Get the baby to sleep: Mum v Dad

[HoneyWheeler]

I'm currently on maternity leave with my first baby, who thankfully is great sleeper at night but is shocking during the day. As I'm at home, obviously I am the one dealing with putting him to sleep for naps, and I put him down to sleep at night after a long feed.

My husband is a fab dad, very hands on and completely adores our DS. But when he is home, weekends and during this awful snowy weather, he struggles to get DS to sleep.

Partly I'm a bit of a control freak, so I want him to do it my way, but partly I feel like I've done it about a million times and I know that he won't fall asleep if you are holding him upright, or if you try and lay him down too awake etc. I feel like DH gets irritated with me for saying these things, and he says he has his own way of doing things. But then DS quickly gets overtired and starts screaming, which means DH gets frustrated and I get anxious.

I'm trying not to be too controlling, but I also feel like I know what I'm talking about, as I do it every day and I want him to listen to me! Perhaps I'm not communicating it properly and he's getting the hump.

Has anyone else experienced this before? How could I approach this situation better?

Let your husband find his own way.

I agree with Titty.
He’ll work it out in a way that works for him.

My husband can get our baby to sleep by walking about with him. I pretty much have to feed him. This is kind of useful, because it means we can both get him to rest when one of us fails (and the other one of us gets to go back to sleep).

Hello op, I think most new parents have experienced this!

I know your title is lighthearted, but first and foremost you guys need to work together, not in competition. It’s a real struggle for both of you, in different ways. You face this every day and have spent hours and hours trying to figure out the best way to do things, which is hard work, so frustrating when it feels like your experience and advice is ignored.
Meanwhile your partner no doubt wishes he had more hands on time, and would also like to feel that he is learning and achieving as a parent and that he is also able to find his own way to meet his child’s needs, just as you do.

Babies will often respond in different ways to different people. Is it at all possible for you to have a day or two out and leave them to it? Then your partner will either find his own way to settle baby, or learn that your routine is the one that works best for him too.

Yes would agree- let him crack on with it. Dd will behave differently for dh than she will for me- what works for me doesnt always work for him and vice versa. If something doesnt work, let him find out. Just use the time when he is putting DS to bed as a break!

Just leave them too it. What works for you might not work for Dad. We quickly realised that what DD responded to for me did not work when DH did it.

Let him find his way. You don't want to end up in a situation where you, and only you, can put DC to bed at night.

Let him find his own way - interestingly my DD settles way quicker for her dad than me so he tends to do night time routine now.. fine by me

Let him be a dad and get on with it. If the weather isn't too bad where you are then go for a walk to take the pressure off of you both. You will be grateful in a few months when he's good at it and you can both have a little break.

Let him figure it out and give him space to do this.

I think part of the issue is you don't see the dads role as an equal parent. I assume by 'hands on' you mean 'parents the child'. What would you think if someone referred to you as a 'hands on mum'?

A pretty consistent message so thanks all. I need to take a chill pill! I see him as hands on and I'd be quite happy to be described as a hands on Mum but I take your point! I see him totally as an equal parent but realistically he's not the primary career, I am!