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Original poster

DH announced he’s bored

53 replies

Zazzleza · 01/03/2018 12:36

DH announced this morning that he’s bored of mundane routine.
He’s bored of talking about nothing but children.
I’m a SAHM and expecting our second baby so that has hit me to the core. Firstly I don’t think we talk about children all the time although it is quite a large part of our current life so inevitable.
He also said he is worried about how we will afford another child. Very odd considering we planned no.2 for at least 6months and he has a good job- we won’t be hard up. He feels he doesn’t get a chance to spend any money on himself and all he does is work.
I can’t help but feel he is blaming me for him feeling like this.
We are normally so “together” but I feel he resents me in the past few days. If he is bored of our life, there is little I can do about it.

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 01/03/2018 14:49

Well, at least he’s told you? Are you hurt because you feel he’s saying he’s bored of you? I think that’s what would bother me.

Ask him nicely what he would like to do about it? I say nicely because it’ll disarm him a bit I think.

StormTreader · 01/03/2018 14:53

"He is still able and still continues to do his hobbies. In fact he does everything he did pre-children."

Hmm, I wonder if you could get him more engaged with them? Take the first one out maybe so you can feed the baby in peace? I wonder if because hes not changed his life at all, he thinks you have it easy too and hes just funding you "sitting at home".

Original poster
Zazzleza · 01/03/2018 14:55

He didn’t say he was bored of me but that he was bored of the daily routine.
I guess I’m hurt because I didn’t realise our life was such a chore! We do a lot more than other couples I know do.

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CapnHaddock · 01/03/2018 14:58

"He has always made it very clear that he finds pregnant women unattractive"

Wow, what a prince among men Hmm

crackerjacket · 01/03/2018 14:59

I wouldn't care if he said he was bored (being a parent of young kids is boring IMHO) but the pregnant women are unattractive comment would bother me.

BrownTurkey · 01/03/2018 14:59

I too think that expressing a feeling, even one that is a bit selfish and immature, is not a bad thing to do. I wouldn’t jump in and try to fix it, but neither would I jump to the defence. It does depend though, you know him best. Can you open up the conversation ‘I was wondering what you were thinking about when you said you were a bit bored - what do you think would help you with that feeling?’

WildWindsBlowing · 01/03/2018 15:01

Maybe you could get back to work and share the load more evenly?
She is about to have a baby and already has another young child so the load is more than shared, on to the OPs shoulders, already!

If she out the new baby with a childminder or nursery it will cost at least £1000 pm after tax, that is without the other child. So there is no easy answer except not to have children.

Having said that, Dh may be tired, under stress at work, depressed or just long for just a little time together alone with his wife.

I hope you can talk about this together; and also try to go out together OP.

TheVeryThing · 01/03/2018 15:04

I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt initially as daily life with kids can feel like drudgery at times.
However, the fact that he had indicated that he finds pregnant women unattractive is concerning & makes him sound deeply unpleasant.
Normally I think it’s fine to have a moan to your partner about the frustrations of working & parenting but only if you acknowledge that they’re in the same boat.
In this case I’d be tempted to point out that his timing is awful & that he will be so busy when the new baby comes that he won’t have time to be bored.

Figgygal · 01/03/2018 15:04

There is a hell of a lot of projecting going on here I'm bored with the mundanity of Day to day living with jobs and kids But it doesn't mean I'm checking out of my marriage or eyeing up someone else. Sometimes it is same shit different day and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that though he should be coming up with ideas to change it if it is a problem for him.

AlwaysPondering · 01/03/2018 15:06

This could be something small.

At different times both DP and I have said we're bored. Usually when we're just in a bad, pathetic, but can't be arsed to do anything about it mood. It might not be towards you.

Once you feel less sensitive about it talk to him about it.

raisedbyguineapigs · 01/03/2018 15:13

If he's still doing his hobbies he is spending time and money on himself. Who isn't bored by the daily routine? That's why it's called a daily routine!

