Pre school - bullying

[Ifonly4oneday]

I am writing to request advice from other mums, what you would class as bullying and when to take a step back?

DS will be 5 in April. He is shorter than many kids in his class, he is also very popular with a lot of the other kids as he is sociable and freiendly. I attended a party and although he smiled throughout, I saw him playing nice with everyone but A taller boy felt the need to chase him and constantly whack balloons over his head like drumsticks, chase him, pick him up and carry him about and he would run to me, To the point, I had to ask DS “do you not want to play the game that (name) wants to play? And DS replied “no mummy” when the boy yet again came over and did the balloon thing I intervened, “I don’t think DS wants to play this game”
I actually had to intervene a few times and spoke to his mother briefly too. She advised me that she doesn’t feel her son was being mean as he always speaks well of my DS. I replied that I was not saying that her DS was being mean as such, but I can see that my DS is not comfortable playing the games that her DS wants to play.

I have always been a parent that speaks to my DC about personal space and how not to expect other children to play what they want all the time. Also, not to feel like he has to play games that others want him to play! It seemed to me that the games were very much one sided with this particular boy and my DS looked unsettled, whilst trying to smile throughout.

I realise I am probably being completely over protective but I just felt so uneasy. It’s so difficult as I don’t know if the other boy is drawn to DS because he is smaller and he likes the almost frightened reaction he gets, which in my head, is how bullying begins? Or if it’s just that he likes him and he is a bit rougher than DS.

I will add, DS never talks about the boy as a friend and he is very vocal about his friends, that name is never mentioned.

The thing I dread the most about my DC starting school is the bullying factor! How do we prepare our kids for this?

Hmm not nice to watch, and I found it's great to teach our kids these personal space things but not everybody else does!

Your DS sounds like he needs help in being assertive in protecting his own boundaries.

Teach him how to express respectfully to others what he doesn't want/like/isn't happy with. And then to tell an adult if they're ignoring him (at this age).

And he doesn't need to smile through something he doesn't like! Firstly because he doesn't need to and secondly because it's not conveying to the other person that he's not enjoying this game.

Thank you for your reply 😊 yes, It was upsetting to see him smiling when I knew deep down he felt sad. Yes I have told him he should say no or speak to an adult. I totally agree that I need to speak to the DC about showing their feelings and being more assertive! As I say he has lots of friends and one of the them bolted at the other child and knocked him over and my thoughts were he was looking out for DS. And other boy looked sad which was then quite a shame. I suppose these are just the things that go on. x

Your DS sounds identical to mine. I also worry! I'm hoping his confidence and sociability will help prevent him being picked on due to his size. He gets on great at pre-school but I know primary will be a different kettle of fish.

It’s so hard isn’t it 😩 I would like to hear some stories from mummy’s that have been in our position and how their DS are getting on now. I bumped into a mum of a child that DS went to playgroup with yesterday, She said her DS who is now in PRimary 1 has been bullied for having a Thomas the tank vest on from a boy supposed to be a friend. The school has dealt with it seemingly but to think children of that age would make fun of another child for what they are wearing.

The one thing I have done is be really strict with how he treats other kids. Luckily he is very empathetic so it's been quite easy, but he knows very well what is mean behaviour or too rough etc and knows it's important to tell someone to stop, or get a grown-up. My proudest moment was his second day of pre-school when he stopped a 'herd of boys' being mean to a girl and pushing her. It's useful to be able to identify clearly what is right and what's not and, despite his size, he's quite able to advocate for himself with words.