Can't put baby down or sling her...

[Bea1985]

Hi, first time mum here so no idea if this just a phase, just looking for a little advice and support please wise ones!

I have a gorgeous and delightful 3 mo baby girl, I'm totally besotted with her.... But I don't think I can carry on as I am!

She and I are constantly attached, which is fine by me as I hate being away from her. She won't be put down without crying, cries in her baby gym after 2-3 mins (I sit right next to it).... I have to be carrying her, changing her nappy , feeding her or playing with her or she cries. A lot of the time she doesn't like her toys and prefers games where she lies on her back and I sing to her, touch her, make silly faces etc, at very close range. During the day she'll normally only sleep on me or in a moving pram. She's super adorable and still so young and I really don't mind any of this on itself.

During the night she will sleep in her next2me crib if I lie right next to the join. She always shuffles right up to the join on her side so we are right in each other's face (so cute)! She'll sleep for around 2 hours at a time, want feeding, and go back to sleep (which she would not do during the day)! So she does recognise night from day somewhat - we always have a star projector on and white noise playing , which I think tell her it's night time. I get a bit if sleep but not a lot (she's formula fed so I have to run downstairs and make a bottle each time) and I'm always shattered. But that's ok too.

The thing I've started struggling with is that she constantly needs to be held during the day, and nowadays is only content (ie not screaming) if I'm carrying her facing out, in my arms, and moving !

Until she was about 9 weeks she would be quite content in the moby wrap. She'd sleep and sometimes look around , but didn't often cry in it. She HATES it now, as well as the boba carrier - she hates facing onwards even if carried on my arms.

So unless I'm sat down with her asleep on me (like now) I have to be carrying her facing out (with both arms or I'm scared of dropping her) and walking around the house. That is, unless I'm pushing the pram or playing with/looking at her (even that she only tolerates in short bursts).

My arms and hands ache, my back aches, I'm so tired ... I struggle to prepare food And drinks, shower ... When it's not snowing, some days I've only managed to eat by pushing the pram with one hand And eating shop bought sandwich with the other.

I wish carrying babies in forward facing slings was not such a no no... I'm hoping to get a scootababy as soon as she's big enough (I pray to god she'll tolerate hip carrying). I did try a ring sling and she (for now anyway) seems to hate those too.

Am I doing something wrong ? Or is this normal and I'm just being a whinge bag?!

Sorry for length , didn't want to drip feed.

Please help!!!

Lots of typos as doing this on my phone... I hope it makes sense!

This doesn’t help a great deal at the moment, but the ergobaby 360 carrier can be worn outwards facing from 5 months while keeping baby’s legs at an ergonomic angle - my son is the same I can’t carry him In my arms for a long time without him wriggling around to see what’s happening and usually end up walking about with him under my arm like a rugby ball! Anyway, he loves facing out in the carrier, great for getting on with housework etc!

She sounds very much like my two were at that age. Don’t have any answers sorry apart from if you have a DP make sure he takes her out sometimes and gets some time with her while you get a sleep

I was just about to suggest a ring sling until I saw you'd tried one! Perhaps another try and make sure it's nice and tight and secure, maybe visit a sling library for more options? Forward facing carriers can be fine for short awake bursts (not great to sleep forward facing but fine for 20-30 mins awake in an ergonomic carrier).
Or a back carry once baby can sit unaided?
So much sympathy, I had a klingon too.

Forward facing carriers are not a massive no no but there are a number of “caveats” if you will. Babe needs to have very good head and trunk control, keep them facing out for short periods (20-30 mins max) and don’t let them fall asleep facing out.

I think the main point here is that she isn’t go to be irreparably damaged from a few minutes crying so you can administer some essential self care. You have to be able to prepare food/eat/go to the loo/shower etc. Crying in a sling is better than crying on the floor in my opinion. Talk softly to her while you are busy “mummy’s right here, I can pick you up in a minute, I know it’s scary when I put you down but I won’t let anything hurt you”.

I wish someone had told me this with my eldest. I had no choice which my 2nd when I had 2 under 2 and actually a lot of the time by the time I had finished dealing with DC1, DC2 has calmed right down and was content by herself on the floor it wherever I’d put her down.

Vibrating bouncy chair, leaving her in view of a washing machine that was on and white noise maker seemed to help her.

Sling refusal is likely a short phase too. Once they have better head control most are happy parent facing again as they can easily move their head around to see what’s going on. Mine both parent faced on my front (as well as back carries) until they were too big for me todo as I couldn’t see over their heads anymore (around 2 for my super tall babes).

Second the vibrating bouncy chair. Mine is worth its weight in gold and means i can sit down with a cup of tea while bouncing DS with my feet. He'll often fall asleep in it so that i can sneak away to the toilet too. It might take a little bit of getting used to, but persevere. Do the same with the baby gym.

I used outwards facing baby carriers at that age. DS seemed comfortable.

Oh and re bouncing chairs, we had a Baby Bjorn which does not vibrate but bounces really well, and Ds soon learned to bounce himself which was fun for him.

Put her down in a safe place and do what you need to do. Honestly, it’s ok! As long as she can see you and you’re speaking to her then it’s absolutely fine. The thought of all these Mums peeing with baby’s on their laps or not being able to have a drink is crazy.

You can tie a stretchy wrap and as soon as she has control of her own head, she can face out

Some great advice here. I would also add, please don't give up on putting her down. 2 or 3 minutes is not nothing and even if she only manages that much before you have to pick her up, she will get used to it over time.

DD2 is only 6 weeks and manages about 5 minutes in the crib downstairs when awake but that has built up from about 30 seconds a few weeks ago.

Plus, crying for a few minutes won't hurt her. You need to look after yourself too xx

We had an electric swing which was brilliant.
direct.asda.com/george/baby/bouncers-swings/graco-lovin-hug-swing/050314653,default,pd.html?cmpid=ppc--george--ggle-pla--OD07TOYS_HOBBIES---_-dskwid-s92700021990266184_dm&cwd=geo&cwf=pm&cwc=ppc-pla&gclid=Cj0KCQiAieTUBRCaARIsAHeLDCQm8QSb8ogD_VCzxDSlJGnV4CaAXep81AIFhyYMkFsFZCszWOf4GoQaAn9KEALw_wcB

You can get slightly cheaper versions too.

Thanks all, I will look into the swinging seats (she has a vibrating one but won't sit in it for long). I was so determined this morning I put her in the boba sling (she is very strong and wriggled and cried making it wry difficult). Once she was in she cried for maybe 5 mins , then had ten mins not crying while I did dishes and ate something, then cried again so I took her out.

Small victories though! I'll try her for another short burst in the sling tonight. Once snow clears I'm going to the local sling surgery for moral supprt if nothing else! I'm sure they'll be able to give me some things to try though.

Oh and thank goodness she slept for 2 x 3.5 hours last night - I feel like a different person today than yesterday! X