Anybody have any tips for relaxation?

[revelsandrose]

My 10 yo ds has always been very emotional and sensitive. He is a lovely, thoughtful, caring boy.
He is a summer baby and very immature for his age anyway and has been struggling socially at school for the past year or so.
The other kids in his class have quickly learnt that it is really easy to wind him up just by doing the smallest things, resulting in him crying, shouting in the classroom, hitting himself and saying he wants to kill himself (all over irritating but minor issues).
I've tried telling him to count to ten in his head but this just isn't enough, can anybody give me any advice on techniques he could use to keep himself calm in the situations he finds so stressful.
I really don't want him to still be having these outbursts when he starts secondary school which will mark him out as an easy target for bullies. He already struggles to fit in and I'm hoping he will be able to make some like minded friends at secondary.
Thank you.

Anybody?

I would first talk to the school because that’s unacceptable behaviour from other children. Regardless of being sensitive or not.

How is he the rest of the time? How confident is he in himself because, regardless of age/maturity, he doesn’t sound it.

Secondly, does he do any other activities to build his confidence? Eg Cubs/Scouts etc? Definitely worth doing.

Third - I wouldn’t expect him to try and stay calm as clearly he’s having difficulty. I would have him walk away and go to an adult.

Thanks. I have spoken with the school many times but I've asked him would he like to move class and he said yes so I will tell his teacher on Monday (there are 2 year 6 classes).
I've tried cubs and football, he didn't like it. We've looked at sea cadets and it's all about building confidence so I'm going to take him along to see if he likes it.
I know that he shouldn't have to put up with teasing etc but I'm also aware that I can't control other people's behaviour towards him, however I can help him to have coping mechanisms to deal with situations he is uncomfortable in.

I wouldnt ask him if he wants to move class or to make any of those kinds of decisions - just march into school and calmly ask for action. I would ask to have a meeting with the teacher and insist they set out a proper action plan.
Being in another class might not help eg with play times etc.

Re Cubs etc - it takes a bit of time to warm up so with the cadets, give it a few weeks.

Firstly, the school must take better action to protect your son. It’s totally unacceptable for him to be bullied like this. Secondly, has your son been assessed for ASD? Your description of him has a number of aspects that I see very frequently in children on the spectrum. If he did receive as diagnosis then your child could be better supported all round in school. In no way does this excuse the bullies and the school’s poor response however.

Re strategies, I would suggest working on emotional literacy with him - get him to be able to identify a range of emotions in himself and then be able to notice when these get stronger and weaker eg using an anger volcano, or thermometer picture. Once he can notice that he is becoming wound up he will be better equipped to take actions to help stay calm before he gets (justifiably!) cross. Things he could do at that stage might be using a menu of strategies to choose from eg tell the teacher, breathing into his tummy, squeezing a ball, repeating a mantra to himself... Internet will have loads of ideas. Might he also benefit from some help with developing social skills? Not for the bullies but just in general to help his self esteem and ability to get along better in a different class.

ouchmyundercarriage this is something I have considered. The school don't seem to see a problem but I notice that he really struggles to deal with other people.
He either really wants to be their friend and doesn't quite 'get how to behave. Or, he totally doesn't want to interact and either reverts into himself with electronic games or tries to leave the situation. I just thought maybe this was because I'm not the best socially so not a good example to him. Although I do have friends that I enjoy.
Also he has this thing where he won't wear clothes at home. It's a real battle. He will ask for blankets because he's cold but just refuses to wear anything except underpants.

It sounds like you have a number of concerns that to me would justify an assessment. Have you been to see your GP? If you are thinking about it I would suggest trying to get him referred onto an assessment waiting list sooner rather than later as they are often very long, and with secondary transition coming up it’d be reassuring for you to have it in the pipeline. Don’t let school fob you off, you know him best. He may well not meet criteria, who knows, but always best to check IMO as the longer it gets left often the harder a time children have. He’s lucky to have such an on-it Mum xxx