Husband not wanting to be a parent anymore

[FeeFee2018]

Hi all so Last night during our 3 months crying spell my husband blurted out he wouldn't wish parenting on anyone. I let it slip as he was tired after work and our son was screaming bloody murder. But he decided to sleep on the couch last night and left for work at half 4 this morning (normally 7 he leaves.) Our son has just turned 3 months and my husband does nothing to help with him he's never changed a nappy, fed or even bathed his own son before. A few weeks ago he even said that our son was "my idea" so in other words nothing to do with him! Well it takes 2 to tango and him saying that nearly crushed me. Our baby wasn't exactly planned but he's here now. My husband and I were each others shadows doing everything together until our son was born so I understand that our lives have changed completely but I need help every now and then. I hate that there's a wedge between us now that I fear is going to keep getting bigger. I know that he's not happy at the moment and I need to try and broach the subject without us having a fight about it. Has anyone else ever experienced this and how did you get through it?

my husband does nothing to help with him he's never changed a nappy, fed or even bathed his own son before.

Why have you been letting him get away with this? What happens at weekends?

Sounds like you have two dc on your hands - and it sounds unbearable. Sit down and tell your h how you feel. Why does he feel like this? If he really feels like this and isn't prepared to step up and actually parent his own child, ask him to leave.

The first few months to a year are really hard on even the strongest relationship, I found.

Ultimately though he is a father he can’t decide he doesn’t want to do it anymore. He needs to grow up and deal with it. Sorry he’s being such a dick. For the time being I’d leave him to sulk and hopefully he’ll get a grip and grow up soon, if you’re doing it all alone anyway it won’t make much difference.

Why the fuck has he got away with doing nothing?!

No I would not be putting up with him coming out with crap like that, he'd be out that door

The first few months of parenting nearly broke me and DP as it was so tough on us.
The biggest question is has he bonded with the baby? It sounds like maybe he hasn’t. If you said to him “I’ve got to go out for a couple of hours, here’s what to do” then go out would he agree? Or give them an activity to do at weekends like swimming.

I think he sounds unsure of his role / helpless. I think he needs you to tell him you need help and assign him some roles. Bath time. While you shower. While you nap at weekends. He should not need this but it is new to him and he sounds detached and clueless. Of course if you ask for help / hand him the baby and he 'give up' this is unacceptable. He is a parent too.

He will bond far better with your baby if he is involved with his intimate care so nappies, bathtime, dressing, playing etc.

He probably feels like he’s “lost” you. He’s having an adult temper tantrum but it’s fixable.

He needs to get involved with the day to day so he can fall in love.

Why on earth have you let him get away with it so long? He should have been changing nappies and doing baths from day one.

Reverse the situations, could your husband have post natal depression? Doesn’t sound like a normal response and he’s obviously not bonded at all.

What an irresponsible man baby. He needs to step up and start behaving like an adult and start to parent his child...and you need to let him.

Do you get any down time? Time away from the baby? Do you get a lie in at the weekend?

Teach him how to look after your baby then make him get involved. He needs to bond with the baby. Honestly, my DH is so handy around my DC that I fear he'd get custody if we ever split up

He wouldn't wish parenting on anyone but he doesn't parent his own son. Caring for your own children is not 'helping'. I'd start by ceasing enabling him to do nothing.

he even said that our son was "my idea" so in other words nothing to do with him!

That's NOT how it works.

Ok don't panic, the first 3 months are tough! Yes he's being unreasonable and should be doing much more, but also (as you know) you don't get much positive feedback from a newborn. And sleep deprivation is a killer so neither of you are in a stable frame of mind.

DD2 is 6 months old and adorable, shaking her head and smiling to get our attention, and sleeping better, it's easier when they're cute!

Never fed or changed a nappy? Your husband needs a good talking to. His sperm contributed 50% to the baby! My wife would have chopped my balls off by now showing such selflessness. Even with a FT job I do half the feeds /nappies and still feel I'm not doing enough.

This won’t end well if you don’t make him pull his weight now 50:50. Whether he works or if he home or not. Maybe it’s easier if big parents work out of he home (as we did) as there less of an ‘excuse’ from the the one who leaves the house everyday. But by the by it’s not to late to start again. Nappy change and feed rota. Sleep rota. Whatever it takes. Make it 50:50. I could easily have left my do with our babies alone for weeks but that age (if I wouldn’t have missed hem terribly) and it was all down to making it crystal clear that was a 50:50 ‘job’ as are the good time/rest to be had

Not big parent. I mean ‘one parent’