11 week old twins driving me to tears

[twincessesmummy]

Hi everyone.
Just want a bit of a rant and hoping for positive stories!
My 11 week old twins won't be put down, they've been like this for weeks now, I'm really starting to struggle with them! They just scream!
I cried a lot of the time last week.
Please tell me it's just a phase and your children grew out of it? It wouldn't be as bad if only one were like this but it's both of them!
Thank you

When they were 3.5/4 months things got easier. I had jumperoos which I put them in with blankets as padding which they loved and I also got mamas and papas seats for them and again padded them with blankets so they could be sitting up. I think they just liked being able to see what was going on. It felt never ending at the time, but now seems a lifetime ago.

OP don't let having twins put you off going to baby massage or other groups. As with everything with twins you will find your own unique way to manage and there will often be others there willing to help.

5 minutes alone may be enough for your babies at 11 weeks. They get tired pretty quickly if the have to entertain themselves. I had a cot in th living room to put mine in so they could see me and spoke to them all the time.
Also - different to ds1 - I had the DTS in a sleep-feed-play routine rather than feed-sleep-play they were much more settled than ds1 and I put it down to that.

Twins are a huge challenge. I hope you get some support soon

Bless you. There's twins in my family so when I was pregnant everyone kept saying it might be twins! We laughed it off & said at least it's only one pregnancy! It wasn't twins... my daughter is now 8 months & now we say 'IMAGINE IF IT WAS TWINS?! I really feel for you. Getting to a baby group for 10am with just one is near on impossible sometimes (& shes 8 months!!) let alone two young babies... all I can say is I think you're probably through the worst. Soon (although probably not soon enough for you!) they'll be able to do more physically & entertain themselves. Just do what you have to do in the mean time to get by & make your life as easy as possible in all other aspects!! These will be the toughest months probably of your life, but you should feel so proud no matter how bad you struggle I have nothing but respect for mums of multiples! Tough tough work! Good luck!

Do they have a dummy? I have 10 year old twins and they didn't cry a huge amount and I thought it was because they had each other to lay with (co bedded them with each other until 10 months, shared a single Oran until 4 months). You can lay them on their tummy if they are awake, just not for sleep time, some babies love to be on their fronts and it's good for muscle development. If I walked mine in the prank or later the night they would fall asleep so I had a lot of walks and great legs when they were small.

So many typos! Walked in the single Pram not Oran! Pram or later the buggy not late at night!

Sorry you are having such a tough time. One of my twins was like this and that was bad enough! He did have reflux and when we eventually got him on medication got a lot better (I know reflux is over-diagnosed but think he really did have it). He got a lot better around 6 months when he started on solids. Echo what people have said about getting out. Major hassle to get out of house but feels so much better. Can DH help you get everything ready before he leaves for work? I use to walk a lot with mine and could often be found lying on a bench at the beach trying to get a quick nap after they'd dropped off in pram. As said above mums and tot's type groups are great - of course the babies are too young but there is always a helper who will want a cuddle. We used to have a fantastic thing at a local church (I'm not religious but you didn't have to be) where they looked after your kids in a crèche and fed you breakfast. It was called MOPS (mother's of pre-schoolers). Maybe there is one near you? Our homestart volunteer was also great - pleased you might be able to get one. Re classes my massage class teacher used to work on one of my babies as the demo - might be worth trying for a different class? Some things like baby swimming I just couldn't do with two. Be kind to yourself. This will pass - eventually....

Thanks again everyone.
They've been a bit better today. Thank god!
I have had my friend here though to hold one and me the other.
My OH is going to book some days off here and there to help me with them as I've said I'm struggling.
I think once I have this homestart helper I will use her to help me get to some baby groups and I should get used to it then be able to get me and the girls there myself ... hopefully!
It's just nice to know this will pass and they won't always want me to hold them - it's getting so hard now they are getting bigger -along with their nails that they like to dig into my neck 😂

Hello! It will get better, all babies are like this at this age. Just wear a sling, feed them often, cry and know it will improve!! Hang in there

You are incredible. I had a similar post yesterday about my Singleton and to think you are doing two- you are a strong woman!

This too shall pass. I’ve heard twin groups are essential for twin parents.

Sounds so simple when you put it like that oly! 😂
Elfaba I read your post and I could totally relate, it's such a tough time isn't it 😞

Oh forgot to say too I used to put mine on there tummy when I was around as they loved it and settled like that but they won't even do that anymore

Mine were like that. I used to take them out for a 2 or 3 hour drive every afternoon to get them to nap at the same time. I could park up with the engine running and they would stay asleep. So Er no, mine didn't grow out of it till they could walk etc!! But you will get through it. Mine are 6 now and very independent.

Hi op. Wow I could have written your post too! Having twins is very overwhelming but honestly you will soon get into a routine and wonder what you ever did without them looking back to when my twins were 11 weeks old everything seemed a blur! If I wasn't feeding them or changing their nappies I would be rocking them to sleep or changing their clothes, bathing them etc etc. All my days and nights rolled into one big cycle that never seemed to end. I constantly had at least one baby on me 24/7 and that is no exaggeration.

