Annoyed at Pre-school psychoanalysing dd

[User456746]

I will say straight off that I am heavily pregnant and so prone to feeling hormonal.
When I collected my 4.5 year old from pre-school today (she starts school in September)...one of the teachers (who apparently hadn't witnessed dds behaviour) commented that my dd didn't seem to be herself today - that she was flitting between activities and not doing as she was told. Then, this teacher put it down to everything being unsettled at home, with the pending birth and perhaps dd was a bit unsettled because of it. I spoke to dh who said, no, he hasn't noticed that dd has been behaving any differently of late and we have talked about the baby and kept to dd's usual routines etc. there is nothing apparent that is distressing her, although obviously it will be unsettling because it is a huge event.
I asked dd why she hadn't done what she was told today and she said it was because she was bored and they were doing the same activity over and over again...I think it was a messy play theme which dd isn't particularly into.
The teacher said..."I just thought you ought to know," (about dds behaviour) as if there was something really awry. Whilst, I appreciate being kept informed, I don't think it was fair to worry me unnecessary after just one day when dd might just have been having an off day (if it was a re-occurring pattern then fair enough) but it really annoyed me that they took it upon themselves to psychoanalyse my dd and our situation. I'm obviously, sensitive to things at the moment and making far more of this but actually, I think it was unreasonable on their part to worry me unnecessary especially given my current circumstances. Just had to vent this somewhere.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, but you're being unreasonable in this instance. The teacher was just trying to help.

Better that they are displaying that they actually know your DD, take an interest in her, and can see when she is acting out of character, than if it was entirely impersonal and they didn't care.

They weren't saying it to worry you, they were just letting you know. Children can act out in school where they don't at home, and vice versa. I am sure you have prepared your DD well for the impending birth, but no parent can cancel out the worry and stress of a new situation completely.

I think they jumped to conclusions a bit which is irritating but you want them to tell you if she’s having an off day and you perhaps are being a little over sensitive.

You're being a bit U and oversensitive. It's good of preschool to feedback on behaviour and that they are being understanding that there might be reasons why she wasn't her normal self (much better than them writing off her not following instructions as 'naughty'). Perhaps in this case it wasn't what was behind her behaviour but you say yourself she's bound to be unsettled by the upcoming change and some times children release anxiety in ways that aren't immediately obvious.

They are telling you she has had an off day and then giving you a reason and her a get out of jail free card ! They were in affect telling you not to worry. That's how I see it anyway, don't over think it 😁

You are way overthinking this.

They didn’t “psychoanalyse” her they observed her behaviour and drew a reasonable conclusion based on available data.

Your 4 yo isn’t going to say “I was naughty and unfocused because I’m nervous about the baby” is she?

Don’t give it another thought.

I agree that they jumped to conclusions a bit! I used to get similar feedback sometimes, that DD would just wander and not choose an activity. Basically it was because she didn't want to do any of them (and also lacks a bit of self direction but that's another story!).

I remember it being a running joke that DD hated dressing up clothes. When one day she put a princess dress on, it was written in her EYFS diary as having helped her friendship and social skills (whereas I thought "Huh! So you have to wear a polyester frock to fit in to have good friendships, do you? )

That's a long winded way of saying don't worry about it. My DD also has a September birthday and was totally over preschool by the summer term.

Thanks for your feedback. I totally understand what you are saying about the fact that it is good of them to take notice of dd's behaviour etc. but as User149 said...I do think they jumped to conclusions a bit and yes, this is what is irritating me. Of course I am going to worry about my dd, I don't think she did anything outrageously bad (no specifics given) and I could also understand if this was a pattern... she attends three days. Normally dd, acts up with me... if anything...so I think it would be apparent...just annoyed at assumptions made, I think, plus of course being a tad oversensitive currently and I have worked hard to keep things ticking over as 'normally' as possible...Perhaps she was just bloody bored (she's nearly school age!)

Yes, Hey, thanks for posting. DD certainly knows her own mind and is extremely confident (and described as bright also) so there may be an element of just being fed up with messy play. DD is now one of the oldest there too and will turn 5 not long after starting school.

They probably jumped to that conclusion because she is normal so well behaved that they immediately noticed a change.

Either way, don’t worry about it.

We have talked to dd a lot about babies/being a big sister...dd has a big sister too (7 years older) so its not like she is going from being an only child to becoming a sibling. Of course this doesn't eradicate her sense of the unknown or some anxiety (she is the type of child who would voice her anxiety, she has learnt a lot from her older sister and has advanced speech for her age and well able to express herself especially if she wasn't happy with something).

No, Thistle...I don't believe for one moment she is that well behaved but is the type of child who will let you know if she is bored/uninterested in an activity. As I said in my last post...she does know her own mind and is certainly not shy is expressing it...I think it is to do with the messy play thing...and I am irritated that they seem to have jumped to conclusions...it was also followed by..."is everything alright?" Grhhh, well of course it isn't a 100% but not so out of whack that it effects my children in a really negative way. Oh, yes I'm sensitive! I was asked how long I had to go in my pregnancy this morning by a grandmother dropping off a child at pre-school...when I said two weeks, she said "Are you sure?" Yes, yes I'm sure, I've been counting down the days and interpreted her message as you're massive aren't you....yes, yes, I am massive and uncomfortable and not sleeping properly and trying to keep going and trying to keep things on an even keel for my children. I smiled politely, nodded and moved on.....Grhhhh!

Oh dear User you do sound very irritated and grumpy but that’s understandable.

Let it go. I can see you took it as a criticism of your parenting but I’m absolutely sure it wasn’t meant to be.

Best wishes for the new baby.