I feel so guilty for shouting at 16 month old

[laked]

I'm ill and DS just getting over same illness but still
Not 100%. He's been whingey all day, deliberately doing things that he knows he's not meant to then having screaming tantrums when I stop him. Everything is a battle.

I just dressed him after his bath and came downstairs to read to him and he was throwing a strop because I was trying to pick him up and I picked him up and shouted for god's sake or something like that really loud near his face. He cried and looked so scared. I then cuddled him loads and said sorry whilst crying. I feel absolutely awful. I'm sill crying now.

My mum was very aggressive and had anger issues when I was little and I remember feeling scared of her and I always told myself I wouldn't be like her when I have kids and I have shouted just like she would. I feel so terrible

At 16 months he absolutely is not deliberately doing anything he is not supposed to. It may seem that way but 100% he is not.

That said we all have shitty days and you need to forgive yourself, don't do it again and move on. Next time go in a different room, count to ten, walk away....

Your mum may have been aggressive but you have realised it was wrong and I bet you won't do it again. So you aren't like your mum. Forgive yourself and promise not to do it again.
I too have a mum with anger issues and have had to stop myself saying something that she would.
Give your child a massive cuddle. I bet they have forgiven you already!!

Oh sweetheart one minor flip-out doesn't make you anything like your mum.

My mum was aggressive, abusive and liked to scream in our faces. I have no contact with her now. The thought of her still makes my insides curl. She was NEVER sorry, she NEVER cuddled us or responded to our fear with anything but more bullying, more anger and sometimes even glee.

There are parents who are quite vocal and shouty but also very affectionate and loving and have generally noisy households. There are families where nobody EVER loses their temper, but the atmosphere is cold and threatening. Then there are normal families like yours, where mum adores her baby and he knows it, but occasionally things get on top of her and she loses her shit a bit, because she's human and she's exhausted and babies are really, really hard work.

Chalk it up to experience, give him another big cuddle and forgive yourself. You don't have to be always looking in the mirror to make sure you haven't turned into your mother. You're a completely different person

Thank you so much for your kind messages. He has been doing things we say no to and he kept doing it probably to get my attention more than anything as I've been so not there today as feeling crap. I gave him lots of kisses and cuddles and he's now fast asleep. I will def remove myself from the room next time.

When he wakes up he will have forgotten all about it

Look after yourself. It's OK to have crap days, as long as he's warm and fed sometimes that's good enough - youre not a machine.

The difference between you and your mum is, you know you were wrong to shout at your kid, and you're making plans to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Laked there is a terrible twos threenager thread that the mums are all super supportive on. I know it's a tad early but my wee one definitely hit terrible two prematurely lol. They have helped me so much as I had a very abusive upbringing and was struggling at points not too be shouty as it's my go to when stressed and at breaking point. You are not a bad mum as pp have said you recognise this was not parenting & you were caught on a bad day. Maybe take some time out and do something nice for yourself once you feel a bit better. Hope you both feel better soon

Thank you mustang I will have a look. I do feel he has some terrible two behaviour at times, he has kicking and screaming tantrums if he doesn't get what he wants. A lot of my nct friends are shocked when they see it. I think he is quite feisty personality wise and has always been quick tempered.

I hate myself for acting how my mum used to. She would never have apologised or thought she was in the wrong so at least that is something.