Almost 6 yr old DS needing to build resilience

[Nightowlagain]

Hi there, I'm having a little trouble at the moment, and it's new so I'm not sure how to deal with it!

My DS has been doing a martial art class for a couple of years. It is mostly a few games and a bit of practice, as obviously the kids are still small. He used to be fine with losing the group games, but lately has started to cry if he loses, as he's big enough to get close to winning but not quite there! Also tonight he started to cry when he was practicing a move with another child. He said its that he was frustrated that he wasn't getting it right. He refused to go back and join in for the rest of the class.

I think some of it is that he's not strong enough to succeed at this particular move, so we maybe need to get him out and about climbing and being more active. But the more worrying part is that he can't handle losing, and the crying. It's frustrating because he's about to turn 6, and although it makes m feel horrible, I do feel a bit irritated by it and feel that he should be able to control his emotions a bit better at this age. Maybe that's unfair of me, I don't know. Don't judge me, I love him and want to help him deal with this stuff better.

If any of you can offer some suggestions as to how to help him get over this I'd really appreciate it, thank you!

He’s only got the tools you’ve given him - there’s nowhere else for him to have learnt resilience and it’s not innate, so not much point in blaming him.

For me, resilience is about enjoying the journey and seeing the value in learning and trying, understanding that anything worth having takes time and practice, and that’s what makes it rewarding when you get there. So talking to him about that and changing his perspective on it, explaining that life is all about the trying and practicing and all that never stops if you continue to grow and develop: so to see trying as the fun part and the achievement rather than the outcome as the only important bit.

Some children don’t care if they lose. Some have very competitive natures. The poster above is being unfair to blame you. He is 5 and has plenty of time to learn resilience.

Have a search for growth mindset; my DS was a bad loser but he has got more confidence since they started teaching this method at school.

Wow Kimmy that was uncalled for. Obviously I'm not blaming him, I'm just wondering if it is usual for kids of his age to react like this. We have tried to explain that it's the taking part etc, and he's never had an issue before or been even a little bit competitive so I'm confused about where this is coming from and asking for advice on how to approach it.

I think because he's never been bothered and now he suddenly is, I'm wondering if it's a developmental thing? He has a friend who is extremely competitive and he wasn't ever fussed at all, didn't really engage with it at all in fact. That's why it's so confusing!

Thank you to PPs, I will look into the growth mindset. I'd like to find a way to help him overcome this. I know he is only little but I worry how he will be at school and want him to be able to cope with team sports etc.