Worried. Please help.

[tishtashlash]

I have 2 boys aged 5 and 12. They're close but recently it has come to light that they've been getting their private areas out and pushing them together (undressed). Obviously led by the 12 year old. 5 year old sees it as a game and when asked 12 year old says he saw something on tv and wanted to see how it felt. Have explained we don't do that sort of thing especially with younger children. Seems very sorry and like he understands. Should I be worried or do anything else?

Thanks

I haven't any experience of this yet (dc's are 3 and 1), but it sounds like pretty normal behaviour. Maybe it is time to 'that' talk with your 12 year old. . Don't worry. I am sure someone with similar experience will have some be along soon.

And should read 'should be along soon'

Right thanks. I'm just really worried. Any other thoughts on this? Please.

I think this sounds like normal experimentation and many adolescents are unaware of the boundaries, as it were - if your elder DS seems 'repentant' I would guess he feels very ashamed and embarrassed, and didn't know he was doing anything slightly beyond the bounds of 'Ok'...really, I'm sure it was pretty innocent, I think you would need to be concerned if your 5yo DS was being coerced into keeping quiet about it, or it continued happening after you've spoken to them, something like that...
It doesn't strike me as abuse in the usual sense. Just two boys neither of whom really is old enough to understand what's done and what isn't.

BTW sounds like you handled it very well, by not making a huge fuss and sending him further away from innocence, into disgrace.
Well done!

hmm... A tricky one, younger children aged 8 or 9 often do this they don't realise that they are doing wrong and are just experimenting with their bodies and copying something that they may have seen on the TV or heard in the playground. I must admit I would be concerned that a 12 year old is doing it, particulary as a 12 year old is likely to be going through puberty with all the changes in hormones that that entails. I would have a very long discussion with him about it find out EXACTLY why he did it, why did he want to? Has he touched his younger brother in other inappropriate ways?

Is your ds immature in other ways? Keep a close eye on both of them. Good luck.

Kids do tend to want to try things they've seen on TV or whatever, and often the only person they are able to get that close to is a sibling. I clearly remember playing Drs and Nurses with a neighbour's child, I was about 8 I think, but still felt terribly guilty! It probably goes on a lot more than we imagine...

Yes, I can remember doing something similar when I was in the first year of junior school. It is more his age that concerns me rather what he was doing iyswim.

nogoes - not entirely sure if a long drawn out talk about it would really help or just make DS feel worse?...the difference in age would be a worry if elder child was pressuring the younger one but i doubt that's the case here.
I don't know your children TTL, but from what you say it sounds like your elder DS is a bit 'younger' in terms of 'knowing stuff' than some boys of the same age might be.
I hadn't a clue at 12, I was a pretty late developer and your DS is probably just at the very early stages of puberty and awareness.
Of course keep an eye, you always do I'm sure! But try not to make a big deal out of it, I think you already handled it well.

I think it's normal sexual experimentation - but he does need to know that there are boundaries, and that young children aren't for experimenting on. Not sure how you'd go about that - maybe buy him some tissues and vasaline and tell him to experiment on his own

X posts, sorry! Yes, I see what you mean. But difference can be huge between kids of the same age and it sounds like this one isn't highly aware.

No, perhaps you are right FlightAttendant. Boys often mature later than girls don't they? When I was 12 I had started my periods and was very mature, went to discos etc but I suppose a lot of boys are still at the playing with action heros stage and in which case are probably more like 8 year old girls.

That never changes!

I think it depends on how mature your 12 yr old is. If he is relatively immature I would put it down to normal experimentation and keep an eye out. If you think he is more mature and perhaps going through puberty I would take it more seriously and try to have a more detailed chat with him.

Hi, thanks for your replies. I would say my 12 year old is really very immature. He still loves to watch cartoons and generally live in the fantasy world (super heroes, mythical creatures etc) occupied by many young boys. But he is well on his way through puberty, and physically could easily be mistaken for a 15 year old. He's even started shaving. So his physical maturity combined with his emotional immaturity might be causing some confusion. He just said he wanted to know how it felt. I think I will keep an eye on it and have a full and frank chat, pointing out all the potentiial consequences. Thanks!

lordy lordy I have all this to come