advantage of this.

the other thing would be to try and get dd2 used to bottles before you go and go without both of them - try searching the threads or ask the experts and see if this subject has been covered. sorry, don't have any advice to offer on this one.

hope you find a way to work it so you can go - it sounds marvellous!

for info on NY try www.timeout.com and www.citysearch.com. you can also find restaurants at www.zagat.com.

hth.

Do go! Go for all the rest of us who haven't got such a wonderful opportunity, and make us all green with envy when you tell us all about it on your return!

I agree, GO! Your marriage and happiness is as important as your children. Have a great time.

I agree. It's not for long after all, and you can always take dd2 with you if she's still not accepting bottles. How much notice do you have to give the airline about bringing young babies? can you make a late decision, depending on the bottle situation?

Thank you so much for your messages - I thought I'd be shot down in flames!! Every one of you has said something really helpful. mil is calling already to see how dd2 is coping with the bottles - I think dh answered on the optimistic side. Taking her along would certainly ease a lot (all?!) of the worry, but like Enid I don't think dd1 would like it - she's already been upset by the arrival, if we all up and leave, I'm scared it will make her feel worse....but I like the idea of taking her at the last minute if there's no other option!!! I do agree with www's statement, but it's so hard not to feel guilty/selfish!

pob two weeks ago I flew Toronto for the weekend, leaving dd(19m), ds(3) and dh (39).
I took baby son (3 and a half months and fully breastfed)and he was NO bother at all. I loved having him with me and the cabin crew were wonderful. He fed for a lot of the journey and the time flew by so quickly, it was one of the best trips I have been on.
Do you have a passport for the baby?
Ever though dd may fuss about you all going without her, she will get granny all to herself!

We won a trip to Florida when dd was 8 months old.I thought about leaving her and expressing but I did not want to run the risk of her refusing me on my return for B/F. In the end we left our other boys at home aged 7rs, 5yrs and 4 yrs with their gran. Americans love babies and the restaurants - even at night - are baby friendly. Your 2 year old will soon forget - my sons haven't but it was still worth it
We are taking them all to Florda in October so that will make up for it.

pob, just to say i agree with everyone go, go go!!! Your dd's won't even remember that you were gone 2 weeks after you're back. However, before you think too hard about taking dd2 with you doublecheck how much it will cost. Normally internationally infants (under 2) pay 10% of the retail cost of the fare that the adult is flying on. So even if you are flying on miles, your dd would still have to pay 10% of a normal concorde ticket (£6000 i think). I've thought about using miles to fly business class with my ds, but found that his infant fare was just too expensive to make it worthwhile.

It sounds too nice to forget about. Dd1 can enjoy some one to one again, if MIL is happy to be indulging with support from routine. As feeding would be such a central issue to dd2, it would be much easier to take her with you without detracting from your great adventure. I'd pack baby rice in case this is the time to start weaning. Otherwise I would plan late mornings and long lunches and wash my baby björn. Take the French-est chicest buggy that you can beg steal or borrow and prepare to pose, when awake.

Can you get the hotel to organise a babysitter? A hotel upgrade to a suite would be bliss. Then you could doze and someone else hold your baby in the next room. I would treat it as a trip away from home and if you manage to visit one sight and one store, you are doing more than you would on a rainy wednesday. If you never venture outside your lovely hotel it will still seem great.

Bearing in mind Sofia's ticket price advice, I'd still weigh the price of the infant ticket against finding a flight for all of you for that total. If you can afford it, of course, but their seems to be so much goodwill around for something special like this it would be a shame to lose the momentum.

Have to say that I'd go with Dh alone if i were in your shoes...It's unlikely that DD2 will starve and you may find that she'll take bottles off someone other than you more readily.. You could express while you're out there (take a photo!)...

Definitely go.

My first reaction was go alone, and it would be great.

