Won't poo in the toilet

[milkymill]

Dd is 28mths and we are on the second day of total nappy ban (except nights). She went to the toilet all day yesterday with no accidents, the problem is pooing. She refused to do it in the toilet (went in knickers yesterday) She seems terrified of doing it on the loo and gets really upset if i try to encourage her. We know when she's doing one because she slopes off and busies herself playing. She's been doing wees in the loo for a while now, which is why i wanted to take the intensive approach and spend 3-4 days in the house and make the switch. This seems to be the only hurdle though. Any ideas welcome.

I'd just let her have a nappy if she'll ask for one.

We had 15 months of this after dd was dry during the day. She became hysterical at the thought of pooing in the loo, and trying to force the issue just made things much, much worse. We tried bribery, star charts - you name it, we tried it. You'd think we'd asked her to chop her own arm off and eat it, rather than asking her to try to poo in the toilet.

In the end it just became so distressing for us all that we decided to ease up on it, because we could see real problems in store if we didn't.

Just because she's ready to be dry doesn't necessarily mean she's ready to be clean - they are two completely separate processes. And even if she is pysically ready, that doesn't necessarily mean she's ready emotionally.

It really doesn't hurt to let her have a nappy - the alternative for us was a distressed, constipated child and that wasn't acceptable to us.

Thanks for your reply, that does make sense. She seems to have accepted that she 'doesn't wear nappies now' and even complained when i put one on for bed. (no poo today just bad wind) The problem is i don't want to confused her and i'm a little worried she'll go back to weeing in her nappy if i put one on. She hasn't asked for one so far, just said she doesn't need a poo.

We had this, and wwb gave me the same excellent advice then - believe me it does make total sense and your dd won't get confused. Once it ceases to become an issue, she'll progress to pooing on the loo in her own time, probably sooner rather than later. hth

Dd always said she didn't need a poo either, when we could see quite obviously that she did. Until we decided to just let her get on with it and have a nappy, she just ended up constipated.

It won't confuse her if you allow her to ask for a nappy for a poo, honestly it won't. Wee and poo are two completely separate issues, and she will separate the two very easily.

It'll happen when she's ready - it's just a case of letting her get used to it in her own time, not yours.

Thanks for that advice. When she wants one tomorrow, i'll offer the toilet and if not give her a nappy.

Good luck.

I found with my dd that it was easier on all of us to tell her that, although the proper place for poo was the toilet, we knew she wasn't happy to use the loo so she could always ask for a nappy if she wanted one for a poo.

It was a little different to your dd's situation, though, because it had been going on for a little while before we decided on the softly, softly approach and dd was completely hysterical at even the thought of using the toilet for a poo and had started to become constipated. We didn't give her the nappy right from the start so she'd had chance to get herself almost phobic about pooing in the toilet, and I think that's why it took us 15 months to get her to use the loo. I do wonder if she would have found it less traumatic (and gotten over her issues much quicker) if we'd just gone with the nappy right from the start.

Dd does still have pooing issues (she's 6 this month) so maybe we would have had the same problem anyway - but it made it more pleasant for everyone to go easy on her until it stopped becoming an issue for her. Once these things become an issue, they can be hard to get over.

Your dd is very young, and sometimes their fear of the toilet at that age comes from actually feeling the poo coming away from their body in a way they're not used to. They've never really felt it that way, they've never had quite the same realisation that it comes from inside them and it can take some getting used to. There's sometimes a sense that it "belongs" to them, and it's a part of them that's come away - with a nappy on they don't get that feeling in the same way.

Someone once suggested cutting a hole in dd's nappy and sitting her on the toilet, so that she had the familiar sensation of having her nappy on but still poos in the toilet. Once they get used to that, you cut bigger and bigger holes until they are literally sitting on the toilet wearing the waistband of the nappy! Dd wouldn't go anywhere near the loo to poo so that didn't work for us, but it might be something that would work for you if your daughter can be persuaded to sit on the loo with a nappy on. Don't push it if she won't, though.

She'll get there. I hope she gets on OK today.