Sick of daughter’s behaviour

[Xansaf]

My daughter will be one next month and quite honestly in the last week or so has become an absolute demon. So much so I hate looking after her. She screams at the drop of a hat, sometimes for no reason that I can see, fights and fussed in her highchair, throwing more food than she eats, screams and thrashes when being changed, Washed or dressed, has been biting me and her dad and throws a tantrum at any little thing (such as me taking her away from the fireplace or taking something off her that she shouldn’t really have)

I don’t know what to do! I try saying “no” firmly, I try ignoring the tantrumming but it’s getting worse by the day. I’ve only just got over a fear of taking her out because she used to create in the pushchair and now I’m back to square one and daren’t go anywhere because her behaviour will just show us both up.

She's just one, so the first thing to remember is that she has no idea how her behaviour is impacting on you. She really doesn't understand at that age. Which means she isn't doing this on purpose to upset you. I find it easier if I keep that in mind! Secondly if her behaviour has changed dramatically or suddenly could she be in pain or coming down with something? Has anything changed in her diet or routine? Have you changed washing powder or conditioner recently, could her clothes be aggravating her? Is she getting enough sleep? It might be worth a trip to the Gp to get her checked out if it's a sudden change, as she might be trying to tell you something.

Hang in there, like I said she isn't doing this on purpose. And you will get through it!

I also have a 1 year old and the behaviour you describe is similar to my little one. It’s perfectly normal. At 1 they’re too little too fully understand and are just learning still. Ds will scream really high pitched and I have been putting my hand on his mouth and saying no...whether this will work or not I don’t know yet. He’s also taking to flicking food across the kitchen with his spoons. What I have noticed is ds has a couple of new teeth coming in and maybe your little one could have possibly too? This always affects his mood quite abit.

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Also if anybody judges you by your 1 year old’s behaviour the issue is really with that person and not you. I find when I go to the shops most people understand, there’s usually always a toddler crying in one place or another. It’s a tough age for the little ones.

absolute demon. So much so I hate looking after her.

It amazes me that people think of their children like this and expect them to be perfect little angels.

Absolutely normal developmental stage usually borne out of frustration at wanting to do things but not yet being able/allowed.

She's doing what babies do. Normal and expected.

The only thing you can do at this age is use distraction techniques. Try to redirect her attention to something else. I don't mean to be rude, but you seem to be taking her behaviour very personally. She is just a baby, she isn't meant to know how to behave yet, she is just starting to learn. Are you feeling ok otherwise? It just seems quite a strong reaction to normal baby behaviour.

To echo stormwhale's post, OP are you alright?

If you are struggling to cope with your little one, there are various support services out there you could look into such as Positive Parenting or Triple P parenting. Depending on where you are your health visiting team may be able to refer you?

Do you have anyone who could take your daughter out for the day & give you a few hours rest? Being a parent is really tough especially when they're going through a particularly difficult/fussy phase. A grandparent or your husband/partner? It's amazing what a few hours by yourself can do & everyone needs a day off! You will probably have a clearer head & more patience to deal with the tantruming when she returns. Please don't beat yourself up either... everyone loves their children dearly but they can really try you sometimes! Take a break mama! You deserve it!

Op,, sorry I have no advice, but that sounds so waring.
Any chance of some time off for you?
Don't jet this put you of going out, anyone who judges a one year old doesn't haveAn opinion that counts.
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From your thread title I thought she was about 13! Your baby isn’t doing it on purpose; she's just a baby, and that's what babies do. Have you got anyone IRL to talk to?

She's a toddler. They get into stuff that they shouldn't, and they scream when you take it away.

Is there a way you can keep her away from the fireplace and keep stuff that she shouldn't have out of her reach? I put up a baby gate around my fireplace when DD was little to keep her at a safe distance. You should be keeping stuff she shouldn't have in a place where she can't get it, for everybody's sake.

Toddlers throw tantrums. People who see you with her in public either understand this, or they don't.

If they don't, they are ignorant. Any opinions they have of your parenting are at best uninformed. You don't need to worry about what they think, since they don't know what they are talking about.

If they do, they will understand if she has a tantrum. Any judgment on you will be for stuff like your reaction to the tantrum.

Do the tantrums come at a particular time, or in response to a particular circumstance? Look for a pattern. If you find one, then you might be able to figure out what is causing the tantrums. Is she hungry or tired when they happen? Then don't let her get that hungry or tired. Young toddlers have small stomachs- they need to eat frequently. They need regular naps. They act like demons when they don't get those things, just like some older people get snappish and cranky when they're hungry or tired.

Upsideup - thanks for being unhelpful.

Everyone else thank you for the responses. I was having a shocking day when I wrote this but it still rings true. It just feels like her behaviour is worse than usual but maybe that’s my perception that everyone else’s kids seem better behaved, better sleepers, more sociable etc.

I’m fine. I have no PPD which seems to have been suggested above. I’m not really sure I’d get the time of day from any support services. Even my HV doesn’t give a monkey’s about us. I think because we are a high income family, they don’t think we need any support and pretty much ignore us if we ask for anything, so I gave up asking.

I do have people IRL I COULD talk to but I kind of don’t like to share my problems. I like to present a front that I’ve got my sht together so when things go wrong I’d rather not let anyone know.

Have you got a Home-start group near you? They can offer confidential support in a non-judgemental way.
(For what it's worth, everybody has difficult days. It's hard when your allocation is all bunched-up together though..)

Definitely don't put off going out. No one will judge you for a one year old acting up - we've all been there! - and you might find that she's better behaved when she's out and about and distracted. Sometimes my DD just gets bored with home and me (imagine!) and seems to kick off, but cheers right up if we go off to do some sort of activity.

I also find it helps to really clock when she's moved to a different developmental stage and remind myself that she needs something different from me now. I don't know if that makes sense but when she got more active, and I was still 'babying' her, she found it frustrating and needed me to help her to be more active. So I'm always on the lookout for these changes and how I need to adjust my style. (Which can be hard cos it means mourning the end of what might have been a lovely stage before! )

Why not try some resources to help you feel a bit calmer when she is anything but calm? You could try Calm Parents, Happy Kids. I have a nearly 10 mo myself and definitely struggle with the shouting and screaming. I've been looking at various resources around gentle parenting and it really helps to accept that it isn't a matter of deliberate misbehaviour but rather exploration and natural frustration as others have said. It's easier said than done though.