Smoking

[splishsplosh35]

My dad is a smoker and when my lb was born I told him about the advice we'd been given about smokers - obv. not to smoke around him, but also to wash hands and change clothes before they hold him. He wasn't too happy about it but he did follow the advice for the first couple of weeks at least. Then he said he couldn't be bothered and just wouldn't hold him.
He and my mum don't come to our house a lot, well at all really, so if i want them to see their grandchild I have to take him there. I have asked my dad not to smoke while we're there, however he did on one occassion and I just got my things together and left. We did not see them for around 2 months when my lb was 3-5 months old. My family made me feel as though I was being unkind by not taking my lb round. I now do take him round on the understanding that my dad does not smoke while we're there. My lb is nearly 9 months old and mum would now like to have him for an hour a week so she can 'get to know him'. I am unsure about this, I would rather she came to my house and I would go out but she won't (she has stomach problems and is embarrassed about using a bathroom that is not her own). I was reading the guidance in the red book the other day and it clearly says 'ensure your child is cared for in a smoke free environment' and talks about the toxins they can pick up from the floor when crawling. I would love my mum and dad to have a relationship with my lb like the one they have with my nephew (they have him for a whole day once a week at their house) but not at the detriment of his health. I worry that if I bring this up again I risk completely ruining the relationship I have with them which is already fragile, but how can I leave my lb there knowing the dangers. Am I overreacting? What are your rules about smoking environments and your children?
Sorry for the long post. TIA xx

I wouldn’t say you are overreacting at all and you have the evidence to back up what you are saying.

Smoking is a life choice by your father and not your LB please don’t feel that you should put him in a situation where you are uncomfortable or unhappy.

I would just kindly reiterate that you don’t want your LB in that environment because of the dangers to his health. I mean it’s not like it’s ‘new’ evidence that ‘suggests’ it might be harmful!

I’m guessing your parents probably feel like you are perhaps criticising them or something but just try to be as kind and firm with them as you can so as not to have to go through this with them again.

It is hard on your parents and sad they aren’t building a relationship but they choose to live in a smoke polluted environment.

I would have thought your mother could come to you - is she really that embarrassed to,use her own daughters lavatory? Since you know about her ‘problem’ can she not just open the lavatory window and clean up? How often would she need to go in an hour?
Does she never leave her house?

She only goes out when she has to. I've tried so many times to get her to come round, I've suggested so many different things. It's been this way for years so will be a difficult thing to change. I think, because I know this, she thinks me not taking him round is me trying to stop them from seeing him, which couldn't be further from the truth. I believe she is agrapgobic and suffers with OCD so there's a lot more to it than her stomach problems but she will not discuss it.

All you can do is reassure her that you really are not keeping her grandson from her or your father and it really is just the health implications that is preventing you from bringing him round.

It’s sad that they don’t seem to be very accommodating, especially as this isn’t about something trivial.