On the other hand, taking dd2 would give you a valuable opportunity for some serious bonding.I recently had a weekend alone with ds2 (who was closer to a year) and I was amazed by the special intimacy I had - I'd never been alone with him, and haven't been since, and although I was crazy madly in love with him anyway, it did make a real difference.

Ds1 was really off with me for a few days, but I'm 100% sure he would have reacted the same whether ds2 had been with me or not, I don't think his brother being with me and him not was an issue, purely the fact that I wasn't there, even though he had a nice few days.

But then he was fine in a few days, so although it was tough, it was short-lived and worth it!

Whatever combination you decide, you MUST go!

Oh, for a dilema like yours!

Pob, you must go and have a wonderful time. I'd love to see New York - and Concorde too! I am sure dd will take a bottle in your absence, you have a supportive mil standing by, sounds like it was meant to be. And don't let the 8 week rule deter you - it works differently for every single baby.

Pob - toss a coin for it. Heads you go, tails you don't. If it's tails and you feel bad, then you do really want to go (and vice-versa).

I had a similar problem last year. Dh booked a surpised 4 nights in Amsterdam when ds was 4 months old. Didn't want to go (ds b'fed, too little etc) but went along with it for dh. In the end I got v. bad mastitis trying to get ds onto a bottle so couldn't go anyway.

We rearranged it for when ds was 8 months and used
to being left when I went back to work & we had the most fabulous, romantic time.

So, definately worth going, but when you're ready (if you can rearrange? )

Pob
Go! You'd be crazy not to, it's such a great opportunity. Check out the pricing issue for a ticket for DD2 so that you have that as an option if you're not sure, but if I were you I'd go just with DH. We just left our DS for the first time in 13 months (living abroad, so not as easy as it would be if near family), and it was heaven. Of course we missed him, but can't wait to do it again! Have a great time, and don't worry about DD1, she'll forgive you.

Go alone with DH - enjoy!

New York is so totally fantastic. You must go if you can. I went on my honeymoon and had the best time (yes, we did leave the hotel room!)

Enjoy it, and let us know how you got on. I understand your reservations, but I only wish that I had had your opportunity, and the MIL to babysit!

You should definitely go.

If you are happy to, leave both kids behind so that you can have time for you and dh as a couple.

I left ds for 9 days when he was 6 months - still bf although by then he was also on solids. Fortunately he was used to bottles of EBM - and I have some interesting photos of me on a ski slope expressing! (I then filled the chalet's freezer with packs of EBM!). He didn't refuse the breast when I got back.

If you're still worried about leaving dd2 because she's not taking bottles (although I'm sure once she was thirsty enough she would), and her 10% ticket doesn't cost too much, you could always use reverse psychology on dd1. You could tell dd1 that you don't want dd2 to spoil dd1's "special" time with her granny, so that's why you are taking her with you. That way SHE is the one getting the treat. She'll be too young to understand just how special New York and Concorde are!

Thanks again for all the messages. Unfortunately we can't change the dates of the flights - they were the only ones left - but I've asked dh to check the price for dd2 to come, just in case. Loved the 'reverse psychology' idea, and think it might work. It remains a double-edged sword, but at present it looks like we will try to go alone - as long as I don't end up with mastitis like dreamer with all this pumping I'm doing....We're trying at least one bottle of ebm a day, and I'm using nipple shields (mmmm, lovely) to get dd2 used to plastic and horrible chlorine smells. Funnily enough, she will take a bottle from me, but so far nobody else....but we have three weeks left to keep practising, and it's nice to know Marina was right! We've booked to visit my parents the week before and we'll be with dh's family (huge) for the week after, so hopefully dd1's feelings of being abandonned will pass more easily and I'll have a bit more space to reestablish breastfeeding with dd2. JanZ, how did you get the frozen ebm back from skiing?! And have you ever seen a chic buggy?!!!

Be careful with the nipple shields because they can reduce milk procuction by as much as 40%. The expressing you are doing might counter balance that though. You should be OK just to B/F normally if dd is already taking a bottle.