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 01/03/2018 15:29

The time to say this is not when you have a pg wife and a small child. So for that alone, I think he is being a cock. Wtf is she supposed to do with that information? It's not like she can suddenly make everything more fun!
I would remind him that he is getting a pretty good deal if he is still doing everything he did pre kids. I bet you are not!
Also if you are still getting payments from your previous job and doing childcare and are pg, I'd say you are more than pulling your weight and he should be a damn site more appreciative.
Maybe he has had his head turned, but I wouldn't put up with any crap from him now.

CapnHaddock · 01/03/2018 15:48

Some people here are going to start telling the OP to freshen herself up in advance of him getting home and making sure she doesn't bore him with the mundanity of their daily routine in a minute 

@Zazzleza - you should be furious with him. You're expecting a second -planned for - child and he's telling you you're boring and unattractive and that your baby will be a drain on his fun resources. Why hasn't his life changed since you had your first child? How much of the day to day care does he do? How much time does he spend on his hobbies?

He sounds like a petulant teenager and you sound scared 😟

geekymommy · 01/03/2018 15:58

And he expects YOU to do something about it?! You could do what my mother would have done if I had told her I was bored- assign him some chores! That's what I'm doing now when DCs say they're bored- they can clean up some of their toys if they need something to do.

I caught on to this when I was a kid, and found things to do and didn't bother my mother about being bored. As I understand it, most kids of my generation and previous generations did, too. If we figured it out as kids, he can figure it out as an adult.

AfterSchoolWorry · 01/03/2018 16:01

Sounds like his head has been turned.

Tralalee · 01/03/2018 16:05

Sounds like his head has been turned
Jesus. Maybe he's worried and scared. You need to talk to each other.

SleepingInYourFlowerbed · 01/03/2018 16:12

I get bored by the constant churn of the routine with our small children. I've told my partner that when I'm feeling it. It doesn't mean anything but what it says. I just try to make sure I get some time to do something a bit different when I feel like that

AnyFucker · 01/03/2018 16:34

I don't like the sound of him

What is he doing to keep family life from being humdrum if he still gets to act like a fancy free bloke with these "hobbies" ?

And who takes up the childcare slack to facilitate him ? Does he do the same for you ?

Sounds like another classic example of the person giving least to a relationship respects it the least

Lollypop701 · 01/03/2018 18:07

May not have his head turned.... might be looking at the young, single people at work and missing the maddness. Raising a young family is fairly mundane tog. My husband doesn’t find pregnant attractive... his head wasn’t turned when I had our 2 children. he loved me. He did miss us getting tipsy together too... I did. He’s probably letting off steam... ask him, let him know that you do too?

ferrier · 01/03/2018 18:27

Depression perhaps?

Ilovecamping · 01/03/2018 18:30

MY other said he was bored once to me , I told him I wasn’t put on this planet to keep him entertained, never said it again.

thetellingerror · 01/03/2018 18:36

My ex followed this script and systematically made everything my fault before announcing he wasn’t in love with me. This happened after I was going through a series of bereavements. I don’t have any answers but I recognised the tone of what he said to me in your original post

justanotheruser18 · 01/03/2018 20:14

Brilliant.
What a great thing to throw out there when you're pregnant with the second.
That game takes two to play as far as I recall.
I suppose it's fine for him to express his feelings.
He's probably missing you and your old life.
Maybe you could schedule a date night? :/

justanotheruser18 · 01/03/2018 20:18

Ps I don't think you need be suspicious of him. It's a shitty time of year. Dark and cold and it all feels relentless. Be open with him about your feelings. You need to be together or this could break you apart.

And yeh he works a lot but so do you and you don't get to take your work clothes off at the end of a long day. You mum 24/7.

isthistoonosy · 01/03/2018 20:37

We say this to each other quite a lot, we also suggest to each other what we can do (alone or together) and come up with our own ideas (of course).
But I guess the important part is it is a two way conversation and we don't expect the other person to solve our issues.

What would he say if you told him you are bored - bored of being home with the kids when they are whiney, bored of being pregnant, bored of no sex (assuming), bored of not talking to adults, bored of being primary career and responsible for the home and family etc etc.

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