Gina Ford (or any other) method and its successful method implementation?

[LadyRenoir]

I'm a new mum, so please forgive a daft question.

This is not meant to be a criticism of a method- this or others, I know some will work for certain babies and no others. I am just wondering how members went around implementing it if they worked for them.

I am currently at 8 weeks (ff baby) exhausted, tired and feeling very lonely. A friend has recommended the book, and so I got a copy to read. The method seems quite strict, which is the whole point.

But I have spent most f the the last 8 weeks cooped up in the living room/bedroom, and I am really desperate to venture out and spend more time outside. So I suppose my question is- how did people go about using any method that uses time specifics and marry it with being outside, whether going to the park, playgroups, shopping, for a coffee? I have been going to the local soft play (where my baby is too little to do anything, as they sleep most of the time), but this is meant to be the time baby sleeps.

I am of course aware that you will need to change certain elements of it to suit your needs, but I am just wondering how did people go about those changes to implement the method, but still be able to do other stuff.

I ended up a prisoner in my own home with dc1. I spent hours a day under a baby, rocking a baby, feeding a baby, wondering how the fuck I'd ever Go Out. Then when I had dc2, I had an older child who had to be taken to and collected from school, to clubs and hobbies, on play dates etc. DC2 lived in the sling for 18 months and we got on with it. It certainly wasn't without its challenges but his routine was led by family life and everybody's needs. Our lives didn't stop because they couldn't. I fed on buses and in playgrounds and on benches and in churchyards. And on and on... Ditto changing nappies.

It sounds so simple now but sometimes you need to look at it in terms of what you want/need to do and fit the baby round that. Otherwise you end up feeling trapped and tethered to a strict schedule. If you'd like a routine, perhaps base it round the needs of you AND your baby, not on a book which can't account for individual needs.

Oh @LadyRenoir I feel for you! I spent ages worrying about routine and too worried about going outside with my baby as he had reflux, was very unsettled and was very easily distracted so would find it hard to sleep out and about.

I looked at GF and other routines and felt completely bewildered - was everyone else's baby conforming to these routines? Was mine broken?! He would only nap for 30 minutes at a time and spent most of his awake time screaming until he was 10 weeks. I was also on my own all day most days with no family nearby and all my friends at work. Eventually I sucked it up and tried to do the best with what I'd been given.

Things that may help:

• Researching the maximum awake times for a baby by age. As babies get older they can stay awake for longer but at 8 weeks I'd suggest you let your baby nap as often as possible. A well rested baby will find it easier to fall and stay asleep. I found the sleep board on here very useful.
• Feed your baby at home, put him in the sling, give him a dummy and go for a walk in the park. If he falls asleep, fantastic! If he cries, he cries, but at least you both get some fresh air.
• Have a bottle ready to whip out if you need to and a place in mind to sit and feed. My baby used to scream during feeds and I avoided feeding him in public for ages. Eventually I discovered that people weren't the monsters I'd made them out to be and would often offer to carry him round a café while I ate etc.
• Buy a swing if you can/don't already have one. It took a few tries for him to get used to it but my baby loved the upright seating position and gentle swinging motion. He would often nap in the swing while I dozed on the sofa.
• The idea that an 8 week old can "play" for 2 hours is ridiculous. Gina Ford does not have a clue. 5-10 minutes is good going at this age.
• I found feeding smaller amounts more regularly helped. It was a pain to begin with but once I'd got used to preparing a bottle every 2-3 hours rather than every 4 it was fine and my baby seemed happier.

Most of all please try to get out of the house!

Please feel free to PM me even just to offload if you want. I've recently moved to an area where I don't know anyone either so am desperate to talk to people!

I won't get into a debate on whether GF works but I just wanted to say what your experiencing is very normal for an 8 week old and people really won't judge you if they cry when your out of the house. Try a baby massage class where you can meet other new mums and would help with colic/reflux

Hello. Just to say a much better book which sets out how to implement a (flexible) routine (and gives amazing advice about reflux) is The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan By Alison Scott Wright. I really recommend it.

I'd be carefull/take some of the advice in 'The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan'

A midwife has said this about it

this book goes a step beyond tips on how to set routines and sleep patterns, it goes against government advice...advice that is based on years of research and since being implemented has seen the numbers of SIDS cases drop. If you follow this book you are drastically increasing the risk of cot death, malnutrition, weight loss and psychological damage to your baby! Despite being a midwife I have found breastfeeding a challenge to say the least and this book completely undermines everything I have achieved in the last 8 weeks....shameful book, shouldn't be allowed on the market!

