calling all mums of large families............

[rosylizzie]

your tips needed! i am in a blind panic, expecting my fifth in 9 weeks and am so worried that I am going to stretch myself too far this time.we have ds 10 ds8 dd5 dd16 months. Dh works full time as a hospital consultant and is really hands on, i work part time, the baby goes to nursery two days and i do nights otherwise so I can pick the other three up and drop off. we have a cleaner once a week but no family nearby and increasingly fewer friends to ask favours of as the more you have the harder it is to ask favours i think!
DH thinks we should get more help but i am reluctant partly because of financial constraints. the weekends can be tough when the baby is whingy though.
what tips can you give me? what works for you? how do I keep the show on the road?

Not much help really as I would be be in a dead panic at the sighting of a bfp let alone at 31 weeks pg. My 4 are similar ages (10,8,5,13 months) I don't work but DH does work LONG hours and is often away (like right now...)

What kind of help does your DH have in mind? We had a friend stay with us for a few weeks following the arrival of our third and it made the world of difference. Perhaps even a Doula for a few hours a day in the first weeks since you mention the scarcity of friends at the moment? (We also have no family or close friends nearby as we are living overseas)

I have 5. Last one was twins.

Our solution was both to work full time and have a nanny which helped and then with the twins we also paid someone just to look after them on Sat and Sunday mornings as both of us often worked at weekends and the other one was ferrying older children around. Eventually after a lot of years of having not much money we got someone 5 mornings a week to to clean and do washing. But it all comes down to money at the end of the day. Us both working full time made that help possible to be bought. The older 3 all got a school coach to school so we dropped them off at 7.45am which dealt with the mornings.

Always get more help. Your husband is right. I have never had too much help.

i have five and dp works long hours (at work now grrr)
do not worry 5 is only 1 more than 4....lol

My dp is also very hands on and helps a lot with the laundry...and children...the big ones are expected to help a wee bit although whether or not they do is a matter for debate!

I am not one for asking favours and we have no family so we are on our own really...3 are at school and two at home.

i keep the house very ordered and am quite strict about bedtimes etc....we do have an ironer...personally i do not really want someone else bringing them up esp as i have so many. i am a little paranoid people will ask why i had so many if i did not wat to do it iyswim

i do not have a cleaner but would have if it was not for eye watering mortgage - but also not keen on having people in the house..

what do you do nights for ..is it the money? i hope that will not make you too tired....

I have 5,( all under 7 and number 6 due in october...), my DH and I are both consultants, though I am currently on a sabbatical of sorts and working in an academic post in France. My tip for what it's worth is find a really good routine that works for you and stick to it. Even if it looks odd to the outside world !! For eg; bathing 5 would take up a huge chunk of time for nanny/me/DH....so I always bath,( we had a huge spa bath at our home in London, bit more cosy in the temp house in France !!), with the children, or as many as I can fit in ! It's fun, and all over in 30 mins tops....Ditto supermarket shop I always take all the children, large print computer generated lists for older three,( they then fetch and carry back and forth to trolley ), the babes, ( twins of nearly one ) have finger food to keep them amused...also i go at 9pm,( they all have late-ish bedtimes ), when it is quiet and not crowded....After 45 minutes we leave regardless of whether we have everything,( you can always picck up the few odds and ends next day )..I second Xenia re;help though...for go holidays/new clothes/useless baby equipment and get as much help as poss...Working fulltime also helps, financially and psychologically. Good luck, you will manage !

hello mozhe I've been trying to get Xenia over to your other thread and failed!!

im eldest of 10.

when anyone asked my mum how she coped she said "because we have to"

we all chipped in and helped with odd jobs around the house. its a bit like being in the military in the way we all had our jobs and we all made sure they were done, you have to be strict about certain things like bed and bathtimes but generally you need to rememeber to not sweat the small stuff.

You will be fine. You will find a way of doing things that suits your family, just as you did when you had 1, then 2, then 3, then 4.
What works for one family doesn't necessarily work for others. Everyone is different. You make adjustments as you go along. If you need more help and can afford it then why not? If you can't afford it then you just have to do it yourselves. I think for most people it's a balancing act and you have to decide which things are more important/possible at different stages.
I have 9 children, no cleaner, family help is for real emergencies only. Dh now pitches in when he's home, but only became more hands-on gradually over the years. We don't have a rigid routine as the children's requirements don't really allow this. This mostly works for us.
I think you'll do just fine and are having pre-birth nerves

I think it's very personal. One of my best friends has six girls, she is bringing them up to be tri-lingual French-Persian-German and also to have lots of activities outside school, her husband is an actor and often not at home for weeks on end and she works part-time at the US Embassy. She has cleaning help but that's all. All the children go to school or nursery. The children are charming and very independent and the parents aren't frazzled... they are very accomplished human beings IMO.

Thanks everyone.Lots of ideas, I think there are some pre birth nerves here and also I keep reminding myself that you get bad days where a child is ill/grumpy etc whether yuo have 2 or 10 children.Im working hard on my older 3 re independence and helping, it does make a big difference if everyone clears up after tea even if it is inexpertly done.I also get them all to bed earler than my 10 year thinks is respectful but he reads and it creates a bit of childfree time for me and dh.Maybe i will consider paying for twice a week cleaning too. Glad to see everyone is so positive about still working, i have also been having niggles that the job will prove too much even though i would hate to give it up ( im a police surgeon hence the nights but it is self employed so i can do as much or as little as I want)

Rosylizzie hats off to you for managing so well to date. Yes you are probably having pre birth nerves; I bet you can remember from last time if you look back...

If it's the weekends that are panicking you more atm, why not wait until the baby is born and then decide what to do because 1. your little dd may be more settled by then 2. you will have a clearer idea what help you'll need; more cleaning/more childcare/both.

If dh is working ft and you're in a demanding but exciting position too (and the self employed aspect must surely be a big +++)then surely you'll be able to manage to pay for more hours of cleaning and/or some pt weekend help to give yourself a breathing space ?

I have 4 and am a sahm; but sometimes wish I had a job to escape to...
...actually I'm working on that...just in case Xenia's reading...