3yo wont eat meals

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I'm getting very stressed out, I cook a variety of things from home made roast dinner, to mild curry and cooked brunch.. but my daughter won't touch it! My 1 year old isn't this bad! I do desert after like I always have, which I try to keep healthy like fruit or yoghurt and is sometimes a great like ice cream or custard, I haven't changed how I do things and this never used to be a problem.

I did wonder if she was holding out for desert but even if I take that away she doesn't want it and I have to offer her smaller things later like toast else she would starve..

At nursery she eats all or most of her dinner unless it's something she doesn't like but home it's a struggle for her to even try something, she eats less and less and when she does it's usually picking at a few mouth fulls if that.

I've tried every approach, explaining what it all is, trying myself, praising her sister for eating so that she does it for praise too, praising when she does eat.. I don't want to be telling her off and making meals traumatic so I avoid that, but even if I do try that it makes no difference.

It is very stressful for everyone, I worry about her being hungry, I know it's behavioural but I don't know why.

Also, our house isn't big enough for table and chairs but the girls do have their own wooden table and chairs in the living room to eat at. The only meal that isn't a battle is breakfast. All thoughts welcome 💖

I did wonder if she was holding out for desert but even if I take that away she doesn't want it and I have to offer her smaller things later like toast else she would starve..

I’ve had an extremely fussy DD. My first advise would be to stop offerijg alternatives. It’s fine if she refuses a meal. Some children eat like birds for days then eat everything in sight, others are more constant. If she doesn’t eat, just clear away when everyone else has finished, don’t comment on what she has or hasn’t eaten and if she is hungry later, just offer back the same meal.

I think I'll have to hold out more yeah, I just didn't want to be doing more harm than good by her being hungry.. and sometimes the meal is something that once gone cold, wouldn't be very nice once heated up for a few seconds,

Was thinking of asking the nursery for advice too cus she eats fine there!

I think at 3 it’s fine to let her go a little hungry. If you think she’s getting to hungry could you offer a very small amount of fruit as a snack? Giving toast will just impact on the next mealtime.

I've spent over three years stressing about meal times with my daughter.
If she's eating at nursery I'd suggest she's picking up in your anxiety. Possibly using it to get attention?
She's probably at a child sized table and chairs at nursery. Make sure there's a footstool or something so her feet aren't dangling.
Offer what ever you're having plus a 'safe' food that you know she likes. Sometimes for s this is even just bread and butter on the table for the family that she can choose her self so she has a bit of control.
Don't comment or cajole, take all the attention off meal times. If she eats nothing, clear away after a set time, I use when the adults have finished. Then offer a pudding. If she's not eaten, supper before bed will ensure she's not hungry overnight.
It might take a while for her to trust the process and relax into it.

What we did that worked was we ate the same things at the same time (at least as much as possible). I had her help me with cooking from probably 22 months. There was no pudding (fruit or yogurt) unless she ate her main (or at least tried everything if it was more than she could finish). And with rare exception, like when she was sick or teething, I never offered alternatives. If she didn’t want to eat, she waited until the next snack/meal or she had her usual cup of milk before bed. That sorted it in about a month. There were meals when she ate nothing but then she made up for it the next meal and tried new things or ate what she might otherwise have refused.