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Parenting

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Original poster

Does anyone else have a friend they avoid because they can't stand their kids?

21 replies

LittleMissTwins · 06/05/2007 09:28

I have a dear friend who I have known for years but I find myself constantly making excuses not to see her because I can't deal with her kids.

When they come to my house they are into everything and she does nothing to control them. I make it clear when they arrive that the upstairs bedrooms are off limits but I have to constantly run up the stairs to drag them out of my bedroom. I have a stair gate but they are bigger than my kids and able to climb over it. Yesterday her little boy (4) came downstairs with some sweets that he had found IN MY BEDSIDE DRAWER!! I can only imagine what he made of the other items in there .

When they come over I always arrange an activity to get them out of the house and tire them out (soft play, park, etc) but this doesn't last all day and we eventually have to return home - for a cup of tea and for them to wreck my house!

Is anyone else in this situation? How do you deal with it? I find it sad as I love my mate dearly but she is so chilled out and nothing I say seem to say sinks in!

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glassslipper · 06/05/2007 09:30

yes i do.

in your situation i would so no crossing the stair gate or they go home. simple. tell your friend that you mean it as 'some other children' went up and trashed the place so it is a new rule. If she doesnt abide by it then only ever meet in a public place again.

becklespeckle · 06/05/2007 09:30

I have a lovely friend who I like very much but can't stand her kids! The oldest whines the whole time that she's hungry/thristy/bored and the younger one destroys everything. The worst thing is they are older children at 8.5 and 6.5 and I feel they should know better. She never disciplines them, they just do as they please. Needless to say I never invite her over in the school holidays...

deepinlaundry · 06/05/2007 09:48

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foxybrown · 06/05/2007 10:02

yep, and its got to the point where I'll tell him to 'play nicely' 'don't be unkind' blah blah blah because she can't be arsed!

It gets embarrassing after a while, last week I felt as I was going on and on at him because he was being mean to my DD. But his mum was happy for me to get on with it. When he got up and walked across the lunch table she didn't say a thing. Mine stood up and were very pointedly told thats not good behaviour.

It makes things very awkward, but what can you do?

DrunkenSailor · 06/05/2007 10:39

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Original poster

LittleMissTwins · 06/05/2007 10:44

It's hard as she's a lovely friend who I have known for years. We occasionally manage the odd kid-free lunch together and I really enjoy her company, it just all falls apart when her kids are in tow.

I spend the whole time saying "Don't do this/that" while she does nothing. I would feel so embarrised if a friend told my kids off but she doesn't seem bothered, or to even notice that they are behaving unacceptably. My excuses are wearing a bit thin - there are only so many dentist appointments your kids can have!

OP posts:

McDreamy · 06/05/2007 10:45

Yes I did, don't live near her now but always arranged to meet up with her when I knew her son would be at school

lovemybed · 06/05/2007 10:59

yes totally the same, lovely friend terrible child, and dont you just feel awfull for admitting that you dont like a child but i tell you this on is a monster.

suzywong · 06/05/2007 11:01

yes, of course.
Doesn't everybody?

ggglimpopo · 06/05/2007 11:02

I lost contact with my dds godmother once she hd children and spent a (long long long) afternoon chez moi. Never again.

Gameboy · 06/05/2007 11:27

Not exactly the same, but I do have a friend who has two children the same age as mine, and I absolutely DREAD the youngest one coming round to play with my youngest. He is rude to me, tells me his food is yucky, is horrible to DS2, kicks stuff in the garden (caught him throwing toys at the summerhouse windows last week ) and on one occasion stole money from DS1's money box...

Thing is, I tolerate it because our two oldest children are best friends, and the parents are friends and near neighbours, so it would make life very difficult and unpleasant for us all if we fell out. Also his parents are good people, with values and attitudes to discipline very like our own, so I am hoping / assuming that it is just a phase he's going through?

I still feel sick when I know he's coming round though, and he's only 5 !

Saturn74 · 06/05/2007 11:31

There aren't any children that I avoid, but there are adults that I avoid because they do not set any boundaries for their children.
Children all misbehave sometimes, but as long as their parents ensure they acknowledge and apologise for inappropriate behaviour rather than ignoring it, that's fine with me.

hatrick · 06/05/2007 11:34

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cylonbabe · 06/05/2007 11:49

yes, thats why i only arrange tot see her when kids at school

PeterAndreFanCLub · 06/05/2007 12:02

rahter sadly yes
and it not her kdi i dont liek its her parenting
she is SO weak and crap
their manners are terribel
you give them a gift and ther is barely a thnakou
and interstingly after i started noticing this about her kid i noticed she was the same

Original poster

LittleMissTwins · 06/05/2007 13:11

Gameboy - you made me laugh. I also lose sleep when I know she is bringing her kids over and wake up on the day seized with terror, like before an exam

All kids play up, mine at the best of times but it's how you deal with it. I just find it so frustrating that I always seem the "meanie" telling them off when she sits there and does nothing. I guess I just have to live with it and put up with them sometimes to keep her as a mate.

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Twiglett · 06/05/2007 13:15

yes of course doesn't everyone

one word of caution re a child being older than yours .. there seems to be a misconception that they become easier to deal with .. in some ways as they get older and more independent and more of a sense of self it becomes more difficult to control them if you haven't already set those boundaries at an earlier stage ... so don't go expecting a 4 year old / 6 year old / 8 year old to be much better behaved than your 2- 3 year old .. because in reality you're fooling yourself.. they are more difficult because its less black and white ..

.. oh and my kids are very well behaved .. or so I've heard from other people

paulaplumpbottom · 06/05/2007 13:16

No but I know kids that I avoid because I can't stand to be around their parents

Twiglett · 06/05/2007 13:17

I remember with first child at 2 looking at 4 year olds askance and thinking 'but they're so much older they should KNOW how to behave' .. rofl at self in embarrassed realisation

(oh my 3 year old can be a bit of a madam at times ... as BT can attest to )

Twiglett · 06/05/2007 19:19

killed it dead then

WestCountryLass · 06/05/2007 22:36

I agree Twiglett

My DS is only 5 but even so I can see your point. You do have to compromise/negotiatem more as they get older but, still, they should know the boundaries - even if they will still push them!

What I find difficult is other peoples reaction to tantrums as they get older. My 5 year old does have the occasional tantrum but that isn't how he behaves all the time, if he does melt down you can see people thinking "brat" but he isn't really!

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