Step child woes

[meme70]

Okay I have a stepchild 11 been in her life 5 years
Gradually over the years my husband expects me to do everything for her
Our house is damp we are hoping to move this year so as stepdaughter has lung problems she’s had to sleep at her mums but is still with us 3 days a week it’s usualky 3 days and nights last year for a while was 7 days and nights a week then 4.

Husband told me his daughter will be back to sleeping at our house end of the month and he won’t have time to care for her , I said then surely she shouldn’t be here more if you haven’t time for her?
We work from home he’s in the computer working the whole time she’s here I do tell him it’s weingvahes asked him to spend time with her.

So I do all her washing cooking cleaning up everything.

I said well I’m not doing it all anymore it’s unfair and he replied well I’ll try and make time
I know he won’t so what’s going to happen ? I’ll be expected to carry on doing everything in the house work and all her care- I have 2 children at home 18 and 13.

Do you think he should simply not have her more if he is stating he hasn’t time to look after her ?

Didn't you post this thread yesterday?

He's taking the piss and not taking care of HIS child. That's why she goes to your house to spend time with her dad. Refuse to do anything. He seriously needs to step up.

Poor little girl. She shouldn't be seen as a burden.

IME if you are a family of four one more doesn't make a lot of difference. How hard is it to stick a few extra bits in the washer or make an extra meal when you are cooking for a family anyway?

I would suggest that you all try to pull together as a family. Husband should definitely not expect you to do everything and surely your own adult "child" and teenager can also help out.

I'm sure you posted this yesterday. You can't force him to do anything. If we doesn't want to parent his dd he won't. If he wants her at your house he has every right to do that. Your options are:

1. Accept that neither of the girl's parents will change the situation while you are around to pick up their slack, and carry on as you are, I.e. being a mug.

1. Accept that neither of the girl's parents will change the situation while you are around to pick up their slack, and remove yourself and your dc from the household to begin a positive new life free of their shit.

1. Accept that neither of the girl's parents will change the situation while you are around to pick up their slack, and stop doing anything for your dh and dsd completely. Exist in the same space without engaging and force see how he responds. The problem with this option is that the dc will be caught in the crossfire and you'll all be miserable.

Serin
She seems to be a burden for her own parents
They had her and therefore shouldnt be expecting everyone else to do what most parents naturally do.

I don’t think it’s down to me to have to do everything for everyone when they are all capable of doing chores etc

The issue is he will not do anything around the house or for his daughter so why is he having her ? Obviously one extra persons waahing xooking cleaning is doable but with no appreciation and his daughter will point blank refuse to do anything I ask her.

If he doesn’t think he should do anything in the house he’s teaching her she doesn’t have to either and I feel he should be thinking more along the lines of

I’m her father I should be doing everything for her ?

No her parents aren’t good parents that is not down to me to step up and do they’re job and I won’t be made to feel bad.
I have done everything for this child they failed to do but as one of you put in a mug carrying on that’s all I needed to hear !
This mug has hung herself up and is no longer being used.

My question simply is
Shouldn’t a father do his child’s care ?
Do people think men shouldn’t ?
If my daughters step mother was made to do everything for them I’d be saying you should go and stay here as it’s not right your father isn’t looking after you it’s his job..

At the end of the day I’m not to blame for these people lack of love for they’re child I just wanted to find a way of making him see he needs to be a father - what’s the point in a child coming to see they’re parent of said parent is on the computer the whole time and refuses to even make his child a meal ?

If you feel your husband is that bad a father why are you still with him?

I have a step son and when he is with us it's just another person slotted into the day to day. I will cook, tidy and wash for him if I am doing it anyway. My DP helps around the house regularly not just when DSS is staying.

You are right, a father should take care of his own child, he should be setting a good example. The thing is, just because you want him to see things the way you do doesn't mean it's ever going to happen. He will not change his attitude towards his dd because he doesn't want to. There is nothing you can say or do.

I can’t imagine finding someone who is that bad a parent at all attractive or loveable.

So I guess that is my answer - the marriage would be over and so I would not be looking after the step daughter.

OP, I don't think we have the answer for you. On your other thread, you were told he won't change and you would be better off without him. You aren't going to get different answers here. If he doesn't care about his DD you aren't going to make him. Either you continue to do everything for her, or you leave and leave him to it. Everyone here telling you he should be doing it isn't going to change him.