I would like to thank you all for the lovely advice, it made me feel so much better reading them. I felt like I was massively failing and doing what's best for him and not conforming to the outlined routine, and watching happy mums on youtube saying how their babies have slept through the night since the very beginnings, etce etc.

I think from what we noticed, our baby is not doing a lot of things other babies his age are doing, he is a bit behind in development (maybe because he was slightly premature), can't cope being on his own, so I carry him in a sling everywhere which works (however, him hanging around in a playmat for longer than 10 seconds on his own stresses him out, he is not even yet interested in the toys). He is such an adorable baby, and it hurt me to go through the routine for the first three days, seeing as he was tired/hungry at all the 'wrong' moments, and I could not fill in the long times when he was awake with GF suggestions. He hates baths for now, or anything else that requires taking clothes off, so the evening routine did not work much either, just made him tired from crying...
Plus he wakes up often at night for cuddles or small comfort feeds, which I hope he will grow out of.
I will adapt it into something else, and come back when he matures a bit more and cries less, and is in general a bit happier, maybe it will work better.

The problem we have been having with feeds is that we are worried we have been potentially overfeeding him, and we thought a routine would be good to make sure he does not end up being an obese baby (one or two weeks he was having extra 150 ml a day!)

@Married3Children - He does not seem to have any other symptoms other than reflux, no skin allergies no diarrhoea, the doctor prescribed gaviscon which constipated him and did nothing else. GP adamant not to give any other medication, but referred us to hospital, which should happen soon enough

@spacepoodle - yours sounds exactly like mine, and the same situation . My partner tries to help in the evenings, but I'm taking most of of the pressure. I am desperate to make things better for the baby and myself, so that we enjoy the time together more, but the idea of him crying his head off in a cafe or wherever feels me with dread. I think this is why I have been avoiding outings with local mums, but need to motivate myself to go out and do something and get the baby spend more time in fresh air.
Will definitely PM you at one point, thank you for the offer :)

I think routine is good for both of you, but find a routine that works for you - follow your baby’s cues. I strongly believe the more a baby sleeps the better they sleep - so no need to think about tiring them out as such at this stage. If you can get you baby to nap in the pram (or sling) so much the better because then you can get out and do stuff, but it’s also good if they learn to nap in their cot because then you get a bit of time to yourself at home to put your feet up or whatever. Most importantly have confidence in yourself as your baby’s mother - no one knows your baby better than you do and you get to each other better and better with each day that passes. Routine is good, but work out your own - no two babies are the same just as no two mothers are the same.

Instead of following GF’s routine make your own. Note down roughly the times the baby feeds and sleeps and try and then follow that pattern. And have a routine for yourself. So wake up at the same time every day no matter how bad the night was. Hand baby to dh, have a shower and tea and toast and get baby into fresh clothes. And get DH to make you a sandwich for lunch. Then go with the flow, feed when he’s hungry and naps when he needs to. Then at a set time (roughly) head out for a walk. Maybe twice a day. Soon that will become a routine. Then again roughly at the same time in the evening have a routine. If he doesn’t like a bath then massage and wipe with a warm flannel, night clothes, the same book every night and then fed in dim light. And then keep him in dim light/darkness till the morning.

That way YOU have a routine rather than following someone’s routine who has never met your baby.

Also as the mum of a 26 weeker who is now one and bang on target for milestones, be patient and he will catch up.

Op, it would help you to manage and change your expectations. Your baby is tiny still and a lot of the things you are trying to fix are not problems at all they are normal for little babies.
-Wanting to be held all of the time is normal
-Frequent feeding is normal, long stretches between feeds is very unusable. Feeding during the night is not just for comfort at this age, it's for nutrition because tiny babies have tiny stomachs. Night wakings will be normal for a very long time yet.
-The amounts on the side of the tin of f are guidelines only. Feed on demand and your baby will not become obese.
-Not playing with toys is normal at this age.

• There is no 'wrong time' for a baby to be hungry or tired, they just are so respond to their cues.

Getting out of the house can be really daunting but I would really recommend a baby massage course or similar (do you have a children's centre nearby?). I did one with ds and there were 8 babies, all of which at some time or other screamed, cried, pooed, suicked or needed to be fed. No in minds because it's all so normal!!

I chucked my GF book out after two weeks. It made me so stressed.

