Toddler wandering around in the night

[SomeRandomBird]

She's not sleepwalking, she gets up around 2 or 3am every night without fail and wanders into the hallway and cries until one of us comes and puts her back to bed. We tried putting a stair gate on her room but that made her really scream.

Last night it took her 2 hours to get back to sleep zzzz

Does anyone have tips on how to encourage her to stay in bed?

Is her bedroom warm enough? I’ve been waking recently because it’s cold. Is she having enough to eat and enough cuddles in the day?

Does she fall asleep in her own bed on her own at bedtime? If she's nursed off to sleep or has you beside her while she falls asleep then she's likely to feel alarmed when she finds herself awake at night and alone.

A nightlight might help.

Thanks both, she has plenty to eat and a little night light and nice warm PJs... but she is very clingy at the moment and likes me to hold her hand and sing to her as she falls asleep. I wondered if that was the problem.

She gets hysterical if I try and leave her room while she's still awake and sobs in the doorway begging for a cuddle and saying she's scared!

A couple of things to try

Give her a soft fuzzy blanket that you have slept with next to your ski. For a few days (so ot smells of you). Make a big thing of how she is a big girl and she can have a big girl blanket for sleeping on her own

Get a lavender room spray (or make one) let her decorate the bottle with stickers. Tell her it is a special spray for chasing away the scary (be non specific about what is scary, at 2 she will probably accept this). Then show her how to spray it pointed away from herself, maybe on the foot of her bed. Put it next to her bed amd say if she wakes up she can use it to do 2 sprays and then she will be able to go right back to sleep without Mummy because all the scary will be gone

Thanks SeatoSki I'll give them both a try!

try letting her self soothe, put herself to sleep without you.

I think that's why she's coming through looking for you at night then. If she can't settle herself at bedtime she's not going to be able to in the middle of the night either.

Try gradually moving further away from her as she falls asleep (sitting beside her but not touching her, then slightly further away, then in next room, etc) So that she learns you'll come if she needs you but that she doesn't need you always

How old is she? There’s a separation anxiety peak at 18 months - ish.

She's 2 years 9 months, thanks for the suggestions. She used to fall asleep fine but has got really clingy recently for some reason.

Maybe she’s just realised that she’s the only one expected to sleep alone.

Does she make any noise before she gets up? I'd use a monitor so you wake earlier and hopefully all she'd need is a quick cuddle and she'd fall asleep again. By the time she's up and in the hall she's probably too awake. I still stay with my 3 year old as he falls asleep and it doesn't cause him to come looking for me in the night. He sometimes wakes if he's scared and just needs some reassurance.

My 2year old had also been waking in the night recently but she's not distressed. I heard her on the monitor and when I went to her room she was on the rocking horse talking to herself at 3am wide awake. When I've put her back to bed she just gets up again.
Hopefully your LO settles down soon SomeRandomBird

That’s helpful Titty.

OP - every situation / child is different but DD was a terrible sleeper and we finally managed to solve it when she was just a couple of months older than your DD.

We never felt comfortable leaving her to cry, but we decided to completely cut out any talking, cuddles or affection at night. If she cried we would go in, if she got up we'd put her back to bed, but we wouldn't say a word, or give any cuddles. We explained to her every day what we were going to do that night if she got up, so she wasn't confused as to why we weren't talking to her.

We did a reward chart alongside this, but she didn't have much interest tbh. But the consistent no attention approach made a difference remarkably quickly (within a week). It didn't completely stop night waking but meant we could just put her back into bed and go back to sleep rather than those awful two hour night time efforts which were killing us!!! Don't know why we didn't do it two years earlier tbh!!!

evolutionaryparenting.com/reasons-toddlers-wake-at-night/

Includes separation anxiety exacerbated by sleeping alone.

We did a reward chart alongside this, but she didn't have much interest tbh. But the consistent no attention approach made a difference remarkably quickly (within a week). It didn't completely stop night waking but meant we could just put her back into bed and go back to sleep rather than those awful two hour night time efforts which were killing us!!

Might try this for my insomniac husband.

You're judgy on every single thread I've seen you on titty. Plenty of adults sleep alone. I'm one of them. Hate sharing a bed with anyone including DH.

How long's it been going on for? Mine seem to go through little phases of joining us, that solve themselves after a week or so. I don't normally take then back down to their room - just pull them in and let them sleep with us until morning - unless it's been going on for a bit and they seem to be doing it intentionally (this is obvious - there's more cheeky smiles and fewer sleep tears) rather than because they've woken up and are discombobulated.

You're judgy on every single thread I've seen you on titty. Plenty of adults sleep alone. I'm one of them. Hate sharing a bed with anyone including DH.

I wasn’t judging! It’s a valid point!

Are you gonna going to suggest anything, Bakedapple?

Ugh @TittyGolightly every sleep thread there you are criticising the OP's method. It's not possible for everyone to co-sleep. Space, health conditions, other children just being a few factors that I could mention.

Sleeping alone is not some form of torture like you seem to think it is.

I agree with PP about a gradual retreat method with moving slightly further away each night. That way she hopefully won't be panicked when she wakes and you aren't there. Though it may take some time... but will be worth it in the long run.

Ugh @TittyGolightly every sleep thread there you are criticising the OP's method. It's not possible for everyone to co-sleep. Space, health conditions, other children just being a few factors that I could mention.

It was an observation. I haven’t mentioned co-sleeping!

Sleeping alone is not some form of torture like you seem to think it is.

Yes but I know that's where you are leading with your "forced to sleep alone" comments. I've read you say the same thing on 10+ threads.

You know what happens when you assume?

I didn’t say forced. It was an observation.