Over reacting???

[Benny4]

Witnessed another parent speak to my child in the classroom, in what appeared like a scolding manner. The teacher missed it, and it was very fleeting, but this other mum was pointing at her own child while hovering over mine, and I definitely saw my 5yr old child's face drop. Will be addressing the classroom teacher tomorrow morning, but just wondered whether anyone thinks we as parents are overreacting? On collecting my daughter this afternoon she confirmed that this other mother had been telling her off about a hair bobble and this had made her feel sad.

Well it would depend on what she was telling her off for, was she hovering in the sense that she's just taller or physically crowding her? Volume? Tone?

Why didn't you ask the mom at the time what was going on?

.....because I had my two year old twin girls with me, and was ushering them out of the classroom. I just caught this lady out of the corner of my eye, and despite the fact that the bell had gone went over to my daughter to check that she was alright. I rushed out after but unfortunately my girls were more than a little mischievous in their exit, and this mum was nowhere to be seen.
My girl was sat on a mat, the tone was hushed as I was fairly nearby with a sideboard in between and I could hear nothing but it was obvious that she was belng chastised.

So what did she do?

Because if she'd done something dangerous then I would be glad she'd told her off. If it was minor, not so much.

You are massively over re-acting.

How is your daughter going to learn any resilience when you treat a fleeting stern word, which for all you know was entirely justified, as if it is a traumatic and cruel injustice?

You could even make things worse for your D if you raise it and the parent tells the teacher why she was telling your D off.

Thing is if she was doing something innocent then there's no need for someone else to reprimand her. If they were being mean I'd be angry. But in ask likelihood she'd done something naughty

Well it is beyond petty but the mother was reprimanding my daughter for supposedly pulling her daughter's hair bobble out. I say supposedly because my daughter denies it emphatically, and to be honest I have no way of knowing one way or the other, and the same goes for this other parent too.

Nice spin on the dramatic and cruel injustice, but when I'm stood less than a stone's throw away, talk to me, instead of a 5 year old that should not be burdened with an adults take on things. Pretty cowardly really.

I absolutely would speak firmly to another child who put their hands on my dd and ripped something out of her hair. I imagine if someone hurt your child you would intervene as well. So it sounds appropriate given what you’ve described. Unless it’s an ongoing issue, I wouldn’t raise it with the teacher. But maybe use it as a teachable moment with your dd to talk about how she should treat friends (assuming she did in fact do it, you’ll never know as you we’ there) but also how to deal with if someone accuses you of something you really didn’t do (speaking up, talking to a teacher for help, etc). But if she’s school age, unless you know what happened, I think it’s overeating to do more than that.

Jeez tough audience.......dramatic language much....hurt, ripped, that's why these situations blow up in the first place. I firmly believe my DD did no such thing, she actually wanted to talk to her friend and say to stop with the lies, but I told her to leave it.
Yes I would absolutely intervene, through the appropriate channels e.g. teacher!

So did the mom tell you this or your child?
I'd want to know of the parent saw or the child told.
If she saw her do it, she was, imo, right to tell her off. She didn't yell or shout, your child didn't cry, and its more likely that when you asked yesterday she'd say she accused me of something I didn't do if she actually didnt.

Agree with above, its a lesson in how to treat your friends and what to do if someone accuses you of something you didn't do

I would reprimand another child and would expect another parent to reprimand my child if they had done something which merited it.

'Burdened with an adult's take on things' . How is "Don't pull my daughter's bobble out!" an adult take on things? You are being very precious. I wouldn't bother mentioning it to the teacher - what on earth do you think they will do about it?

Sounds like the school need to stop parents coming into the classroom! We drop our kids at the door. But yes I think you are overreacting.

She didn't see her doing it, because I was there and my DD was holding hands with her two friends either side. She has gone on what her own DD has said, which is no less/more valid than what my own DD has said. I just don't get why you wouldn't approach another adult, be it me or the teacher. A 5 year old is not equipped to deal with an adult that in my opinion is being played. Another mother actually approached my DD some time back asking her to look after her DD as the girl mentioned above was targeting her not so confident DD. I was equally as annoyed, because I thought it was unfair to put her in that position and should she choose to help then that should be her decision and not put on her by another parent.

So on pure hearsay you would be alright with an adult reprimanding your child?

If you were there enough to see all this, see your daughter holding hands with her friends, def not touching the other child but not hear anything that was said, you should have called across and asked what the problem was.

Or this woman is a bully and you need to teach your daughter to speak up, to the adult (I didn't do it!), to you who was close enough to see it all (mommy, the lady said!) or to the teacher after.

So on pure hearsay you would be alright with an adult reprimanding your child?

What do you mean, on pure hearsay? And anyway, yes I would. What damage do you actually think a mild reprimand is going to do to your child? Teachers have to reprimand children constantly. And occasionally, they may even get it wrong and reprimand the wrong child, or reprimand a child who was wrongly accused by another child of doing something. It is really not the end if the world! You are doing your child a disservice by leaping indignantly to their defence over such a minor thing.

I couldn't call across because all the children were sat on the mat ready to start their lesson. It would have been disruptive and rude of me to do so. This is why I was keen to speak to her as soon as I got out. I think my DD was a bit stunned, as was I.

How long ago was this OP?I take it the other mum hasn't spoken to you or the teacher,which she should have done as you were there imo.
If no witnesses the teacher can't do much,your only option would be to speak to the other woman but that may get you nowhere .she may accept she should have spoken to you,not immediately assumed her dd was telling the truth and told your rd off or she might defend her to the hills and it escalates.
Or let sleeping dogs lie.
Good luck

I had this with DS1. His best friend's granny was supervising wet playtime, I arrived to see her screaming at DS1 for untying his friend's shoelaces. I'm pretty sure he didn't, because he couldn't untie his own shoelaces then. DS1 was in floods of tears. That was the last wet playtime to be supervised by parents. I should let it go, DS1 was 5, he's 27 now.

@PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks that made me snort laugh, thank you

I don't think a mild reprimand is going to do any damage to my child, but it's cheeky beyond belief, and the said parent needs to know that she cannot conduct herself in that fashion. A less resilient kid may have really struggled in such a situation. At the end of the day it's the principle, she should have checked in with the teacher if she was that bothered.
I am absolutely not doing my child a disservice, as she is totally unaware of our handling of this situation.
Thanks to the last couple of posters who delivered a more balanced viewpoint.
My DH took it upon himself to speak to the teacher this morning and she absolutely agreed it was poor decision making on the other parents part, and immediately wanted to know which parent it was.

Yeah, I really should let it go, shouldn't I?

I wouldn't tell another persons child off, ever. If a child pulled my daughter hair bobble out I would say 'oh no please don't do that, that's not nice' & that would be enough from a relative stranger I think! Kids get over excited... they do things (if she even did it) poor girl... I can imagine her little face being told off by someone she doesn't even know. B*h! Lol! I would let it go though, once... if it happened again I would 100% speak to her. & even after the once I'd always secretly think she was horrible!! Can't help it... #mumlife. Oh & Ignore some of these responses ^^ Jeeze.

Snap, I absolutely would not either. As you say thinking she is horrible will likely stay with me for good now.

Yeah I already don't like her