Good news is my lovely twins are 2 now and are the best company! They are so enjoyable to be around and are the best of friends. All those hard days at the beginning will pay off in a few months. It might seem along way away but the day will come when you can vaguely look back and be relieved you made it. I honestly thought I was living a nightmare that would never end but it really will and you will be able to enjoy your beautiful babies

Oh Lordy, I never had twins but I had 2 under 2, and it's bloody hard work. Can only imagine how you might feel OP.

Practicalities....

Sling

Bjorn bouncer - most kids I know have hated the vibratey ones but love a Bjorn. Many just nod off in them.... check age /weight, but rocker naps are generally ok if baby can hold head up.

Stoke newborn seat - get babies at eye level, kept them amused for hours while I made food, did some laundry, drank coffee etc.

AWARE these are higher end brands but honestly the stokke seat was a life saver and the seat will last for years.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in traipsing Asda for a break. I live near a John Lewis and as far as I'm concerned this is what it was designed for. The cafe on a weekday is essentially a playgroup. Repeat for sainsburys.

My first was a grumpy little shit with bad reflux and generally a needy little thing - everyone said it'd pass at 12 weeks but it didn't- took a good 6-9 months for him to find his happy groove. But since then he's largely been a joy. A highly strung bundle of energy, but a joy all the same.

DD was full of worse reflux and dairy allergy, but a more placid baby. Is now a harder toddler.

Kids are ALL different. Every stage will pass. Those stages will feel endless, but even after months, a year, you'll look back and say how they flew. It becomes a blur, mostly a happy one (a lot like labor and birth).

The only way to stay sane is to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to rest, recuperate wherever you can snatch a moment, drink caffeine, eat cake, drink wine. Literally forget everything that isn't life threatening and lower your standards dramatically. It's the only way I found to survive. I love my kids fiercely but it's exhausting and endless. Wouldn't change a thing though!

You are superwoman you have survived 11 weeks you can keep going! Babies are hard when there's just one of them but two!!! The best advice had already been given, do not stay in the house with them, plan something every day, a walk in the pram, trip out in the car (I love driving with my 10 month old because I'm resting-ish and have a bit of peace, and if she sleeps I can park up and read for a bit or listen to the radio!) I struggled with my first but when second came along I decided to get on with life, go visiting, get out the house to anything really, it just breaks the day up, now with my third I am busy with the other two anyway but I never never sit in the house it's so hard and she just looks at me all day and moans because I think she's bored.
It will get easier, you really are doing so good!

You've had a lot of good practical advice here but I will add this: I didn't feel like I could enjoy my DTs either when they were babies. And this was a real problem - I absolutely resented all the mummies with one baby who could go to baby massage and cafes etc etc when I couldn't. And I didn't want to cuddle my babies because I'd spend all day either feeding them or walking around with them crying. It took me a long time to let go of that resentment - it was just too difficult for me. But I did my best and so are you doing and if you can enjoy even a moment at a time every once in a while that's fine, you are doing OK. Many friends I knew, just like a previous poster, did do swimming with two and massage and stuff that was difficult. So you may be able to do that too. But if like me you don't think you can, don't give yourself a hard time, you can only do what you can do.

My practical offerings: Please do join Tamba - even the Clarkes discount alone makes it worthwhile, and as a Tamba volunteer I can tell you there are lots of resources that will help at various stages. Joining a twins club helped me massively - to be somewhere where everyone else got what I was going through was priceless. But other groups I belonged to as a new Mum, especially my NCT post natal group (your local branch may be able to put you in touch with mums of similarly aged babies) provided a lot of more local support and some longer term friends. There were always plenty of people holding their one baby on their lap who didn't notice that I needed help, but also lots of people who did notice and held a baby or got me a cup of tea so don't rule anything out until you've tried it.

Finally the ladies on the Multiples board on Mumsnet really kept me going through some dark times.

Good luck. To answer your question it does get easier, so hang in there!

Both my boys (not twins though) liked the swing. I used to put piano lullaby songs on youtube and put them by the tv.

Sympathies op it will get better. My twins are 10 now and we're all still alive! Vibrating bouncy chair and a swing were my saviours. Mine liked to be swaddled and co slept in a travel cot in the day (slept separately at night) also white noise in the form of a fan helped. This will pass.

Appreciate all these replies so much!
Yep it totally feels like I'm trapped and when they are been good I can't enjoy it as I'm off trying to get things done that I can't get done when I'm holding them the other 23 hours 😂! I know when I look back all this will be a blur and I'll probably minimise Just how bad I feel at the moment. It's crazy isn't it, when your pregnant you can't wait for them to be here and now they're here I think what was I thinking!! As awful as that sounds! But nothing could prepare me for this. I'm glad I have a supportive partner although he's probably sick of me been such a horrible grumpy nightmare!
I think I'll look into a swing, won't make the same mistake of buying 2 like I did the vibrating chairs though' I'll see if they like them first. Even just getting things off my
Chest on here makes me feel so much better so sorry if I'm babbling!! X

My twins are 21 months now but I remember the tiny baby phase with a shiver! What really helped in our case was getting into a pretty strict routine around sleeping and feeding so that they got into sync with each other. I did long pram walks most days to get out in the fresh air and hopefully get them to sleep. I started taking them to groups at about 3 months, I would take a feeding cushion to lay one on and have the other in my lap, then swap them over halfway through. Don't be put off going to groups, there's often people there who are only too happy to help with twins :) it will get easier I promise.