Little babies just want to be with mum or dad. At about 12 weeks mine started to "play". Before then just taking them out the house to the park or to shops is enough -slings are brilliant for this. The whole world is new for them so it's all exciting. Yy to baby massage if you can find a class

I agree with InDubiousBattle. Everything you've said is normal for a baby they want to be close to you all the time, they need to feed frequently and on demand, they aren't really interested in toys yet (just need you to talk to them etc), and they are suppose d to wake at night (my son wakes up 3 or 4 times, sometimes more at 5months). It will get easier and as he gets older you will start to see his own routine.

If you are keen on having a routine then I recommend Tracey Hogg and her EASY routine: eat, activity, sleep, you.
Basically feed baby, activity at this stage may be 5 mins on a playmat or even just blowing raspberries at him! Then sleep. The ‘you’ refers to doing something for you; could be a shower, sit and have a cup of tea or empty dishwasher while the baby is sleeping.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to do loads of jobs.
She suggests doing it every 3 hours which worked for my first. At 4 months approx she suggests trying for very 4 hours. The timings didn’t work for my second child but still followed the basic structure which helped me enormously, I kind of knew that she would follow the eat, activity, sleep structure but at times that suited her.

I got DD onto a routine at 8 weeks and it worked well for us. I read several baby books including Gina Ford and I took bits and pieces of advice from different places (e.g. EASY from Tracy Hogg, nappy free time from Gina Ford, etc).

Gina Ford's routines are basically targeted at maximising night time sleep and getting it as close to 12 hours as possible. If you are happy to compromise (and - say - accept 10-11 hours:), you can allow for much more flexibility.

In my case, when it came to daily schedule, I tried to prioritise the lunch time nap in the cot and nearly always had the morning (9-10am) and afternoon (4-5pm) naps on the go (pram/sling). I went to quite a few baby groups in the morning and did shopping/caught up with friends in the afternoon. Over the weekend, DH and I used to deviate from the routine and regularly go out for lunch (with DD sleeping in the pram). During the week, I could generally count on the lunch time nap as "me time" and often did Fitnessblender home workouts in the living room.

The specific part of the advice that worked for me is not feeding to sleep (a so called EASY approach - feeding on waking). It is a personal choice - as you can see from the Sleep board, a lot of people are very happy with feeding to sleep and it is absolutely fine as long as it works for them. I had to come up with alternative settling mechanisms (shush/pat) and while it was hard in the beginning, it has worked really well afterwards (and is still working now when DD is 13 months).

In summary, baby books can be useful as long as you do not take them too seriously and focus on those recommendations that make sense for you and your family.

It is entirely normal for young babies to wake and feed at night, even a small amount or need to be held.

I am not sure your expectations for a baby are realistic.

I’ve just loosely started following a routine with baby at 3 months, don’t think he would have really followed one before now and so trying would probably have stressed me out! I’m using Little Ones it’s great, less strict, gentle and sensible. But still not doing as many of the naps indoors though maybe I should! I try to do 1/2 of 3 naps indoors and also when I’m out I try to use white noise for the nap on the push chair instead of rocking. Not sure if I’m doing the right thing but I would go mad if we had to stay in all day every day!

Ps just to add that my friend also did Little Ones (look it up on Facebook btw) and advised the key thing is the self settling which I completely agree with. The methods are really gentle but started fairly early. I started them at about 11 weeks and my LO is already sometimes taking himself off to sleep. I cpuld be jinxing it all here but so far it seems to be working even though I’m not sticking fully
to the routine (he often sleeps in the car no matter what the schedule says!!)

OP one thing my paed suggested was to try to get the baby to drink as much milk as she is able to during the day, and then when she is ready she will sleep through the night (but she won’t before she’s ready and no point trying cry it out etc - if she wakes up hungry at 1 am I will feed her no matter what routine I’m following).

So paed suggested starting afresh each morning at 7 am - forget what has gone on the night before and then feed every 3 hours. In our case (because I’m a bit lazy) we feed at 8, 11, 2, 5. Then it all goes a bit wonky and fidgety depending on her mood - so a bath, try to get dinner, and general chaos until DH is home, daddy cuddle time, more feeding, and finally hopefully bed at 11.

And she usually wakes twice at night (2ish and 5ish). This is at 10.5 weeks. I tried gF at 8 weeks but just didn’t work for her. All the endless “let him have a good kick on his Playmat from 9 till 10”. There is no way my dd would do that! Now she plays for 20-30 mins at a time, but a few weeks ago it was 5-10 mins max.

Every baby is different, and a routine makes sense when you’re faced with endlessly chaotic days, but is likely to just make you more stressed not less!