My son and his dad

[lifesteeth]

Just had a heart to heart with my 8 year old. He is very upset with his dad, says he never spends time with him and his brother and is more interested in his girlfriends kids. He said when they go to his house he just leaves them to watch the other kids on the PS2 whilst he does other stuff. They ask him to play star wars monopoly and he says "Later" and never does. He started to cry when he said he never even phoned him on his first day of school, he NEVER phones him, ever.

He said "he won't even phone me on my first day of work". The only time they go to the park (which they live next door to) is when her kids are there, if they're with their dad they don't bother going out at all. He only see's them once a fortnight (his choice) and now my ds is saying he doesnt want to go anymore at all.

What should I do? is it my place to tell him to change his ways? should I tell my son that some people are just crap parents?? (not really!). I've sent him a text msg repeating what DS has just said (well, some of it!)...what would you do?

Certainly tell the father your concerns, although I imagine doing so might cause friction.
Be open about your felings and your sons and give him a chance to make things better.
If he doesn't improve after that then think more seriously about the situation and if it woul b better for your son to not see his dad at all.

After reading your other threads earlier today I'd let your DS do what he's comfortable with at the moment, so if that means staying away from his dad then I'd go with it. He might change his mind after a while anyway, and your ex-p might buck his ideas up when he realises his son doesn't want to see him.

I've been thinking of you since I read your other post this morning.

tread carefully.
you need to let the man know how his kids feel. but you need to do it so that he doesnt blame you for making them think this, iyswim.
lots of men are like this. and they are the ones who lose out in the end.
if your kids dont want to go see their dad, then dont make them.

lifesteeth, you are having a very bad day, what with the school n' all,

Please try and help your ds be more assertive, it sounds like he need lots of reassurance, especially at the moment.

You are not a bad parent, you are not failing him at all, but he needs to know these problems at his dad's and at school are not his fault.

I think that it is important for your son to still see his dad, I hate to read threads where people say "stop him seeing the kid" as at the end of the day, the man is his father and he will miss out if he is cut out of his life. It annoys me how women use their kids as weapons against their ex.

I would say too that there may be an element of your ds feeling a bit jealous of the gf kids? We have gone thru similar and that was what it was all down too. In our case my dh dd was happy as larry here and enjoying herself but going home and telling her mum a different story.

I would ring his dad (text messages are horrible as they can inflame an already difficult situation) and suggest that he spend some one to one time with your ds away from the house and gf and kids, even if he takes him swimming once a week...it will be quality time together.

just keep going with your ds offering all your love and support and I am sure the situation will calm down in time

agree with hayes, one to one time for even a short period can make all the difference.