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Parenting

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Original poster

Can't keep up with life's demands! What do you do?

15 replies

Mamaalwaysworried · 05/03/2018 12:46

I am literally failing at all elements of life. I work full time and can't keep up with my house chores like basic laundry and putting away clothes. If I get me two kids (two under 4) dressed and ready then I practically time zero Time to get myself dressed. I have an OCD husband who panicks at the sight of mess and untidiness so I'm always in a constant mental and physical battle to get the next task done but the list grows faster then I can keep up.

I already have a cleaner but what else do you suggest to give life some sanity?

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Makingworkwork · 05/03/2018 12:50

Why are you getting both of the kids ready? You such each get a child ready. Make sure jobs are divided equally between adults. Can you increase cleaners hours.

unintentionalthreadkiller · 05/03/2018 12:56

I get up extra early so I can get ready and then we tackle the kids.

Your husband's OCD - is that real OCD? Either way he needs to take responsibility for it and clean up if he isn't happy.

I have planners for everything, reminders on phone and work phone, big whiteboard in the kitchen. Any commitment get written straight on to the calendar.

I empty book bags as soon as I get in from work, anything that needs a response is either put in the planner or signed nad straight back into book bag.

We both have set jobs to do - eg DH bathroom, me cooking etc.

Its so dull but I plan our meals, shopping gets delivered on sunday and I cook at leas a couple of things for the week ahead so there is food ready when we get home.

Original poster

Mamaalwaysworried · 05/03/2018 15:23

My husband is useless around the house and with kids. He helps where he can but generally he isn't great so I can't rely on him. He also has a stressful job with long hours and lots of travel so he's not around very much anyway.

He does the dishes and cooks when he is available. But I still do 90% of things. Which isn't the real problem, I often just imagine how I would do it if I was a single mum and that's the basis of my question. What can I do to make things easier. Not relying on DH.

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se22mother · 05/03/2018 15:40

As a single wohp I depend completely on lists and planners

Bexter801 · 05/03/2018 15:44

Are you trying to keep everything spotless for you or your husband?

MistressDeeCee · 05/03/2018 15:58

You have a husband. You both work. You can both get the children ready, keep the house tidy. You sound as if to want to live as a single parent whilst married, so that your husband doesn't have more "pressure" - & yet by your own admittance, in addition to working you do 90% of all else.

You can't be a 1950s style housewife whilst holding down a full-time job. That kind of imbalance isn't going to work.

At the very least if he is a stickler for tidiness then he can take on a couple of more chores. I know 2 people with OCD - whilst you could roll eyes at their exacting standards of cleanliness, they get up and do the cleaning to their required standard. They don't leave it to someone else. Unless your husband has been diagnosed I'm sceptical about his OCD. If he doesn't like mess and clutter then he can help more in clearing up.Can you have the cleaner for an extra day?

Aside from that what unintentional says is good

Buckingfrolicks · 05/03/2018 16:01

Unless your husband has been diagnosed I'm sceptical about his OCD.

Me too. It's a great way to pressure your wife to do more house work... 'oh the kitchen is so dirty it's making me feel ill darling, I'm sorry, I need to lie down quietly with my laptop/work/playing, could you make sure it's spotless when I come back downstairs in an hour?'

bollocks.

Neato · 05/03/2018 16:15

Night before prep is helpful if you want more time in the morning, OP.

Next days clothes laid out, bags packed, lunches made and in the fridge, breakfast laid out on the table, toothpaste on toothbrushes for kids etc etc

Leave the kids clothes by front door with their coat & shoes so you are doing it all as you exit the house. When the first kid is ready, have them stand with their back to the door and not move! This works with my 3 and as soon as they are ready, we play eye-spy which can be done half-heartedly whilst dressing the other child....

You could try and get as ready as you can either before they wake / whilst they are eating or give them 10 mins on a tablet?

Bofster37 · 05/03/2018 16:22

I don’t understand; if he’s the one who wants it spotless then he’s the one who can make it that way. Why should you pander to his preferences? No wonder you don’t have any time for yourself! Also, split the childcare work!

BitOutOfPractice · 05/03/2018 16:24

I'm so fed up of hearing about these "OCD" men who don't lift a finger in the house

MyBrilliantDisguise · 05/03/2018 16:26

I brought up two children on my own - they were 10 and 8 at the start and I worked full time. By that stage I actually found it easier on my own - my ex wasn't exactly useful in the morning and it meant there was one less in the bathroom.

I found that getting up an hour earlier than normal and spending that hour focusing on myself - shower, hair, clothes, lunch etc - made things a lot easier. It only works if your children will sleep through it, though.

And at night have a chair for each child and lay out absolutely everything they need for the next day, before you go to bed.

MaybeDoctor · 05/03/2018 16:27

He can’t be both useless around the house and be OCD about tidiness - how would that work if he lived alone?

Callamia · 05/03/2018 16:33

Never mind your husband, what do YOU want?

I want a house tidier and more polished than my husband does, so we have a cleaner. I’ve also got two under four, and I exist in chaos. I plan, and do maximum impact, least time type jobs whenever I can. I ‘direct’ my husband to put clothes away if he’s walking upstairs empty handed (a crime!), and rely on one pot dinners/batch meals where possible. I also give praise for takeaways.

I still drop the ball, and if a child (or two) get ill, then I am ruined, but I’m trying to be kind about that - this is a challenging time, acknowledge it as such, and know that it won’t always be so frantic.

redorangeblue · 17/05/2018 23:10

nothing you're doing a great job. tell your husband to clear up if he can't stand mess. I have 2 under 4 and we both are out at work 5 days a week 8 to 7pm. we r shattered but i really try to make thr most of bedtime and weekend . (I get what you mean about dressing tho, I am pretty quiet and mild in nature but oh the stress of getting them dressed or undressed sends me a screaming rage (they are perfectly capabLe but they just want to play)

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 17/05/2018 23:26

My experience of OCD is that people with it genuinely need to do whatever it is that they need to do.

If their obsession is to have a clean house (and a large proportion have other very different obsessions) then they clean it. They clean it when they can barely stand up with flu, they clean it even though their hands are bleeding, they clean it even though it is already cleaner than an operating theatre.

That is why it is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. They are compelled to do things that a rational person would not do.

The one thing they are not is “useless around the house”.

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