Am I just being over-sensitive? How do I deal with tomorrow?

[Easy]

As some of you know, I have some physical problems, and I'm employing a student 2 days a week to help me deal with ds, take him out for adventures and stuff.

Anyway, ds is testing me out ATM, daddy is working away Mon-Fri, and today ds (nearly 5) decided to be a bit difficult with me. I'm dealing with it, but in my own way (a smiley/Black crosses chart).

Anyway today my student helper took it upon herself to award ds 2 black crosses, and at 4 p.m., whilst drinking the tea I'd just made her she tells me I'm too soft on ds, MUST introduce the naughty step (doesn't work for me, ds knows I can't physically MAKE him stay on it), and basically I'm failing in disciplining my child.

Her qualifications? She worked one summer as an assistant in a nursery, she's just finished a degree in social sciences, and she's watched 3 episodes of SuperNanny.

I felt like telling her to get lost, I was really angry. Now I just feel really inadequate. How do I tell her that her job is to help me with the physical stuff, that I'm trying the best I can, and I think that most days I have a handle on the situation?

Nobody can help then?

Sorry Easy,

I think I would tell her, although the naughty step may be a good idea in theory, you have no way of enforcing it.

Also why did she give out the black crosses? Does she normally do this?

I hope you get it sorted out soon.

Big hugs from me.

I think you need to tell her that you employ her to help with phsycal stuff and not parenting!

Super nanny wannabe!!!![cross]

I DO NOT think you're being too sensitive.

Trouble is I want to tell her, but tactfully (one of us needs to have tact!). I don't want to have an awkward atmosphere for the rest of the summer.

I think you should tell her that deciding when and why black crosses are awarded is down to you, Easy. If she thinks there is an issue she should check with you first. Please don't feel inadequate, she has overstepped the mark here - as you say, she is here to help you with physical things, not to take over discipline from you. Hope you can sort it out with her tomorrow. xxx

You're certainly not being over-sensitive. Perhaps you could go through her job description with her again and make it clear that her job is to do X, Y & Z, and that disciplining ds is YOUR job, not hers.

I wonder how she is coping with your son? perhaps it's her who is finding things more tough going than you.

I too would not like someone making such personal criticisms of my parenting skills especially as they are in my home at my invitation.

Is it any good looking at her original job description? If she really is there to provide physical help only, then it's not her place to imply that your parenting skills are not up to scratch.

Can you tactfully remind her of her job description, emphasise the boundaries and general rules of your working arrangement?

I wonder if she feels unsupported? I'm not saying that you aren't offering her support, more that she feels she has bitten off more than she can chew. Suddenly she is having to put her theory into practice and things aren't like the text books. Perhaps you need to reassure her that you and her are a team, as well as making sure she knows what's expected of her and what is not. If she has problems with the role she has been given, talking to her now gives her the opportunity to tell you that.

I would feel angry in your situation too!

That Super Nanny has a lot to answer for!

It's a tricky one, isn't it? Could you say to her that the star/black crosses chart is for you to use - if she feels he is deserving of a black cross (or a star) she must discuss it with you first? I would have said almost 5 is a little old for a naughty step anyway - he is old enough to be reasoned with (and made to feel guilty!)

It is difficult, as you want to get on with her, but she is definitely over-stepping the mark. Sounds like a case of a little experience going a long way - wee bit overzealous and keen.

Good luck.

Thanx, I know I can be over-sensitive at times, and I'm also aware that I NEED this helper so we can do nice things over the summer. Believe me, it's really difficult to get a part-time Mother's help around here, Finding this one was difficult enough.

Marthamoo,
Yes that's it, she's very keen. Starts her PGTC course after summer, can't wait to teach the children.

She told me last week that we have done soooo well with ds's reading (I tried not to think 'patronising so-and-so'

Keen and evangelical - yikes. I'm sure she means well. Just wait 'til she has kids of her own . She will look back and cringe...

OH ROFL I had one of these in the shoe shop. Explained ds1 was autistic and wasn't going to be easy- and she had to be quick. She smiled and told me not to worry as she was a psychology student and knew all about autism. 5 minutes later she backtracked to "well we only read a coupple of pages" as ds1 screamed the place down and attempted to kick her in the face whilst I was practically siting on him t stop him running off.

I expect she'll look back in a few years time and cringe at how she was with you. for now I think tell her that its confusing if there are 2 people parenting with different agendas and if she wants to award a black cross and/or a star she needs to ask you first and you'll say yes or no and explain your reasoning to her.

Just thought I'd tell you. She's arrived this morning, looking very tired (I think a bit hung over). I've asked her to take ds for a spot of footie in the park first thing, get some of the bounce out. He He.

sorry that's vindictive. Am planning to have a quiet word when they get back and she has a coffee tho'

Easy,

How did the chat go this morning?

Sneaky!

Did you get a chance to talk to her about things?

Agree with Angeliz - you are the employer, you are the boss - you set down the way it will be she follows it -simple(possibly said in a nicer way!!!)