Feeling anxious about being alone with my DD

[KimchiLaLa]

My DD is 5 months. She's a gorgeous, smiley (when not in a leap!) little girl. I rely a lot on my parents, particularly my mum, for help. They live 10 mins away from me and honestly have kept me sane during this time. I probably rely on them a little too much! If I don't have plans, I usually go to their house most days with DD, who they adore. If I don't go there they always tell me they're waiting for me! I don't doubt my abilities with her, I know when she's hungry, needs a nap etc, and I know we have a strong bond.

My parents travel a lot usually and are going away this week for two weeks. My DH will take the rest of his pat leave for the first week as he didn't take it all at first (he is a hands on dad but has a hard job which requires a lot of office face time so we agreed he would spread it out).

I am getting very anxious about them
Going away. I don't think I have PND, but it's the thought of the days I'll be alone with DD. To make matters worse, she's coming to the end of a leap so is much more grumpy than usual. Is this normal? I don't think it is...but my mum friends have DH's who work from home so I don't think it's something they've encountered.

I am making plans for all days I'll have her on my own but am still feeling a bit nervous!

You are doing all the right things, having DH home for some of it and making plans for the rest. Is there something in particular that worries you?

Honestly no. I don't know what it is. I think I'm just reliant on having my parents around to help when i need them to. I know that is bad but they love having her and myself around. So I've just fallen in to it. She wakes up, we play, she has a feed and a morning nap, then we head over there and they play with her in between naps. I'm not sure what I would do with her all day on my own!

I think it’s normal to be nervous when your support network isn’t as strong for a while. I remember being quite worried when my partner had the first overseas trip and left me home with baby for over a week. Once you’ve done it you have crossed another bridge and know you can do it. It’s a good idea to have some things planned but also be able to go with the flow. At around that age they can suddenly change nap times or have a day of teething pain, so I’d prioritise understanding friends and flexible plans. You’ll be fine, but don’t give yourself a hard time over feeling a bit apprehensive

The thing is, your daughter LOVES it when it's just you two! Think of it that way - she's on her own with her best mate!

Do you go to any toddler groups? They saved my life.

Arrange to meet friends and find out if your library has a book bug session : any baby classes on offer. Also check out local mother and toddlers groups. Have somewhere to go most days so that the time at home doesn't seem
Endless. I'm similar as live close to parents and we always end up there if we have nothing on. Also a walk to the local shops or bus into town is great.

Good luck!

I felt like this when my other half when back to work after paternity leave. & I see my parents frequently too so I can understand the worry. But honestly you'll be fine, you've been smart filling your days because it can get pretty lonely/tedious indoors but don't panic! Like you say you have a good bond with your daughter, enjoy having some one on one. I swear when you spend time alone with them they seem to have so much more character! My girl is always her best self when it's just the two of us...

I think it will be good for you to have to go it alone so to speak. It will improve your confidence and you will be fine.

Btw don’t over think these ‘leaps’, they are not an exact science. Babies have good and bad days all over the place.

With young babies I think most mums benefit from getting out of the house at least once a day, it just sounds like you've fallen into the habit of that outing being to your parents. You just need to replace it. As pp said, check local playgroups, baby swim times, go to the library, to the park - anything really to break the day up and get out of the house. You'll be fine - and maybe you'll enjoy some of the alternatives that you could lessen your reliance on your parents.

I found it helped to have something to do each day. Check out play groups or the local library (rhyme time reading time). For you to speak to someone. Coffee with other mums etc

Op its normal to be nervous about being alone with a little one. But everytime I had to go through it I came out feeling like a champion!!

I have a dh who worked long days and no family nearby so I had to really make nyself get out and be friendly as going without adult conversation always made me miserable. I forced myself to make plans and chat to people ...to try new playgrouos and do as much as possible to fill the day.

Dont best yourself up..I had a lot of alone time but it doesn't mean I think its natural or the best situation. I think humans are communal creatures and raising babies is better with support.

See it as an opportunity to find other mums in your area and build a bit more network in to your life. You will enjoy it I bet

OP sounds like you are reliant on your parents for company rather than not being able to manage on your own. Perhaps you should look into baby groups or classes to try and meet new friends. I definitely would go mad with boredom if I didn’t speak to any other adults all day.

I think it's a really good thing your parents are going to away. Try to see this as an opportunity to build your confidence about being on your own with your DD.

As PPs have said, just find other things to go to. Do you have a children's centre near you? We go to a lot of 'stay and play' sessions at ours and really love them. Do a bit of research to find out what's on in your area. You might find something you love.

And I agree with Wallis - don't worry too much about the leap thing. They have good days and bad days - just like us!

I agree with pps who have said library sessions - ours are only 1/2hr so if they aren't for you at least you're not stuck making small talk for hours! I've made friends at ours but plenty of parents leave straight after the session so there's not a massive pressure to chat.

So your DH is coming home at night? Not working away?
Just keep busy, do some things that you wouldn’t usually do. Go swimming, try a new baby group, go out for the day etc.
No idea what a ‘leap’ is though. Sounds like you are over thinking it.
I hated it when my parents first went away but DS was much younger and I had no DH so the thought of days without any adult interaction was daunting just try to break in up. Plan a couple of full days out then plan the other 3 mornings. Keep afternoons for naps and housework etc.

Your situation sounds just like mine! My parents live 5 mins away! However, I did meet up quite often with my NCT group which is lovely as you are all in the same boat. We also went to some stay and play groups which are really enjoyable and they have different toys for your baby to play with. You've said you are normally at your parents for the afternoon so try and get to groups in those times. You could also take your daughter swimming. Have a look and see if there are any courses you could join? E.G sing and sign, tumbletots, baby massage. This would give you regular time away from your parents and will make you more confident. I usually do bedtime with my DH but he was stuck in the snow on Thursday and by the time he got home our 3 year old was bathed, had had his story and was tucked up in bed. You will be fine, it will go quickly xxx

Yep I usually meet up with friends the days I'm not there, I guess what freaks me out is not having the option of going there. I know it sounds like a cop out but if DD is having a fussy day or week, I always know I can go there for support (even if I don't). It just helps mentally to know it's around. But I've made plans for each day DH is back at work and my parents are away so I'll let you know how I get on...